Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

Doesn’t Bavaria With Distances

| Berlin, Germany | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

(Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

Has A Vocation For Location

| Rochester, NY, USA | Geography, Top

(I work in a very high end grocery store, with many rich customers. I approach a lost-looking customer.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I doubt it; the last time I shopped here no one could help me find a d*** thing!”

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. I know where everything is, and I’m sure I can help you if you’d like.”

Customer: *sarcastic* “Oh really, you know where everything is?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Pickles?”

Me: “Aisle 16B.”

Customer: “Note cards.”

Me: “17.”

Customer: “Anchovies.”

Me: “16B again.”

Customer: “Batteries.”

Me: “Next to register one.”

(This rapid fire Q&A goes on for five more minutes. I never mess up.)

Customer: “Alright smart guy, where are the shores of Tripoli?”

Me: “Libya.”

Customer: “Wow, I was just trying to throw you off there. How did you know that off the top of your head?”

Me: “I told you; I know where everything is.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

Inferior Knowledge On Lake Superior

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work at a movie theatre in a museum which specializes in showing documentary features. We currently have one about the Great Lakes.)

Customer: “Excuse me! What’s the next movie about?”

Me: “Well, it’s mostly about the attempts to re-introduce sturgeon into the rivers surrounding the Great Lakes and—”

Customer: “Well yeah, but which Great Lakes?”

Me: “Um… all of them.”

Customer: “No, WHICH GREAT LAKES? Like, the ones in Canada, or the ones in America?”

Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure they’re the same lakes.”

Customer: “No no no, there are the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America. They’re different.”

Me: “Well, I think the border runs through most of them—”

Customer: “Who would put a national border in the middle of lake? Honestly, you’d think they’d teach you something about the movies you play here.”

That’s Natch The Way You Say It

| Robeline, LA, USA | Funny Names, Geography, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “How do I get to ‘Natchy-toe-chess?'”

Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Nak-a-tesh,’ and it’s a straight shot from here.”

Customer: “Oh, wow. I was way off, wasn’t I?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about that ‘Provencial’ place I saw on a sign?”

Me: “It’s ‘Prahv-en-saw.'”

Customer: “Wow. Then I suppose the name of this town isn’t ‘Robe-line?'”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s ‘Ro-buh-lean.'”

Customer: “Next year I’m going on vacation in Texas. None of the places there have such weird names!”

Lightning Fast Sarcasm

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

Guest: “And when will that be?”

Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

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