Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Finally Sir(mised) The Situation

| Asheville, NC, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I am a rather petite woman with a micro pixie; my hair is no longer than an inch. I am holding the doors open for returning guests to our hotel. The uniform I’m wearing is unisex cut, but it is still rather obvious that I’m female. Rounding out the group of guests is an elderly couple with walkers and a somewhat younger-than-them woman making sure they get along all right, probably a daughter. The elderly couple are obviously more focused on walking than me.)

Elderly Gentleman: “Thank you, sir.”

(Neither surprised nor offended, I just giggle and welcome him through the door. The somewhat younger woman behind him STARES at me until she’s passing through the door. It’s actually getting rather creepy and I’m not feeling more uncomfortable than amused.)

Woman: “You know, if you grew it out we’d know the difference.”

Wasn’t The Number One Problem At The Old Place

| Eugene, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I recently switched from one big office supply chain store to another. Today is my first real day alone in the print center. A mother and her two kids come in near the end of my shift to make copies. I am working on another job behind the counter and everything is going smoothly until I hear her start whispering in a panicked tone.)

Customer: “Put that away! You can’t just do that wherever!” *pause* “What?!”

(At this point I’m curious and look up and see nothing wrong at first, but then I notice the giant wet spot on the carpet. Her four-year-old has just decided it would be fun to whip it out and pee all over the cart, his sister, and my self serve copy area’s floor.)

Customer: “Oh, he was just having some fun, but you should probably clean it up yourself since you are paid to deal with this kind of stuff, and I’m in a huge hurry.”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: *leaves, but not before buying her son every candy bar at the checkout*

Me: *radio* “Hey, Boss, so this just happened…”

Boss: “Are you serious?!”

Me: “Yep. What’s the protocol with this kind of stuff? This never happened to me at [Old Office Supply Store].”

Boss: “Well, welcome to [New Company], where s*** gets weird. Grab some disinfectant and a towel.”

Me: “S***.”

Please Take A Health Tip

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I work in a small-town convenience store, specializing in tobacco.)

Customer: “I’ll have a box of those [Brand] cigars, too, please.”

Me: “I got ’em with plastic tips, or wood tips.”

Customer: “Oh, wood tips, always! Plastic tips’ll give ya cancer!”

Waiting His Turn Took A Turn For Justice

| Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I work in a biker’s cafe in a small town and a lot of the older residents come in on Wednesday for the Old Age Pensioner’s meal deal. One lady comes in who has a quite debilitating stutter and doesn’t read very well. I’m working my way through the menu with her, reading out each option until I eventually get to fish and chips and she starts nodding.)

Next Customer: “For f*** sake! Why didn’t you just say that then?!”

(I tell the woman the price and help her count out the correct change.)

Next Customer: “For f*** sake! Just give her the god-d*** food! Can’t you see she’s senile?!”

(The woman is now trying not to cry and drops her purse on the floor.)

Next Customer: “Oh, just throw her out. I’ll have a coffee.”

Me: “Can you just wait your turn please, sir.”

Next Customer: “I’m not waiting a year for the coffin dodger to finish. Give me a coffee!”

(One of the huge leather clad bikers gets up, goes over to the customer, picks him up, and takes him outside. The woman I’m serving breaths a sigh of relief and utters the first phrase I’ve heard out of her that had no hint of a stutter.)

Woman: “What a tw*t!”

When They Don’t Get What They Want They Cause A Stink

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I am working at the counter of a bowling alley inside of a busy shopping mall when a older man in his 70s walks in:)

Older Man: “Hi. Where are your bathrooms, young man?”

(I point down the hall at the sign that says “restrooms”. He walks down and I continue my side-work. About 15 minutes later the older man comes back up to my counter.)

Older Man: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, what can I do for you?”

Older Man: “I hope you have somebody here with a strong constitution to clean up in there.”

(Looking very proud of himself he walks out of the alley and back into the mall. I then walk into the men’s room to see what he is talking about. The older man had defecated all over the floor, walls, toilet bowl lid, handicap rail, and anything else in the stall. I quickly run out and put a closed sign over the men’s room. I go to my manager and explain what had happened and he starts laughing hysterically.)

Manager: “Dude! I can’t believe he did it again! This old man has done this twice before. He refused to pay [amount] for bowling shoes for his grandson when we first opened and now has gotten back at us by doing this.”

Me: “So what should I do about this? It’s horrific in there.”

Manager: “Just leave it. I’ll have [Store Manager] do it. He’s the one who was making the old man buy shoes in the first place.”

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