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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 10

| MI, USA | Health & Body

(I am a female employee that works the front desk of a body shop. I am currently seven-months pregnant, but because of the counter height, you can’t see my belly.)

Customer: “I think there is something wrong with the undercarriage of my car. Could you take a look?”

Me: “Let me get one of our estimators to take a look. It should just be a few minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t see why I should wait a few minutes when you’re standing around doing nothing. You can look at it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a qualified estimator to look at your car, and I cannot be crawling around on the ground underneath a car. It should only be a few minutes until someone is available.”

Customer: “You are just being lazy! Get me your manager NOW. This is ridiculous!”

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This girl is just being lazy! She refuses to help me, I know she that she knows what she’s doing, and she just refuses to do it!”

Manager: “Well… morning sickness will do that to you.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I just want her to look under my car!”

(I walk around the counter so the customer can see my obviously pregnant belly.)

Customer: *red face* “Well, uh, I mean, whatever. I’ll go sit in the waiting room.”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7

Enough To Furrow Your Brows

| USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m a transporter pushing patients to surgery. I pick up a 17-year-old boy with his family. They’re all nervous, but the boy deals with his anxiety by being rude to his parents. He starts in on the vertical creases between his dad’s eyebrows.)

Boy: “Ha! That looks like a [crude term for female genitalia]. You’ve got a [kitty cat] on your forehead!”

(He goes on like this for several minutes as his profanity gets worse and worse.)

Mom: *finally* “Stop it! You’re embarrassing me and the transporter!”

Boy: *belligerent* “Why? She’s got one!”

(I’ve finally had enough. I lean down and tell him, loud enough for his parents to hear:)

Me: “You keep using language like that and that’s as close to a real one as you’ll ever get.”

(There was stunned silence from the entire family. Then the parents started cracking up.)

Blisteringly Stupid Question

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

Driver: *after the fill-up* “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Driver: “It’s about my husband. We were on the beach today and he got sunburned.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Driver: “What should I do to make him feel better?”

Me: “Well, aloe lotions are good. If it’s really painful, though, use lidocaine.”

Driver: “But he’s got blisters.”

Me: “Get him to the hospital! He’s got second-degree burns!”

Driver: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. He hates hospitals.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Canadian Hair-itage

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Canada, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am getting my eyebrows threaded; while in the chair, I hear this exchange between an employee and another customer.)

Customer: “How much to thread [facial area I didn’t see]?”

Employee: “Ten dollars.”

Customer: “But I don’t have that much hair there, can I get a discount?”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s a flat rate; it’s ten dollars no matter how much hair you have.”

Customer: “But I’m Canadian.”

Employee: “…”

More Stupid Than Homer Simpson

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(It is the Halloween season and I’m working in the cosmetics aisle, advising customers on what kinds to use, letting them test products, etc…)

Customer: “So,I want to be Homer Simpson.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *proceeds to show him our various kinds of yellow makeup* “Would you like to test some?”

Customer: “Sure!”

(He holds out his hand for me to dab some makeup on, but halfway through, says:)

Customer: “I might be allergic to this. I’m not sure.”

Me: “Oh! Well, here, let me get you a makeup wipe and we’ll get it off of you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll just walk around the store a bit and if it’s not too bad I’ll buy some.”

Customer’s Wife: *opens the new container of makeup* “Here, honey, put a little on your face and we’ll try that.”

(I momentarily wonder if she’s actively trying to kill her husband, but manage to get out:)

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use the makeup before you buy it.”

Wife: “But why not?”

Me: “Because then I can’t sell it if you don’t choose to buy it.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Customer: “We’ll be back!”

(They then walk off, leaving me standing there with a makeup wipe and the vague fear that he’s going to go into shock and die in the store, but instead they show up five minutes later.)

Customer: “So it’s making my skin all red and itchy, but I think it’s okay. I’ll tough it out!”

Me: “…These items are not returnable or exchangeable.”

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