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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Doesn’t Quite Cut The Cheese

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I need a dessert for my two diabetic friends. Let me see your cheesecakes.”

Me: “…”

Weeding Out The Irresponsible Users

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body

(I am working the closing shift one evening, with my only other company being my boss, the head pharmacist. A man comes in to pick up a fairly mundane prescription.)

Me: “Before I ring this up, do you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

Customer: “Yeah, will this have any interactions with marijuana?”

Me: *looking to the pharmacist* “Um…”

(My boss comes over to the registers and makes a show of looking through the printed information pamphlet that comes with every prescription.)

Pharmacist: “I don’t believe so…”

Customer: *picking up on our unease* “Oh, don’t worry. I don’t go out on the road or anything when I get high. I just stay home until my trip ends.”

(He then paid his bill and left.)

Me: *to pharmacist* “…Well, at least he’s being responsible about it.”

Have No Stomach For Your Complaint

| UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work for a large health food company; however our store happens to be very small.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you find today? ”

Customer: “I am looking for 100mg pantothenic acid.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that here, but we do a 500mg if you’re interested?”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “No! That upsets my stomach. Every other branch of this company I have ever been in stocks the 100mg. YOU should, too. The other one hurts my stomach and I have to cut it into quarters just to take it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like me to look it up on our system to find out if we can order it in?”

(At this point we go over to the till and I search for her item. No results come up, meaning it is not a product that any of our stores stock. It doesn’t show up as a deleted line either, meaning in all likelihood we have never stocked it.)

Me: “Oh, sorry but I’m afraid that isn’t an item the company stocks after all.”

Customer: *irrationally angry* “I know I have bought it at your other store before! YOU need to phone your head office and YOU need to get them to stock this item HERE.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have no say in what head office decides to stock. I can offer you a freepost feedback card if you’d like to suggest it to them?”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time for that! I have things to do! YOU should do it! I don’t understand why whenever I come in here you don’t have the product I want!”

Me: “Well, without you sending a feedback card it is very unlikely head office will ever know about this. They listen to the opinions of their customers, not their shop assistants, on matters like this.”

Customer: “Well, YOU should stock it; I’ve bought it here before! And why is everything in this shop so expensive?!”

(At this point my supervisor came over to help and as I went to serve another customer I overhear the end of their conversation. My colleague explains repeatedly that we don’t stock the product and that our prices are higher as the company spends a lot to train us to be knowledgeable on our products. She also points out that the product is water soluble, meaning any excess is excreted out in the urine so it shouldn’t be causing the customer any pain. Eventually she leaves.)

Me: “How did it go?”

Supervisor: “Kill me now.”

(It turned out, after speaking to our manager, that she came in every few months to have an argument about our company and our pantothenic acid, claiming to not have time for a feedback card despite spending around half an hour of her time berating us for something beyond our control.)

Bitter About The Caramel

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work for a well-known coffee chain, and we have our fair share of crazy customers. One morning, a customer storms up to the counter where a relatively new coworker is running the register.)

Customer: “This is wrong! Remake this immediately!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that. Can you help me understand what you did want? I see here that we made you a white mocha with caramel.”

Customer: “I came through the drive through and I said I wanted caramel! You didn’t give me f****** caramel!”

Coworker: “I can fix that for you. Would you prefer caramel drizzle or the syrup?”

Customer: “I want caramel!” *she then thrusts the cup at my coworker, sending it skidding across the counter top* “There’s no caramel in my cup!”

Coworker: *opens the cup* “Oh, they put drizzle on here, instead of the syrup. I got you. Just a moment.”

Customer: “If you weren’t so f****** stupid and could do your f****** job right the first f****** time, I wouldn’t have to come back for such a stupid f****** reason!”

(At this point, I’m about to step in despite being tied up at the window, but my coworker bursts into tears and starts sniffling.)

Coworker: “I am genuinely sorry about this. Please, let me fix this for you. It won’t take but a minute—” *she goes to remake the drink, with the customer oddly quiet and hovering at the hand off* “—Here, please, taste this. I want you to be happy with your beverage.”

Customer: *takes the drink, takes a sip, shoves something into my coworker’s hand, and all but runs out the door*

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: *turns to me, her eyes super red, sniffs once, and wrinkles her nose* “My allergies are wreaking havoc on my sinuses and eyes. Can I go take some medicine?”

Me: “You’re sure you’re fine?”

Coworker: *straight out grins* “Absolutely. I got us a five dollar tip! AND I gave her decaf!”

When Alcoholism Is Contagious

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(My father is moving boxes of ceiling tiles. My dad lifts one up and hits me square in the nose, breaking it. After we check in at the hospital and I get seated at a bed, we witness an older man roll in on a stretcher and begin to talk to his nurse, obviously intoxicated.)

Nurse: “Hi, how are you doing today? My name is [Nurse] and I will be your nurse.”

Man: “Well, I’m doing fine; I just have no idea how I got here.”

Nurse: “It says here you collapsed unconscious. Did you drink any alcohol today?”

Man: “Yes. Yes, I did.”

Nurse: “And how much did you drink?”

Man: “Around two cups of vodka.”

Nurse: “That’s a lot.”

Man: “Yeah, but if you met my wife, you’d know it’s not enough.”

Nurse: *chuckles*

Man: “That’s the best thing about hospitals, you can say whatever you want and no one judges you because you’re sick.”

Nurse: “All right, Mr. Wise-Guy, I need to take your blood pressure.”

Man: “I like you. What is your name again?”

Nurse: “Thank you, it’s [Nurse].”

Man: “Yeah, you have nice tits. I’ll call you [Nurse] with the big tits.” *laughs*

Nurse: “…”

Dad: *under his breath* “If we are going to be here any longer, I’ll need a drink myself…”

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