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Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

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You’re His Number One Choice

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am a vendor. As I work in my client retail stores, I find myself constantly explaining I am not a store employee and can’t ring people up, get their orders for them, etc. In this particular store, my work area is near the layaway desk and the restrooms. I am approached by an older man while I am filling helium balloons for my client.)

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “I don’t work for [Store], sir. Please push that button to page for help.”

Customer: “Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “I work for the balloon company. Please push the button.”

Customer: “I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME PEE!”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I need someone to watch my f****** cart while I use the men’s room!”

Me: *relieved* “Sure. Park it right over there. Nobody will bother it.”

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You Obviously Don’t Have An Anime Nose

| Japan | Bizarre, Health & Body, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I am a European girl working in a bar in Japan that advertises as being international. Foreign staff are often popular with Japanese customers who frequently tell us how “kawaii” (cute) we are. On this occasion I am talking to a couple of slightly drunk Japanese girls.)

Customer: “Aaaaaaah, you’re so cute!”

Me: *smiling, since we get this a lot* “Thank you.”

Customer: “Ah, you’re so cute! It’s because your face is small and you have a nose!”

Me: “Thank you…?”

(Apparently having a nose is somehow exciting!)

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Pizza For Medicinal Purposes

, | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work at a pizza place, whose phone number is very close to the local doctor’s office.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello, I need to place an appointment for my son.”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have a wrong number. This is the pizza place.”

Caller: “What? Can’t you just transfer me to the office in [Town]?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this is the pizza place. We have no association to the doctor’s office, so I can’t transfer you there. The number for the doctor’s office is [number].”

Caller: “Oh. Can I order a pizza?”

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Diapathetic

| AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Time

(I’m the head hostess on staff at an up-scale restaurant on a very busy Friday night. It’s not long before the restaurant is packed with customers waiting for tables. The hostesses are located at a desk directly in front of the front doors where patrons check in and get a pager, which is customary for any restaurant with high wait times. An angry female customer approaches our desk in the middle of the dinner rush. There is a long line of people waiting to check in.)

Customer: “How much longer is it going to be?! We’ve been waiting forty-five minutes!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. May I have your name or pager number so I can check where you are on the list?”

Customer: “What pager number? I never gave you my name and we never got a pager!”

Coworker: *recognizing customer* “Oh… uh…”

Me: “I apologize for the misunderstanding, ma’am. Did you check in with the girls here when you arrived?”

Customer: “Well, yeah! I asked if tables were available and they said there was a wait! Nobody told me I had to give my name! My children are starving!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. I would have gotten your information, but you walked away when I informed you of our hour-long wait—”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous. We’ve been standing right over there watching you for the past hour! My son is diabetic!”

Me: “Again, I apologize for the miscommunication. Perhaps if you have a small snack for your son to tide him over, we can get you in as soon as possible.”

Customer: “What?! I don’t just carry food around with me! Can’t you bring him something from the kitchen?!”

(We got them in at the next available table, if only to make her go away!)

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Understands The Condom Minimum

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)

Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*

Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”

Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)

Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”

(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)

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