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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

, | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

(Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

Me: “…banana peppers.”

Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

Me: “Nope.”

It’s All Peachy

, | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

(I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

(He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

(Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

Enough To Make You Cry

| QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a hotel restaurant. A group of clients have been notoriously difficult, sending back dishes more than once for small details. On a particularly busy night, a waiter walks back into the kitchen and asks about a meal.)

Waiter: “Does this dish contain onions? The client says he’s deadly allergic.”

(Hearing this, the chef panics and asks the waiter to bring him to the client.)

Chef: “Sir, are you all right? Do you have any medicine for your allergy? I’ll call the ambulance right away!”

(The client is confused and worried.)

Client: “What? No, I don’t have medicine. Why?”

Chef: “You told the waiter you were deadly allergic to onions. You should have mentioned it earlier. There were some in the soup.”

Client: “…oh. I just don’t like onions.”

Needs To Screen Her Comments

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology

(While standing in line at a sandwich shop, I overhear two women talking about one of them getting a new iPad.)

Woman #1: “Yeah, I got a new iPad. I got black this time because I usually always go with white.”

Woman #2: “Ew, white is so much better than black. You should have gotten the white.”

Woman #1: “No, I wanted to match the case I got it.”

Woman #2: “Don’t you have bad eyes?”

Woman #1: “Yeah?”

Woman #2: “Well you should have gotten the white, not the black. Now you are not going to be able to see on it.”

Woman #1: “When I say it’s black, I was referring to the casing it’s in, not the screen.”

Woman #2: “Oh!”

Not Quite Ringing True

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I have brought my friend into the hospital.)

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Friend: “I think I inhaled my nose ring…”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Doctor: “Do you think you swallowed it?”

Friend: “Uhm, yes. But I also feel a lump at the back of my throat…”

Doctor: *does examination* “Okay, I can’t see anything but I’ll send you for an x-ray. When did this happen?”

Friend: “Three days ago.”

Doctor: “So you waited three days to get checked out when you thought you had a piece of metal stuck in your throat, yet you’re breathing, eating, and drinking fine for those three days?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Doctor: “Okay, I’ll send you for an x-ray.”

(Not surprisingly, the x-ray came back clear and almost everyone was trying to hold in their laughter!)

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