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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Ordering Was Not His Calling

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a fish and chip takeaway, and have just had a phone order from a lady who ordered fish and chips, as well as a mussel fritter. After hanging up to pin up the order, the manager tells me we are out of mussel fritters, and since it is relatively quiet tells me to phone her back in order to ask whether she wants an alternative. I dial the number I’d written on the order. A man, who I assume is the caller’s husband, picks up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Takeaway]. I’m calling about an order you’ve just placed earlier?”

Customer: “What? Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Takeaway]. I’m just calling to ask you about an order you placed earlier-“

Customer: “You’re the takeaway?”

(I’m worried I may have had the wrong number, but it’s highly unlikely.)

Me: “Yes. I want to ask you about—”

Customer: “No, why are you calling? You’re a takeaway, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, I’m calling concerning your order-“

Customer: “No, listen here. You’re a takeaway. You’re not supposed to be calling me. You don’t call people. I’m supposed to be calling you. Goodbye.”

(He hangs up. I confirm through the phone system that I had called the right number, as the last two calls through the phone are the same number and matches the one on the order, but I don’t say anything. Later, a man picks up the order, the same one I assume took the call.)

Me: *being very polite and making it out to be as much my fault as possible* “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise as I took your order, but we’d actually run out of mussel fritters. I tried to call you back but I couldn’t reach you, so we replaced it with a paua fritter. Is that okay?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a paua fritter. I don’t like the taste. Why didn’t you say anything when you took the order?”

(Cue internal screaming.)

Dealing With A Very Sour Lemon

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a waiter at a very popular Italian restaurant chain. I am serving two middle-aged women. Customer #1 is a very frumpy woman, while Customer #2 is much nicer and does not make a single complaint. I start by welcoming them.)

Me: “Good evening, ladies, welcome to [Restaurant]! Would you like to try our—”

Customer #1: “Iced tea, unsweetened, with lemon.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we have just run out of lemon. I could substitute it with a lime, if you’d like.”

Customer #1: “I can’t drink iced tea without the lemon! What kind of restaurant runs out of lemon?! Fine, I’ll have a diet soda with lemon, then.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we’re out of lemon. We have iced tea and diet soda, but we’re out of lemon.”

Customer: “I CAN’T DRINK DIET SODA WITHOUT LEMON! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR RUNNING OUT OF LEMONS!” *she calms down a bit* “Okay, I’ll have a water with lemon.”

(I see her friend mouth “Sorry!” at me. Later on, after the drink fiasco and their meals have been served, I come to check back on them.)

Me: “How are your meals so far, ladies?”

Customer #1: “My food is great, but the tines on my fork are too far apart, and I cannot twirl my pasta properly!”

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry, but these are the only forks we have.” *turning my attention towards Customer #2, as I’ve had enough of Customer #1’s complaints* “How is your food, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “Well, my dinner is excellent, young man. You are an outstanding server!”

(After they paid the check, which they had requested to be separate, I find that Customer #1 has left me a very disappointing tip, but Customer #2 has left me more than enough to make up for dealing with her friend’s outrageous behavior!)

The Price Is Fright

| Dublin, Ireland | Food & Drink, Money, Movies & TV

Customer: “I’ll have two medium popcorns, two cokes, and packet of sweets, please”.

Me: “No problem, sir. That’ll be €20.”

Customer: “Are you f****** serious?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That price is ridiculous. I’m not paying that”

Me: “That’s okay, sir. If you are unhappy with the prices there is a shop across the street.”

Customer: “Do you know what you are? You’re a f****** criminal. How dare you charge those prices!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t make the prices.”

Customer: *pauses for a moment* “Yeah, well… I don’t make the prices either.”

Me: *completely confused* “So, would you like your items or should I put them back?”

Customer: “Well, it seems I don’t have a choice. I guess I’ll have to buy them now. Oh, and I’ll also take a nachos.”

Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee

, | Supermarket | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m a manager at a popular grocery chain. A certain brand of pasta has just been recalled due to some broken glass getting mixed into some of the batches of boxes and as a precaution, all boxes are removed from the store. One of my new employees, a high school part-timer, is stocking shelves with me. She’s so timid that she makes a rabbit look exciting, but she is normally very good with customers. On this day, a well-dressed older gentleman approaches her and asks about the pasta brand.)

Employee: “Oh, sorry, sir. That brand has been involuntarily recalled.”

(Most people understand that that means we have none of it and I thought it would be the end. However, when I hear her scream suddenly, I turn to see the man has hurled his shopping basket at her face and she’d barely managed to duck in time.)

Man: YOU’RE F******* KIDDING ME! I NEED THAT FOR MY GRANDSON’S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THAT SCRAWNY LITTLE A** BACK IN THAT F****** STOCKROOM AND GET THAT F****** BRAND NOW!!

(I’m about to storm over, but to my surprise and amazement, my employee gets right up, composes herself and turns.)

Employee: “Right away, sir. I’ll be right back.”

Man: “WALK FASTER, YOU LITTLE SNOT! I’M IN A HURRY!”

(Dumbfounded, I watch as she goes to the back for a minute and comes back out with one of the recalled boxes AND the notice stating the recall. She hands him the box.)

Employee: “Is this what you wanted, sir?”

Man: “YES! You’re too f****** slow!”

Employee: “My apologies. Oh, and sir, could I get your grandson’s name, please? I’d like to send him a get-well soon card in a few days when he’ll have to be hospitalized.”

Man: *whirls around* “WHAT?!”

Employee: “Oh, yes, sir. Eating broken glass is sure to lacerate his insides horribly. He’ll be hemorrhaging blood, no doubt, maybe throwing it up as well. It’s really not a pretty sight. That’s why this brand has been recalled and taken off the shelves. Some broken glass got into the mixing vats at the factory. But if you’re so insistent on having THAT brand of pasta, then I guess it can’t be helped.”

Man: “Y-YOU’RE S****** ME?!”

Employee: “No, sir, I’m afraid I’m serious. We have some generic brands of the same thing that’ll taste about the same if you’d like.”

Man: *pales considerably and drops the box* “Uh… y-yeah, sure. Can… uh, can you show me where they are? Maybe?”

Employee: “Of course. They’re right here, and they’re actually cheaper!”

Popcorn Folorn

| Napa, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am serving popcorn to customers. It’s kind of slow since it’s close to closing. A customer comes up to me and my co-worker:)

Customer: “Hey, don’t you guys have free popcorn after nine?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Coworker: “Yeah, no.”

Customer: “Oh, I mean after 9:15, and oh, look, it’s 9:15.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No? D***!” *walks out of the theatre*

Coworker: “What just happened?”

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