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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

A Dent In His Identification

| Port Angeles, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My dad and I have just gotten off a ferry from Victoria, Canada, and are going through customs. We are on our way to Mexico for an extended surfing trip. My dad had recently shaved off his dreadlocks in preparation, since they take so long to dry and would be an inconvenience. He is now completely bald and beardless.)

Border Agent: “Can I have your passport, please?”

(He hands it over, and the agent is looking between the picture of his shoulder-length dreads and large beard, and his current appearance.)

Border Agent: “Do you have a secondary piece of ID?”

(He hands over his driver’s license. The picture is pre-dreads, but still has shoulder-length hair and a large beard.)

Border Agent: “Well, THIS doesn’t help much!”

(The agent could tell enough distinguishing features that we were let through without incident. I joked that it’s too bad you’re not allowed to smile in ID pictures, because his gold teeth would have been a good distinguishing feature!)

You Will Have Hell Toupee

| Norway | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I have very curly hair, it’s all ringlets and corkscrews. A middle-aged lady has come to pick up her son from school.)

Lady: “Wow, you have really beautiful hair!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Lady: “Can I borrow it?”

Me: “Er… pardon?”

(The lady leans forward, grabs a fistful of my locks, and tugs so hard my eyes begin to water.)

Me: “Ouch! What are you doing!”

Lady: “Oh, I thought it was a wig! That was unnecessary. You should have warned me it wasn’t!”

(Her son came and apologized the next day, but his mother no longer talks to me.)

Some Blood Is Thicker Than Others

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am a nurse. At the hospital where I work, we take care of many patients who are from small, rural towns and are lacking in education. In this situation, the patient needs a blood transfusion. I am teaching the patient and family about the process.)

Me: “I will call the blood bank and get the blood ready to go. When I have the bag, I’ll come hook it up to her IV to infuse it. I’ll be monitoring her vital signs throughout the transfusion.”

Family Member: “How does the blood know where to go?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Family Member: “The blood. What tells it where to go?”

Me: “Well it goes into the veins, through her IV catheter.”

Family Member: “How does it know where to go from there?”

Me: “That’s where blood is. In your veins.”

Family Member: “Oh! I’ve always wondered how that worked.”

(Later, after I have received the blood, I am priming the IV tubing with saline. Saline is essentially salt water, so it is clear.)

Family Member: “Is that the blood?”

Me: “…No, this is just saline to prime the tubing.”

Family Member: “Oh, good! I thought my mom was getting some new kind of white blood!”

Me: *face palm*