Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

That’s Not The Way To Get Their Number

| Rocklin, CA, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I’m typing in a patient’s vitals in the exam room and have just asked her to rate her pain on a 1-10 scale.)

Patient: “Well, it feels kinda like someone took a piece of rebar and shoved it in my hip from here all the way to here.”

(As she was speaking, she had come over to where I was standing at the computer, and ran her finger firmly down my butt to my calf! I was too surprised to move and she clearly didn’t intend anything by it, but it’s a lot more intimate than I usually get with patients! And she never did give me a number. That was all I wanted.)

This Is How Diabetes Works, So Okay!

| UK | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I am serving two women who have come into the restaurant for lunch. I am taking their order.)

Customer: “Yes, and could you be extra careful with my meal? I’m diabetic, you see.”

Me: “Of course. Just to let you know, we do offer diabetic friendly meals. They had a ‘D’ next to them on the menu—”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. I think I know a little more about diabetes than an idiot-child like yourself who’s probably just left school.”

Me: “Actually, I’m at university, but the reason I say this to you is because I myself suffer from diabetes, and in fact fought for the identification you see on the menu.”

Customer: “You’re diabetic?”

Me: “Yes, miss.”

Customer: “Oh, well. Thank you.”

(She says nothing else so I head for the kitchen; however, I look back before I actually go in and notice the woman dragging her friend out of the door. I don’t understand what happened but ultimately forget about it until a couple of hours later, when her friend comes back in.)

Friend: “Hi, sorry. I’m not sure if you remember me. I was in before with my friend who said she was—” *with air quotes* “—diabetic?”

Me: “Yes, I remember. I saw you leave. I hope it wasn’t anything I said.”

Friend: “Oh, no. It’s just, and I don’t know how to say this kindly: my friend isn’t diabetic.”

Me: “Really?”

Friend: “Yes, she just admitted it. I’ve spent the last month panicking whenever she took a tumble, ‘cause she said ‘attacks’ were common with diabetes. She’s been lying this whole time for special attention. I think she panicked when you said you were, too, and had to come clean.”

Me: “I see.”

Friend: “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “No, it’s all right. It’s just, wow…”

Friend: “She kept saying she had the ‘bad’ kind whenever I asked. I know there’s different kinds, but I didn’t understand what she meant.”

Me: “I don’t know either. There are two kinds, Type 1 and 2, but both have advantages over the other. I have Type 2 and it’s diet controlled, so my body produces insulin, just not enough. I can’t eat anything I want because it would put my glucose up too high for too long. Type 1 is where your body destroys the part of you that makes insulin, so it needs to be delivered a different way, usually injections. Technically you can eat anything you want, as long as you counter it. The drawback is that if it isn’t properly controlled, the damage can be more severe. You’re also more at risk of attacks like your friend said, where your glucose drops below what is needed to function, so you shut down. I’m not at risk of that because I only use the insulin my body makes.”

Friend: *going pale* “Oh, my god. That sounds really serious.”

Me: “It is, but easily manageable. People used to die from it, but now millions of diabetics live normal lives.”

Friend: “I just can’t understand why she would lie like this, with something like that! And I’m so stupid; I just believed her.”

Me: “You aren’t stupid. A lot of people don’t take the time to understand it so there’s a lot of ignorance.”

Friend: “Oh, thank you, and again, I’m sorry. I felt you deserved to know.”

(She left, but I was a bit shaken by the revelation. It was the first time I had ever encountered someone who lied about having diabetes, and hopefully my last.)

Not How Diabetes Works But Okay

Suffering From Prescription Dysfunction

| Canada | Health & Body

(I am helping a customer whose prescription for Cialis 20mg has expired. The customer only has Cialis 5mg still on file, which someone has filled for him instead of the 20mg.)

Me: “Were you wanting to wait until your doctor faxed back about the 20mg Cialis?”

Customer: “No, I’ll just pop four of the 5mg. Although I really want the 20mg ones since they do the work!”

Me: “Do you only take one of the 20mg Cialis?”

Customer: “OH, YA! Except if I’m at a crazy party, and then I pop a few.”

Me: “…”

Head First Into An Incident Report

| Central Valley, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I look up to see a small child falling face first out of his mother’s cart, slamming his head very hard on the floor.)

Mother: “AAHHHH! OH, MY GOD!”

(I am very startled but remain calm and follow procedure.)

Me: *on walkie-talkie* “Code green: electronics.”

Mother: “Oh, my god! Call paramedics!”

(Knowing the costliness of ambulances, I pick up the phone but ask more questions before calling.)

Me: “Security and management is on the way; what happened exactly?”

Mother: “OH, MY GOD! I DON’T KNOW! I had him standing in the cart and he just got excited and fell out. Oh, my god! Can you, like, get someone to check him out or something…” *starts behaving very awkwardly*

Me: *baffled* “Well, uh… I mean… No one here at [Store] is a trained medical professional or anything.”

(By this time, security and all managers on the floor are responding, on the way with ice for the poor little child.)

Me: *to the hurt child* “Hey, how do you feel, bud? Does it hurt?” *the child stands there holding his head, responding only with sniffles*

Me: *to mother* “Is he normally pretty talkative?”

Mother: “Ya…” *awkward still*

Me: “How old is he?”

Mother: “Three…” *by this time she has lost all her enthusiasm and is just awkwardly staring*

Me: “Okay, so I think you should definitely take him to a doctor to make sure he’s not concussed or anything. Maybe the walk-in right down the road?”

Mother: *still awkwardly staring* “But can I, like, fill out a report or something…”

Manager: “Was there a spill? Did you slip?”

Mother: “No…” *looks around* “But shouldn’t there be a sign or something?”

(Every cart everywhere has a caution printed right on it for this reason exactly. Ours specifically states “Do not let child stand in cart. Child can fall out causing severe head injury.” Security later reviewed video to observe the incident. Turned out she was pushing that cart super fast with her kid standing in it and stopped abruptly. Nice.)

Beware The Milks!

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I worked for our phone line for nearly two years before the stress got to me and I had to be moved to another section. One phone call from a guest still plagues my mind, however, and I will never *ever* forget it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; can I help you find something?”

Caller: *with the heaviest accent I have ever heard in my lifetime* “I has many milks.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “No, you see… I has many many milks. I am allergic to the milks and have a car that was going to do the breaking down. I buy many organic milks because the cows they eat the grass and I can drink the milks. So get many milks because cannot drive to store cause car going to break down. But after car break down, cannot drink milks! Still allergic! You need call the farm because the cows are not drinking the grass and come get many milks. They will go bad!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask a question. Are you lactose intolerant?”

Caller: “Very much so!”

Me: “I am, too, and if I may make a recommendation, [Brand of milk that is lactose free] will be safe to digest at a lower price than organic. Organic milk still contains lactose.”

Caller: “No! The cows; they are not eating the grass! I cannot drink the milk! Call the farm!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I cannot contact the supplier. If you search the brand on the Internet you may find their customer service number.”

Caller: “Fine, now come get the milks.”

Me: “We do not do home item retrieval, ma’am. You would have to bring the items to our store to return them.”

Caller: “No! The car, she is broken! I cannot drive it! You come get the milks!”

Me: “Perhaps you can borrow a friend or family member’s car or bum a ride from them?”

Caller: “No! You come get them!”

Me: “I cannot, ma’am.”

Caller: “FINE! Get manager!”

Me: “Right away. Please hold.” *goes to transfer line but she hangs up the moment I pull the phone away* “I can’t believe that just happened…”

Coworker: “Please, for the love of all that is beautiful, transfer that call to me next time.”

(She never called back.)

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