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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Receiving Way Too Much

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Health & Body, Technology

(I walk a customer through performing a system test on the satellite receiver in his living room.)

Me: “Okay, sir, that one works fine. Can you test the one in your bedroom?”

Customer: “Yeah. Let me get back there.” *he then proceeds to ask about the weather in our area as I hear fluid trickling in the background*

Me: *I finish describing the weather, still hearing a trickle* “Are you ready to test your bedroom receiver now, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I’m in the bathroom now. Hang on.”

They’re Nutso Different

, | Charlevoix, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a fudge shop during tourist season. All the types of fudge are in a large display that takes up the entire length of the room, separating the workers from the customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *stares blankly at the display* “…What are those two there?” *points vaguely at two types of fudge*

Me: “This one on the left is walnut fudge, and the other on the right is cashew.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, what’s the difference between walnut and cashew fudge?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Um… one has walnuts… and the other has cashews?”

Customer: “Oh. Well I don’t like nuts. Can I get this one instead?” *points to a display peanut butter fudge*

Dairy, Dairy, Quite Contrary

| UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(In the restaurant I work in the waiting staff make the desserts. We get an order for our children’s pancakes dessert which normally comes with ice cream, sauce, and marshmallows. The message says ‘just pancakes and marshmallows, no dairy.’ I check with my coworker who took the order.)

Me: “Our pancakes have dairy in them. Did you inform the customer?”

Coworker: “Yes. They just said they wanted them anyway, so I put the order through as they asked.”

(I decide to go check with the customer, who ordered the pancakes for her sons. Just in case there was any confusion.)

Me: “Sorry to disturb, but is this the table that ordered the pancakes with no dairy, just marshmallows?”

Customer: “Yes. Is there a problem?”

Me: “Are your children lactose-intolerant at all?”

Customer: “Yes, actually.”

Me: “Well, the pancakes we sell aren’t lactose-free. And I’m sorry, but we have no dairy-free alternative. I wouldn’t want your boys to get sick.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I know. But I already promised my boys the dessert. With all the extra stuff on they will get sick, but just the pancakes will make them only a little sick, so that’s fine.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I walk away to explain to my coworker making desserts not to worry about anything. The boys enjoyed their desserts but didn’t look to great afterwards.)

Overflowing With Problems

| Appleton, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I’m bagging groceries, and in the middle of an order I notice that the cashier has paused, and is delicately holding up an item she has grabbed out of the shopping cart. She turns to the customer, and the following exchange happens.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, there appears to be something on this. Did you want a new one? Or…”

Customer: “Oh, that, yeah. My daughter had diarrhea, and it overflowed her diaper.”

(At this, my coworker and I take a closer look at the contents of the cart. It’s everywhere. My poor coworker just makes a horrified face, as she realizes she just got a handful of feces.)

Customer: “Yeah, you’re gonna clean that all up, right?”

(We are nowhere near capable of properly cleaning up what turned out to be a few dozen items coated in fecal matter (including a serious need for gloves) at the register, but she was “in a hurry” so we had to clean it up with just paper towels and the glass cleaner we use to wipe down the registers, all the while holding back the urge to vomit. Of course the customer didn’t say another word, but at least my coworker and I got relieved to go sanitize ourselves!)

Not Exactly Cooking Up A Compliment

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m a late 20s male working at a downtown hotel. This exchange happens between me and a somewhat regular guest:)

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: *hesitantly* “No… I’m not.”

Guest: “Oh, so you have to cook for yourself, then?”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Guest: “Oh, well from the looks of it, you’re a good cook!”

Me: *speechless*

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