Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

O… B… G… Y… N

| Health & Body

(While waiting at a busy ObGyn office for a pelvic exam a middle aged man enters and approaches the receptionist.)

Man: “I have a one pm appointment.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry; you have an appointment for yourself?”

Man: “Yes! One pm with Dr. [Name].”

Receptionist: “Sir… are you sure you have the right place?”

Man: “Why?”

Receptionist: *gestures around office and the guy suddenly seems to realize he is surrounded by women* “We are an ObGyn; we only have female patients and we do not have a Dr. [Name].”

Man: “This isn’t [Optometrist]?”

Receptionist: “No, they are located next door.”

Man: *leaves*

Receptionist: “He REALLY needs some new glasses.”

Will Make You See Red

| UK | Health & Body

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find this, please? It was on the fitting room discard rack.”

Me: “I can certainly try, madam, but perhaps—”

Customer: “Great!” *grabs me and drags me to the women’s section*

(I spend the next twenty minutes trying to find the right shirt for her, but I’m having difficulty discerning one from another.)

Customer: “What the f*** is wrong with you?! That’s green! What are you, colour-blind?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh!”

(The customer walked away and found a worker who had been on the department the entire time, looking over at me sympathetically without bothering to help. They found the right shirt within thirty seconds.)

All Things Are Not Sound

| Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue

I work at a seasonal produce market that sells local fruits and vegetables as a cashier and grocery bagger. Today, a man and his wife came through with four bunches of garden carrots that still had the green tops on while I was on bagging duty. The tops of these carrots are usually all over the place, so to get them to fit nicely into our bags, we have to bend the leafy tops over.

The cashier hands me the bunches and I start putting them into the bags as usual. As I’m doing this, I hear a faint sound, which sort of resembles coughing and doesn’t really phase me.

As I go to put the last bunch in the bag, I hear a terrifying and loud screech that completely stuns me and the cashier I was working with. I look up to see the man staring at me very angrily.

It turns out he had a tracheostomy and could not speak whatsoever but was trying to tell me not to bend the carrot tops (hence the faint coughing noises).

The screeching sound was him screaming at me through his tracheostomy for not following his wishes, which he clearly could not get across.

Through all of this, his wife, who could communicate and understand her husband perfectly well, said nothing to indicate I was doing something they did not want.

That screeching sound will haunt my coworker and me forever.

Stop And (Meno)Pause For Thought

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

(Every month my store has items that are free after rebate. This deal is extremely popular so sometimes we run out of the items. A customer walks up to me with an ad paper and points to one of the free after rebate items.)

Customer: “I am looking for this item.”

(It was very obvious to me that English was not this gentleman’s first language. I also knew we were running low on that particular item.)

Me: “Well, sir, I can show you where it would be if we have any left. Follow me.”

(I bring him over to cosmetics area where the display was.)

Customer: “Why are we in the ladies department?”

Me: “Ah, well, sir, the item that you pointed out to me is a product for ladies.”

Customer: “Item is free after rebate, yes?”

Me: “Sir, I have to ask. Do you know what the item is for?”

Customer: “It’s free.”

Me: “Yes, it is free after rebate. But do you know what the product is used for?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “This product is a lubrication for ladies that have gone through menopause.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “It is a lubricant for women who are older and can’t have children anymore.”

(He stares at me totally shocked.)

Customer: “I don’t want that!”

Me: “I thought you might not. You have a nice day, sir.”

Well I’ll Be Ducked!

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am helping someone on the phone register themselves as a chaperone for summer camp. Everything is going just fine, until…)

Me: “Okay, sir, I need the date of your last tetanus shot. I understand it may be out of date but I have to enter a date to get your registration finished. Most likely the last time you had one would have been going into seventh grade unless you had to have one for a medical reason.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I had a medical reason… I just can’t remember off the top of my head. Let me ask my wife.” *in background* “Honey, when was I bitten by that duck?”

(Luckily, I was able to mute the phone while I laughed and the wife got him a date. How on earth are you bitten by a duck and why does that result in a tetanus shot?!)

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