Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a southwestern-themed restaurant, and many of our recipes include similar spices, just in different amounts. Onion is one of the most prominent ingredients in our recipes, and we sometimes get a request for ‘no onion’ in certain items. We can make some things, but it’d be pretty much just lettuce, cheese, and any number of fresh chopped vegetables that aren’t onion or mixed with anything that has onion in it. As such, I get this man in line.)

Customer: “I’d like a burrito.”

Me: “Okay, would you like that with or without guacamole today?”

Customer: “With.”

(The guacamole has onion in it.)

Me: “What kind of meat on your burrito?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

(The chicken has onion in the seasoning.)

Me: “Any rice or beans?”

Customer: “Sure, I’ll take [rice with onion in it], and [beans with onion in them].”

Me: “Any grilled vegetables?”

Customer: “Ooh, no, thank you. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “Sir… if you’re allergic to onions then I highly suggest you don’t eat this burrito. There is a load of onion in it already.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m only allergic to onion that I can see.”

(Eight years of culinary experience, and this is the first time I’ve heard that excuse. I made him his burrito – leaving off anything with visible onion – and he went on his way. No complaints yet.)

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 8

But What Does The Fox Say?

| UK | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A family bring their cat in for a check-up, concerned about a puncture wound through her lip. They say the cat was outdoors for longer than usual and then came home with this wound. I examine the cat:)

Me: “I think she might have been hit by a car.”

Owner: “No, she can’t have been. She’s still alive.”

Me: “Well… see her claws here? They’re all scuffed? That’s very common in cats after a road traffic accident.”

Owner: “She has a hole in her lip; I think she was bitten by a fox.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that; she has a lot of other wounds as well, and they don’t really fit with being attacked by a fox.”

Owner: “She has a bite wound in her lip like a fox got hold of her.”

Me: “Yes, she does have a wound in her lip, but see how some of her teeth are also chipped, particularly her canine teeth? Look, the hole looks like it lines up with this top, broken canine tooth. If she had been hit by a car, it might have caused this damage to her teeth.”

Owner: “She can’t have been hit by a car. Our other cat was hit by a car and we found him dead by the side of the road.”

Me: “Well, if the car was going slower it could have hit her without killing her.”

Owner: “Cars don’t drive slowly down our road. If she had been hit by a car she would be dead. It must have been a fox.”

(The owner wouldn’t let me treat the cat until I said the damage was done by a fox.)

An Eye-Popping Transaction

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It’s my last day at my store, so I’m more relaxed and friendlier with customers than usual, making off the wall jokes that most have appreciated. I’ve mostly been filling balloon orders while my coworkers work the registers and man the aisles. It’s fifteen minutes to closing when a grumpy older woman comes in and slaps a pack of balloons down.)

Customer: “I need these filled up now. How much are they?”

Me: “We usually charge the normal rate for balloons bought outside our store. However I can blow them up for a dollar instead.” *this is thirty cents cheaper per balloon*

Customer: “That’s too much. I’m not paying that.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t blow your balloons up, then. We do have a tank over there for twenty five dollars that you can use, though.”

Customer: “WHAT? I need these done right now! I don’t have time to go anywhere else. I need them done! I have a party I’m supposed to be at. Fine, I’ll pay; just hurry up!”

(I’m one of the faster people on the helium tanks, but she’s yelling at me the whole time I’m blowing up all fifteen balloons. As soon as I’m done, she pulls out another pack that has glow-in-the-dark lights inside.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, we can’t blow those up. They have metal pieces inside, and if one of the balloons were to pop, it could hurt someone.”

Customer: “That makes no sense at all! You blew all of those up without popping them. You’re just being lazy! Blow those up or I’m reporting you.”

Me: “One of those can pop and hit me in the eye. I’m not losing my eyesight because you want them blown up.”

Customer: “Listen to me. My grandson wants these balloons blown up. You are going to blow them up, or I swear, I’m going to make your life miserable.” *shoves the balloons at me again* “Now get to blowing them up! I am not going to wait around while you make any more stupid excuses.”

Me: “So, it’s okay for me to lose my eye because your grandson really wants these blown up, huh?”

Customer: *stuttering* “That’s not what I said at all! You’re putting words in my mouth now. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of blowing up ten balloons, all because some metal might shoot out at you or not.”

Me: “That’s a big chance of might. Are you going to pay for my doctor bills?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “My doctor bills. I can’t afford to pay for surgery to repair or remove my eye. Are you going to pay for it?”

Customer: “No… what are you talking about?”

Me: “Are you going to pay for my recuperation while I’m out of a job? I won’t be able to drive if I lose my eye, which means I won’t be able to come to work. Are you going to pay my bills?”

Customer: *stares at me like I’m insane* “I’ll just take these fifteen, then.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s all fun and games until you get reminded that we’re human beings, too, huh? Have a nice day.”

(My manager called the next day to tell me I was over the top, but she was laughing as she said it. When the woman called to complain the next day, she demanded to have me fired, and my manager told her I couldn’t be fired; I didn’t work there. Apparently, it confused the woman, and she hung up.)

A More Sedate Type Of Customer

| UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I’m on the checkout serving a customer who has done nothing but smile and stare at me silently the entire time. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t blinked at all either. I’m debating whether to ask her when she starts leaning unhealthily to the right.)

Me: “Miss, are you all right?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m fine. I took some sedatives before coming in. I was hoping to make it home before they kicked in but, oh well.”

(She waved me off as she turned and headed for the exit, leaving me and her purchases behind. She made it about halfway down before she collapsed. We called an ambulance and tried to bring her around. The paramedics knew her by name.)

Can Still Be Frou-Frou After Poo-Poo

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am on my way to use the restroom. The path takes me through our clothing department, where two women are looking through the racks. As I draw closer, one of them turns and shouts.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ! FINALLY, a person!”

Me: *startled* “Hello! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED MY PANTS!”

(Her tone was not that of someone in panic because she’d just had an accident, but more of pure, unbridled rage that I somehow hadn’t correctly guessed what was happening on my own.)

Customer: “OH, MY F****** GOD, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE STARING AT ME? I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED IN MY PANTS!”

Me: *completely unsure of what she wanted me to do about it* “I’m sorry, ma’am, there’s a restroom right over here where you can clean—”

Customer: “YOU’RE SO INCOMPETENT! I NEED NEW CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, what size do you wear? I can get you a change of clothes while you use the restr—”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU JOKING? I HAVE A MESS IN MY PANTS AND YOU—” *shakes her head and flails her hands in the air like I’m the dumbest person she has ever encountered*

(Meanwhile her companion quietly wanders away, unwilling to calm her down or help with the situation.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to help you.”

Customer: “F****** FINE! GET ME SOME SHORTS!”

(I go to the nearest rack of shorts and grab a pair that I guess are close to her size.)

Customer: “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY? I WOULDN’T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN THOSE!”

(She rolled her eyes, turned, and trailing obscenities stormed out the door while shaking her head and waving her arms around. Apparently one should be concerned with fashion first, regardless of the situation.)

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