Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Beware The Milks!

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I worked for our phone line for nearly two years before the stress got to me and I had to be moved to another section. One phone call from a guest still plagues my mind, however, and I will never *ever* forget it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; can I help you find something?”

Caller: *with the heaviest accent I have ever heard in my lifetime* “I has many milks.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “No, you see… I has many many milks. I am allergic to the milks and have a car that was going to do the breaking down. I buy many organic milks because the cows they eat the grass and I can drink the milks. So get many milks because cannot drive to store cause car going to break down. But after car break down, cannot drink milks! Still allergic! You need call the farm because the cows are not drinking the grass and come get many milks. They will go bad!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask a question. Are you lactose intolerant?”

Caller: “Very much so!”

Me: “I am, too, and if I may make a recommendation, [Brand of milk that is lactose free] will be safe to digest at a lower price than organic. Organic milk still contains lactose.”

Caller: “No! The cows; they are not eating the grass! I cannot drink the milk! Call the farm!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I cannot contact the supplier. If you search the brand on the Internet you may find their customer service number.”

Caller: “Fine, now come get the milks.”

Me: “We do not do home item retrieval, ma’am. You would have to bring the items to our store to return them.”

Caller: “No! The car, she is broken! I cannot drive it! You come get the milks!”

Me: “Perhaps you can borrow a friend or family member’s car or bum a ride from them?”

Caller: “No! You come get them!”

Me: “I cannot, ma’am.”

Caller: “FINE! Get manager!”

Me: “Right away. Please hold.” *goes to transfer line but she hangs up the moment I pull the phone away* “I can’t believe that just happened…”

Coworker: “Please, for the love of all that is beautiful, transfer that call to me next time.”

(She never called back.)

Def-Eat-ed

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A teenage girl who was seen earlier in my emergency department shift for vomiting has returned. When she was discharged earlier she was given prescriptions and told to only eat clear liquids for 24 hours. Her mother is with her.)

Patient: “I stopped vomiting while I was here but it started again when I was at home.”

Me: “Did you take the medicine you were prescribed?”

Mother: “The doctor said she should only eat clear liquids. That medicine is a pill. She can’t take it because it is not a clear liquid.”

Me: “Well, she should only eat clear liquids except for the medicine. The medicine will help control the vomiting.”

Mother: *starting to get louder and agitated* “I know what the doctor told her! I was sitting right here! You are not even the doctor! You don’t know! She can’t take that medicine because she can ONLY have clear liquids!”

(At this point then girl vomits again and I can clearly see undigested hamburger meat in the emesis bag.)

Me: “Did you eat a hamburger after you left the hospital earlier?”

Mother: “Well, she was hungry! She had to eat something!”

Think Before You Ink

| WA, USA | Health & Body

(I recently got a large tattoo that covers most of my forearm. A customer comes through my line and starts asking me about it.)

Customer: “Nice tattoo!”

Me: “Thank you! I just got it three days ago!”

Customer: “Really? Why isn’t it scabbed up at all?”

Me: “Um… tattoos aren’t really supposed to scab over. Like at all.”

(He then pulls up his sleeve to reveal a huge, black blob that must have been a tattoo at some point.)

Customer: “I got this done 45 years ago, and it was completely scabbed over!”

Me: “Oh, jeez. Well, what did you use to clean it?”

Customer: *looking confused* “What do you mean ‘clean it’?

Me: “…”

(CLEAN YOUR TATTOOS, KIDS!)

Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Months

| Cornwall, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Money

(I work in a dispensary (basically a pharmacy) and we’re only allowed to give out one month’s supply of medication at any given time. This isn’t by our choice; it’s a standard set by the board. One patient comes in to get her medication. I go and get her prescription and she pays when this happens:)

Patient: “Excuse me, this is only a month’s supply. The doctor told me I was on a three month course.”

Me: “Yes, that’s right. We’re only allowed to give out a month’s worth of medication at a time.”

Patient: “But the doctor told me I was on this for three months.”

(At this point, one of the older dispensers behind me chimes in.)

Colleague: “It’s a three month course, meaning that you’re on that medication for three months, but we can only give out one month at a time.”

Patient: “Can I speak to the doctor about this?”

Colleague: “You could but this isn’t a standard set by us. It’s a nation-wide standard.”

Patient: “So I have to come in once a month and pay?!”

Colleague: “Yes.”

Patient: “This is extortion! I would like a complaint form!”

(After about another five minutes of this back and forth, the patient finally went on her way. Do you know what our ‘extortionate’ price is for keeping people alive? £8.05.)

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