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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

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Too Busy To Notice

| USA | Health & Body

(I am a receptionist at a medical imaging clinic. In addition to our regularly scheduled exams, we do x-rays on a walk-in basis. It is a very busy day and our waiting room is completely full and noisy, and there is also a line of patients waiting to check in. An elderly lady comes in and approaches the desk when it’s her turn.)

Elderly Lady: *completely serious* “Are you busy today?”

Me: *pause* “No…”

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MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology, Trigger Story

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

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Getting To The Meat Of The Problem

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I am a receptionist at a vet clinic. Sometimes I get calls from clients with… less than a full deck of cards.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Client: “Yeah, uh, I haven’t ever been there before but my dog has been having diarrhea for, like, two weeks and I’m wondering what I should do.”

Me: “If your dog has had diarrhea for that long it could be an indication of a serious medical condition. Has he been eating and drinking normally, sir?”

Client: “Yeah, he’s drinking and he eats his meat fine.”

Me: “Meat? What kind of dog food are you feeding him?”

Client: “Well, I read online that dogs eat meat so I buy him turkey from the grocery store. He likes it better than the kibble.”

Me: “When did you make this change in his diet?”

Client: “About two weeks ago. Why?”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 11

| Oakland, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I overhear this exchange as I’m setting up my booth at a small craft fair that occurs monthly. An older woman approaches the artist, who is pregnant but not yet showing, in the booth next to me.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of those adorable t-shirts? I remember you had them last month at the holiday fair.”

Artist: “No, I’m afraid I don’t. I’m not doing any silk screening; I’m pregnant so I’m avoiding the chemicals.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s such a shame. Will you have the shirts next month?”

Artist: “…”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 10
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8

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Dia-Path-etic

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(My family and I have gone into an unfamiliar cafe for a light lunch. My dad and I order toasted sandwiches; my mum orders an ordinary cold sandwich. After 10 minutes mum’s sandwich comes, but no toasties. A few minutes later my dad catches the server’s attention:)

Dad: *in a jocular tone* “Hi, we’re still waiting for two toasted sandwiches. You haven’t forgotten us, have you?”

Server: *angrily* “We’re very BUSY!”

(Five more minutes go by. Mum has finished her sandwich, but I and dad haven’t got our food. The server comes towards us with a toasted sandwich, but serves it to the woman at the next table.)

Me: *to server* “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for about 15 minutes. My mum’s finished her food, and we still haven’t had ours. I notice you’ve served that lady who came in after us. Has something gone wrong?”

Woman At Next Table: “I have type one diabetes! I HAVE to eat now. How DARE you complain when I HAVE to eat something before I lapse into a coma!”

Me: “You have type one diabetes? Me, too. And what you’re eating won’t help you if you’re worried about lapsing into a coma. You need something sweet, not a savoury sandwich. Please don’t make our condition an excuse for bad manners. Nobody was talking to you, anyway.”

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