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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

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A Dislocated Sense Of Priority

| Holladay, UT, USA | Hall of Fame, Health & Body, Popular

(My joints sometimes don’t cooperate, which can make being a postal carrier interesting. On one such instance, I have just pulled into a neighborhood to start a walk when I dislocate my shoulder. When this happens while I’m alone, it’s easier to put back in if I’m lying down, so I pick a spot on the lawn I am parked in front of, very painfully ease myself down, and try to relax. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I carefully roll over, slowly get to my feet again, and sit back down in my truck to call my boss. After he’d comes to pick me up and assigns the rest of the route to someone else:)

Boss: “You weren’t the only person to call me about this, y’know.”

Me: “Ah, really? Someone wondering if I was okay?”

Boss: “Kind of. They said there was a carrier ‘rolling around on the ground,’ and wondered when they would be getting their mail.”

(Glad to know my customers are so interested in my well being!)

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Take A Shot At Being Nice

| NY, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I answer the phone at the animal hospital I work at.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Location] Animal Hospital. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this is [Customer]; I’m calling to find out what shots my cat needs to be up to date.”

Me: “Of course, let me pull up your account and check that for you.”

(I enter the information, pulling up the cat’s record and read off the shots the cat is due for, and it goes smoothly until we get to the FVRCP vaccine, which is also called distemper. Despite what the name may sound like, it is a vaccine for feline panleukopenia virus, an infection (there is also a canine version).)

Customer: “So the distemper shot… that will make my cat nicer?”

Me: “Ah, no, ma’am. The vaccine doesn’t affect behavior or temperament. It’s to prevent a type of virus.”

(Sadly we get asked that A LOT.)

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Get The Man In Brown Before She Becomes The Woman In Brown

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(During my first month working at my father’s sports bar I encounter a super-drunk woman in the bathroom while I am cleaning.)

Customer: *hugs me, speaking in a toddler voice*  “Can you help me? When older girls like me drink we get silly. I went to go potty and I sat down to go pee-pee and I forgot to pull down my undies.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Just look for the man in brown and say I need him.”

Me: “I think I’m gonna need more of a description than that.”

Customer: “MY HUSBAND! HE’S IN BROWN!”

Me: *incredibly startled* “Okay, can I have a name or a table number?”

(Eventually I tracked down the man, guided him to his pee-soaked wife, and got them out of the restaurant.)

Coworker: “Did I just hear that some lady pissed herself and then hugged you?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, you did.”

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Not Shackled By Those Wristbands

| USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Popular

(The place I work at has various activities, including go-karts, mini-golf, and laser tag. We have a special on Mondays, where you can get a wristband to get unlimited activities for that day. It starts raining, which means our go-karts are closed. A woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “Ma’am? Is there someone I can talk to about the wristbands?”

Me: “Uhm, I can get a manager. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ve got two boys with Aspergers, and we can’t wait in line for laser tag. It’s raining, so we can’t do anything outside. I don’t wanna be a jerk but is there any way we can get some sort of compensation or refund?”

Me: “I can call a manager over for you; they’d have the authority to figure something out.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m from out of town and don’t know the policies here. Do you know of anything in the area that would be okay for them?”

Me: “Oh, of course. My brother’s a high-functioning autistic, so I’ve got a pretty good idea.” *lists a few places*

Customer: “Oh, my god, thank you! I’ve tried a few different places and it’s just been a nightmare for them.”

(My manager comes over. She ends up giving the woman some tokens for our arcade. The customer stops before leaving.)

Customer: “And give your employee here a raise. She’s been a real help for me!” *walks off*

(I didn’t get a raise, but I did get a free lunch!)

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Just A Spoon Full Of Idiocy Helps The Medicine Go Down

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Popular

(A patient has come in to be evaluated for an anxiety attack. He has a history of this in his chart, and has been prescribed medication for the condition.)

Doctor: “So, I see you’ve been here before for anxiety in the past. Was today similar to your previous visits?”

Patient: “Yeah. It’s just that I’ve been getting more and more anxious lately.”

Doctor: “When did your symptoms start getting worse?”

Patient: “Oh, about three months ago when I stopped taking my anxiety medications.”

Doctor: “So… you are saying you stopped taking your medication and now your symptoms are getting worse?”

Patient: “Yeah. I read somewhere that pills are bad for you, so I just stopped taking everything.”

Doctor: “I… Well, if you won’t take any medications, what exactly were you hoping we could do for you today?”

Patient: “Fix me! But, like, without medicine?”

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