Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Getting The Wrong Smoke Signals

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

Customer: “I’d like a pack of [Brand] cigarettes, the brown pack.”

Me: “Sure! You know, we don’t sell much of this kind. Had a regular customer special request them and accidentally got most the other varieties trying to order the right kind.”

Customer: “I’m glad you do. They’re addictive-free!”

Me: *taken aback for a split second but managing to keep my incredulity mostly in check* “Actually, it’s just additive free. See?” *I point to the packaging* “It just means they don’t add in any extra stuff to them.”

Customer: *being super nice but sticking to her guns* “Well, they’re nicotine-free.”

Me: “No, they still have it.”

Customer: “They’re 100% tobacco, so they don’t have nicotine.”

Me: “Oh, no, nicotine is part of tobacco; you can’t really separate it out.”

Customer: *having completed the purchase starts walking away, continues responding to me, but sounding either confused, or doubtful of my knowledge* “Oh, okay…”

Me: “Yeah, it only say 100% U.S. grown. It’d be like having orange-free orange juice, you really can’t have it without the oranges… Um, have a nice day!”

(I realized as I said it that with artificial flavoring, you CAN have orange-free orange juice, but that’s beside the point.)

This Customer Giving You An Earful

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My store mostly sells gifts, but we have a rack of jewelry pieces, as well. I come around a display to check on a customer, and realize she has her hand to her ear, an expression of pain, and there’s blood on her hand.)

Customer: “I used to have my ears pierced when I was a baby, but they grew shut when I was in college. I was seeing if I could open them again with these earrings.”

(The woman was easily middle-aged, so her ears had healed decades before.)

Me: *horrified* “We don’t even allow pierced people to try on earrings for hygienic reasons, but definitely not to pierce ears!”

(She asks to use the bathroom to wash the blood, while I wipe down anything she touched with gloves and bleach, and throw out the earring she used and anything that she touched. She comes out of the bathroom.)

Customer: “Where can I get my ears pierced?”

Me: “There’s a tattoo and piercing parlor a block over.”

Customer: “A TATTOO place! Do you know how unhygienic that place could be?!”

Grandma Hates Football

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I work in an assisted living home. We only offer our restrooms to those visiting residents, employees, and visiting staff, not to the general public. It should be noted that we are near a large football stadium and people tend to park near us on game days. A person wearing the home team’s jersey, hat, etc. walks in the building and comes up to me at the front desk.)

Person: “Hello, can I use the restroom?”

Me: Are you here visiting someone?”

Person: *thinking they’ve got me* “Yes, my grandma.”

Me: “Oh? What’s her name? And I’ll need you to sign in, please.”

Person: *turning red* “Look, I just need to use the bathroom before the game.”

Me: “Yes, and they have facilities at the stadium for that.”

Person: “But there are lines! I don’t want to miss kickoff!”

Me: *shrugs* “Sorry, but the answer’s still no.”

Person: “UGH, you just hate football!” *stomps out in a huff*

(I actually like football, just not a**-hole fans. Some variation of this conversation happens every single game day with multiple people.)

Time To Prescribe Some Common Sense

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(Our pharmacy automatically substitutes a generic for brand name medication when a generic is available. The exception is if the doctor writes “brand name only,” or the patient specifically requests brand name. Of course, the generic names aren’t as well known, so the customers will sometimes be confused as to what prescription they have until we explain that the medication is a generic and does the exact same thing as the brand, though at a lower cost. The information about the drug is also printed on a pamphlet, including the brand names, in case they don’t believe us.)

Me: “Hello, [Pharmacy]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: “I didn’t get [Brand Sleep Medication]. I got it with something extra! I just want the regular type.”

Me: “I’m sorry, something extra?”

Customer: “Yeah I got [poorly pronounced Generic] instead, and you guys gave me extra.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the generic name of [Brand]; there’s nothing extra in it.”

Customer: “I don’t want the extended release, just the [Brand].”

Me: “Ma’am, that IS the regular strength. That’s just the name they use.”

Customer: *finally getting the point* “So, this [Brand]?”

Me: *giving up trying to explain generic* “Yes, ma’am, it is [Brand].”

Customer: “So there’s nothing extra in it?”

Me: “Right. Here, what’s your name, so I can look it up?”

(She gives me her name and DOB so I can verify she does in fact have the generic.)

Me: “Okay, I looked it up, that is the [Brand], regular strength.”

Customer: *finally getting the idea* “Okay, thank you!”

(I get off the phone, and the pharmacist, who has been listening to my call the whole time, is trying not to laugh as he’s talking.)

Pharmacist: “So she DIDN’T have ‘extra stuff’ in her medication?”

Me: “No, she didn’t. It was just [Generic]. Why don’t they just read the information labels?”

Pharmacist: “That would take away half of our job description.”

Pregnancy Can Attack From The Sides

| Maryville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A cashier has worked at this particular store with me for three years through college. She’s kept her pregnancy fairly quiet as she’s a private person. She’s finally showing.)

Customer #1: “Congratulations!”

Cashier: “Thank you.”

Customer #1: “Was it planned?”

Cashier: “Nope. I was trying for a puppy.”

Customer #1: *leaves*

Customer #2: “Oh! You’re pregnant! But you’re so young! You know how that happens, don’t you?”

Cashier: “I really don’t; would you mind explaining? In detail.”

Customer #2: *leaves*

Customer #3: “Were you planning a baby?”

Cashier: “Well, I was really hoping for a velociraptor but luckily I get nine months to plan for a baby instead.”

(Customer #3 leaves. I walk over to the cashier.)

Me: “You’d think after three years of seeing you every week they’d learn you don’t discuss your personal life at work.”

Cashier: “You’d think. Who asks if a baby is planned? Crazy.”

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