icon_healthbody

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

icon_ruderisque

Understands The Condom Minimum

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)

Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*

Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”

Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)

Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”

(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)

icon_healthbody

I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Buy

| Fresno, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Trigger Story

(I get two rather interesting customers. I do the normal “would you like a store card” spiel, and am told no, which is no problem. I run her card through the register when I hear the woman paying, in a very quiet voice, say this:)

Customer: “I wish this place sold butts.”

Me: *thinking I heard it wrong* “What?! Did you just say what I think you did?”

Customer: “Yeah. I wish this store sold butts. I need a bigger one.”

Me: *has started cracking up* “Well, you can have some of mine!”

Customer: *laughs and picks up her bag to leave, her friend laughing at her comment, too*

Me: “You’ve made my day. Have a great one!”

(Thank you, random customer who wanted a bigger butt. You made my day for sure.)

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

icon_healthbody

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 12

| Rotterdam, The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I am a 5’8″ woman, weighing in at about 160 pounds. I work in aprons that tend to bulge around the waist. As one customer is paying, I am talking to his friend.)

Customer: “So, when is your due date?”

Me: “Sir, there are questions you should not ask a woman unless you are one hundred percent sure.”

Customer: “Oh, but I am sure you are pregnant!”

(I was too flabbergasted to even respond at this point. I walked away and quickly changed into a different style apron. I still don’t understand how he could think asking that would be okay – I hope someone explained it to him!)

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 11
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 10
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9