Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Gone Acrobatty

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I’m helping a woman and her toddler, and the computer is taking an unusually long time processing her order.)

Me: “Sorry, it’ll just be a while.”

Woman: “No problem.” *to toddler* “I’ll just put you down, okay?”

(As she bends over, I see an impatient-looking couple behind her. As she fusses with her child, the couple does an acrobatic trick that makes it look like they’re making out on TOP on the woman, from my angle. The woman then straightens up, not noticing, and they straighten up, too. This happens over and over a few times. The toddler has gone quiet. Finally, the printer prints out the woman’s receipt.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Woman: “Thanks!” *to toddler* “Come on.”

(They left, the toddler staring at the couple with a grin. The couple acted like nothing strange had happened. Maybe they really were acrobats?)

Working Here Is A Brain Drain

| Bellevue, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Health & Body

(I am sweeping the store when I see one of our regulars standing on a grocery basket to reach a soda bottle on the top shelf.)

Me: “Can I help you get that down?”

Customer: “It’s okay; I’m lightweight.”

Me: “So is the basket’s construction.”

Customer: “Well, if it breaks I’ll buy it.”

(He gets down.)

Me: “I’m more worried you’ll fall and crack your head open… because guess who gets to clean THAT up?”

Customer: *laughs* “Brain cleanup in aisle eleven!”

Doesn’t Have The Head For This Kind Of Work

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Popular

(I work as a dispatcher for my hometown.)

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My husband has been lying on the couch moaning in pain all day; I think he needs to go to the hospital. My address is [address].”

Me: “Okay, an ambulance is on the way. Did your husband eat anything unusual today?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Does he have any allergies?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where did he say the pain is coming from?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, but did he do anything unusual today that could cause his pain?”

Caller: “Um, well, he shot himself in the head this morning.”

A Reaction Not To Be Sneezed At

| Roseville, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Popular

(I’ve been working at this store for ten years. I’m just getting over a cold, but I still have a small case of the sniffles. I’m ringing an older male customer up and I feel a sneeze coming on. Because I am still a little sick, I step back and sneeze, with my nose plugged, not once, not twice, but THREE times. After I sneeze the third time, I hear a loud slam, and see the older man with an angry look on his face. His hand is flat and it is clear he has slammed the little table next to the card reader.)

Customer: “IF YOU SNEEZE IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL REPORT YOU TO YOUR MANAGER AND HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(As I wipe the brain lubricant away from my nose and sanitize my hands with a ton of hand sanitizer, I see three other customers, two moms with shocked looks and a teenage male who can’t stop laughing. I finish the customer’s order with enough anxiety to the point where I am about to faint. He snatches the bag of groceries away and immediately reports me. My manager comes up to me, gives me a five, and says:)

Manager: “You’re not in trouble. Take 15. Coffee’s on me.”

Don’t Baby-Talk Me

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(Working in a hospital’s restaurant, I get asked where a lot of things are, most of the time where ER and the main doors are. The creepiest thing I’ve been asked is:)

Visitor: “So, where are the babies?”

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