Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

Lost Without Any Maps

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Geography

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “I need an atlas without any maps.”

Me: *extremely puzzled* “Sorry, an atlas, which is a book of maps, without any maps in it?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any?”

Me: “I don’t think so, but you’re in the section with all the atlases, so you’re free to look through them if you’d like.”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 9

| Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a call centre for an airline making flight bookings to customers. Time difference between Helsinki (GMT+2) and New York (GMT-5) is seven hours.)

Me: “[Airline]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to book return flights from Helsinki to New York. I need go there for a meeting and then come back quickly to another meeting in Helsinki.”

Me: “Sure. When is your meeting you need to attend in New York?”

Customer: “It’s day after tomorrow at 17:00.”

Me: “Okay, that’s really quite a quick departure. Our flights to New York depart at 14:10 and they arrive in New York at 15:55 the same day. I would suggest that you leave tomorrow since you probably won’t get through passport control in an hour to make it to your meeting. Then you would also have at least some time to get used to the time difference.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do, I have a meeting tomorrow here that I need to attend. The meeting is at the airport in New York so I can fly day after tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure, I’ll book you the flight the day after tomorrow. When would you like to return?”

Customer: “I have meeting the next morning at 9.00 in Helsinki, so I need to get back from there right away.”

Me: “Oh, that is a problem. Our direct flight back to Helsinki leaves at 17:45, but you won’t make it since your meeting starts at 17:00 and that’s the time you would already need to be back at the gate for boarding. Even with that direct flight you would be back in Helsinki the next morning at 8:50 so you would not make it to a meeting starting at 9:00.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “If you wish to be in Helsinki the next day at 9:00 you would need to leave latest with our 17:45 direct flight to Helsinki and even then you would be late cause the flight arrives in Helsinki at 8:50 and it takes some time for you to go through the passport control and customs.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? How can it take so long to get back?”

Me: “Miss, the flight time for our direct flight from New York to Helsinki is 8 hours and 5 minutes.”

Customer: “Then what the f*** are you talking about the arrival time? If the plane leaves New York at 17:45, it should be in Helsinki somewhere around 2:00 in the morning? I would have plenty of time to get to my meeting!”

Me: “Miss, please note that these times are always on local time of the city stated 17:45 departure time is local time in New York and 8:50 arrival time is local time in Helsinki and there is a seven-hour time difference in between.”

Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? If the flight leaves Helsinki at 14:10 and arrives in New York at 15:55, and then you’re telling me the return flight is from 17:45 to 8:50 the next morning? Check your facts, little miss. The flight from here to New York takes about two hours and the return flight fifteen hours?”

Me: “The flight time to New York is 8 hours 45 minutes and the flight time back to Helsinki is 8 hours and 5 minutes, but you need to consider also the time difference. When the flight leaves from Helsinki at 14:10, local time in New York is only 7:10 in the morning, so the plane arrives in New York 8 hours and 45 minutes later at 15:55…”

Customer: “So what you’re basically saying is that it takes for the flight almost 8 times longer to come back from New York than to fly to New York. Look, you little girl, I’ve been flying so much these flights that I know how this works. You’re incompetent. I want to talk to someone more experienced who knows how to make my booking. Transfer me to your supervisor!”

Me: “Certainly, miss.”

(I took a call to my supervisor, explained the situation, and transferred her through. She ended up yelling to my supervisor that our whole company was incompetent and that she was going to make her bookings through another airline that was more professional.)

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6

Well… Maybe After Brexit…

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I overhear a conversation between a coworker and a customer at the teller line:)

Customer: “I’m actually moving to a different country soon.”

Coworker: “Oh, what country are you moving to?”

Customer: “London.”

(I really hope she figures out London isn’t a country before she moves there!)

Their Geographical Knowledge Is Its Own Little Island

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I am working at a small local pub/restaurant not far from the beach on Hilton Head Island, SC. You can literally see the ocean from the tables on the porch outside our establishment. We get a lot of visitors from all over, but none were ever this geographically challenged.)

Guest: “How long has this been an island?”

Me: *joking* “About twenty years, I think. It was purchased from Belize and towed up here.”

Guest: *oddly* “So… does the water go all the way around the island?”

Me: “Only at night, sir… Y’know during high tide.”

Guest: *nodding* “Hmmm… I thought so.”

Wife: “It can’t be an island… We crossed a bridge!”

Me: *suddenly realizing they’re NOT joking, and that they really are this stupid* “Yep, you did. Over water”

Wife: *b*tchy* “So…what’s on the other side of that lake, then?” *pointing east*

Me: “Spain.”

Wife: “Oh, honey… we can get to Spain from here!”

This Man Is An Island

| Cork, Ireland | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work in a call centre taking reservations for a large hotel chain. Some of the exchanges will stick with me a very long time.)

Me: “Good Afternoon. Thank you for calling [Hotel] central reservations. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “You sound weird; where are you located?”

(The caller is overflow from our American centre and has a strong southern US accent himself.)

Me: “We’re in Ireland, sir.”

Caller: “What island?”

Me: *trying to pronounce the ‘r’ as clearly as possible* “Ireland, it—”

Caller: “Yeah, I heard you. What island?”

Me: “No, the Republic of Ireland. It—”

Caller: “Look if y’all don’t know what island you’re on, why the h*** would I get a room from you?!”

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