Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

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Not Buying Into Your American Dream

| Birkenhead, England, UK | Geography, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I used to work in a call center for an international, but UK-based retail company. The company ships worldwide; however we only have stores in Europe, UAE, and South Africa. A call comes through. A man with an American accent speaks. I do the usual, scripted greeting.)

Caller: “I’m very upset with the service I received in your New York store.”

(We don’t have a New York store.)

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry to hear that; however, we don’t hav—”

Caller: *interrupting* “I was just in there with my wife…”

(He continues on the phone for five minutes detailing every horrible thing that apparently happened to him in a store we don’t have. He was even so bold as to make up names and descriptions of staff members. He keeps mentioning that a suitable apology would be a “10% off discount and free delivery for life.” He finishes the cacophony of the apparent racial, verbal, and mental anguish he suffered by saying he’s with a staff member who can back up his claim.)

Me: *trying to stop the nonsense* “I do understand your frustration here; however, we do not have a Ne—”

(I am interrupted again as the man puts a woman on the phone, claiming she works for the store and witnessed the abuse. The woman also states she has been in contact with the head office in New York (our head office is in London) and they agreed on the discount and it was just up to customer services to sort it out for him.)

Me: “I—”

(The man returns to the phone, saying he spends a lot of money in the store and is a loyal customer. He continues, again, for a further five minutes. The call has lasted fifteen minutes and I should have ended my shift five minutes into the call. Frustrated, I interrupt the man.)

Me: “We are dreadfully sorry to hear about the service you received in our store. In order for us to sort this discount out for you, I just need you to answer one question.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s good! What do you need to know? My name is—”

Me: *interrupting* “You are aware we do not have any stores in North America?”

Caller: *click*

(If it hadn’t have been keeping me in the call centre, I would have let the call continue just to see how big of a hole this guy could dig himself into.)

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Ukraizy

| NY, USA | Geography, History

(I am buying a newspaper, in addition to other things, which has an article about the Ukraine on the front.)

Customer: “You know, you kids should really be worrying more.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Customer: “Because World War Three is coming.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’m not so much the military type. I suppose I’ll just go hide in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, you think that! But Canada is voting soon to leave the Commonwealth! They want to be part of Russia!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Really? I suppose that puts Alaska in an awkward position.”

Customer: “You don’t even know!”

(After this, she went on for several minutes about assorted crackpot political theories. I felt bad for the people waiting.)

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No MO Delivery

| MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geography

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Delivery or carry-out today?”

Caller: “Where are you located?”

Me: “We’re on [Street] near [Intersection].”

Caller: “No I mean WHERE are you located? Like, are you in Missouri?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, we are.”

Caller: “Are you next to a [Fast Food Chain with thousands of locations nationwide]?”

Me: “We’re across the street from a [Fast Food Chain].”

Caller: “Okay, you’re who I need. I want a pizza delivered to [Street I’ve never heard of].”

Me: “That address doesn’t seem to be in our area. What’s the zip code so I can look that up for you?”

Caller: “[Zip code I don’t recognize].”

Me: “I’m not sure where that is. What city are you in?”

Caller: “How do you not know that? It’s [City], Florida!”

Me: “Sir… I’m in Missouri.”

Caller: “THAT’S WHAT I ASKED YOU BEFORE!”

Me: “And I said yes.”

Caller: “So, you don’t deliver here?”

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Can’t Transfer Through Their Thick Skull

| Rogue River, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I am the receptionist for a company that sells moisture meters. When a customer calls, they get an automated message saying the name of the company and what we offer before they reach me.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a tree in my front yard that I need removed.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I believe you have the wrong number. We offer moisture meters for wood and concrete here.”

Caller: “Okay. Well can’t you just transfer me to someone who can help?”

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t have anyone here that can help you. You’ll have to call a different company.”

Caller: “Okay. But can’t you just TRANSFER me to someone who can help.”

Me: “I don’t have any way of doing that.”

Caller: “Well, I have a tree in my yard that I need to have removed. Who do I need to call?”

Me: “I’m not sure because we sell moisture meters for wood and concrete here.”

Caller: “Well, do you know of a company that I can call?”

(Obviously this lady doesn’t understand that she’s called a business and I’m getting nowhere so I change the approach.)

Me: “Where are you located?”

Caller: *some city far away from where I am*

Me: “Okay, we’re located in Rogue River, Oregon, and I’m not familiar with your town so I don’t know who to direct you to.”

Caller: “OKAY. But can’t you just TRANSFER me to someone who can?!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am the receptionist for a company that sells moisture meters. I am not an operator that can direct you to any other number.”

Caller: “Ohhhhhhhhh. Okay. So then transfer me to the operator. Thank you!”

Doesn’t Know Zip About His Code

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I am processing a customer’s application and realize his zip code on his account is ****6 but the one on his application is ****1. Wanting to correct the mistaken one I ask him.)

Me: “Excuse me. Sir, what is your zip code?”

Customer: “It’s ****4.”

Me: “Sir, you put ****1 on your application and our account is showing ****6. That’s 3 different zip codes.

Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter. They are all the same city, so I just give whichever one pops into my head first.”

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