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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Overflowing With Problems

| Appleton, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I’m bagging groceries, and in the middle of an order I notice that the cashier has paused, and is delicately holding up an item she has grabbed out of the shopping cart. She turns to the customer, and the following exchange happens.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, there appears to be something on this. Did you want a new one? Or…”

Customer: “Oh, that, yeah. My daughter had diarrhea, and it overflowed her diaper.”

(At this, my coworker and I take a closer look at the contents of the cart. It’s everywhere. My poor coworker just makes a horrified face, as she realizes she just got a handful of feces.)

Customer: “Yeah, you’re gonna clean that all up, right?”

(We are nowhere near capable of properly cleaning up what turned out to be a few dozen items coated in fecal matter (including a serious need for gloves) at the register, but she was “in a hurry” so we had to clean it up with just paper towels and the glass cleaner we use to wipe down the registers, all the while holding back the urge to vomit. Of course the customer didn’t say another word, but at least my coworker and I got relieved to go sanitize ourselves!)

Not Exactly Cooking Up A Compliment

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m a late 20s male working at a downtown hotel. This exchange happens between me and a somewhat regular guest:)

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: *hesitantly* “No… I’m not.”

Guest: “Oh, so you have to cook for yourself, then?”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Guest: “Oh, well from the looks of it, you’re a good cook!”

Me: *speechless*

Trying To Massage An Awkward Situation

| Lyon, France | Health & Body

(Due to my stressful job, I regularly indulge myself in beauty culture or massages to help me relax. This time, I’m forced to cancel a long-awaited appointment two hours before it’s due. The following texting ensues.)

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Therapist], I’m so sorry I won’t make it today. I’ll contact your assistant next week for a new appointment. Hopefully it won’t be a problem. Thanks for your understanding.”

Therapist: “That’s okay.”

(I thought nothing of it, until I received a second text half an hour later.)

Therapist: “Actually, this is not okay. I want you to know this is very rude to let me now only two hours before the appointment, instead of telling me yesterday or so. This is very inappropriate and you should be ashamed.”

(I guess she needed to pass her anger at me, but I decided I wouldn’t let her ruin my day, so I answered.)

Me: “I also could have chosen not to let you know at all, but I thought it was more decent to tell you. I agree I owe you an explanation. See, I’m having my period right now and I’m suffering enough to consider that a belly massage isn’t such a good idea. Since I’ve been such a rude person, I hope you will accept my apologies, but your answer let me guess that you don’t really need more customers. I sincerely hope you will overcome the irritation.”

(No news after this. The kicker ? She was supposed to give massages to help you with your anger management. I guess she would have needed one too!)

The Number One Way To Travel

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work customer service via email for a large ticketing company, usually dealing with disabled customers in need of specialty seating.)

Customer: “I need an aisle seat for my husband.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re out of aisle seats for that event. Is there another way we could accommodate him?”

Customer: “Well, he can walk okay, but he has a bladder problem so he has to pee frequently. I just wanted an aisle seat so he could get in and out quickly. But I guess he could wear a poncho and pee under it at his seat into a mayo jar. You know, like on an airplane?”

Me: “…Um. Well… wait. LIKE ON AN AIRPLANE?!”

Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

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