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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

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Stop And (Meno)Pause For Thought

| Seattle, WA, USA | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

(Every month my store has items that are free after rebate. This deal is extremely popular so sometimes we run out of the items. A customer walks up to me with an ad paper and points to one of the free after rebate items.)

Customer: “I am looking for this item.”

(It was very obvious to me that English was not this gentleman’s first language. I also knew we were running low on that particular item.)

Me: “Well, sir, I can show you where it would be if we have any left. Follow me.”

(I bring him over to cosmetics area where the display was.)

Customer: “Why are we in the ladies department?”

Me: “Ah, well, sir, the item that you pointed out to me is a product for ladies.”

Customer: “Item is free after rebate, yes?”

Me: “Sir, I have to ask. Do you know what the item is for?”

Customer: “It’s free.”

Me: “Yes, it is free after rebate. But do you know what the product is used for?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “This product is a lubrication for ladies that have gone through menopause.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “It is a lubricant for women who are older and can’t have children anymore.”

(He stares at me totally shocked.)

Customer: “I don’t want that!”

Me: “I thought you might not. You have a nice day, sir.”

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Well I’ll Be Ducked!

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am helping someone on the phone register themselves as a chaperone for summer camp. Everything is going just fine, until…)

Me: “Okay, sir, I need the date of your last tetanus shot. I understand it may be out of date but I have to enter a date to get your registration finished. Most likely the last time you had one would have been going into seventh grade unless you had to have one for a medical reason.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I had a medical reason… I just can’t remember off the top of my head. Let me ask my wife.” *in background* “Honey, when was I bitten by that duck?”

(Luckily, I was able to mute the phone while I laughed and the wife got him a date. How on earth are you bitten by a duck and why does that result in a tetanus shot?!)

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Can’t See Your Point

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I normally wear contact lenses, but my optometrist had trouble ordering them so I’m wearing my glasses today. A regular customer approaches me. She’s usually a bit of a handful but never anything crazy.)

Me: “How are you?”

Customer: “You have glasses. Why?”

Me: “There was an issue with my doctor’s office so I’m wearing my glasses until it gets fixed.”

Customer: “I don’t like it. Take them off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t see without them so I can’t take them off.”

Customer: *huffs* “Well… I don’t like you anymore!”

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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 6

| WA, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I am an RN that goes around to people’s homes. I get an order to obtain a blood draw from a particularly religious patient who refuses to let me try anywhere except the tiny blood vessels in her hand. As I’m on my second attempt, apparently she thinks I need a little help…)

Patient: *loudly, with eyes closed* “Lord Jesus, help her find that blood! Send the blood to her Jesus; she needs your help! Draw her to that vein, oh Lord, and show your power!”

Me: *as I finally hit a vein* “Got it!”

Patient: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Not you.”

Me: “A little bit me…”

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3

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No One Is Getting Fired Or On Fire Today

| Rochester, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am eating my lunch at a popular lunch spot. Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off. I grab my stuff and head out, along with the employees and all but one of the customers.)

Customer #1: “Hey! Where are you going? I want my food!”

Employee: “Sir, the fire alarm is going off! Get outside!”

Customer #1: “I want my [item]! Give it to me!”

Employee: “Get outside! If this turns out to be nothing, we’ll make you a new one.”

(The customer continues to make a fuss, but is shooed outside by the employees and some helpful customers. He stands outside, continuing to complain. The fire department arrives and the firefighters run inside. While they’re in there (and the fire truck sits directly in front of the main door, lights flashing) and the fire alarm continues to sound, a man approaches and tries to go in.)

Employee: *shouting* “Sir! Don’t go in!”

Customer #2: “I called in an order, and paid for it.”

Employee: “And once the firefighters come out and say that everything’s safe, you’ll get it.”

Customer #2: “I don’t see any flames. I want my food.”

Employee: *exasperated* “No one is going inside until the fire department okays it.”

Customer #2: “What if it gets cold?”

Employee: “If it’s ready and waiting, it’ll be in the warmer. But if something’s wrong with it, we’ll make a new one.”

(Customer #2 made a big show of standing directly in front of the door, arms crossed, and looking at his watch. After a few minutes, the firefighters concluded that the alarm malfunctioned and left. Everyone headed back in and business resumed. Both the jerk customers continued to complain, going to far as to demand free or discounted food for their trouble. The manager kicked them both out. They left, threatening to call corporate and get everyone fired for being “lazy.”)

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