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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Beguiling Bagels

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is less than five minutes before closing on a Friday night, when a clearly drunk individual walks into the bagel shop where I work. The store manager has worked with me for years, in multiple settings, and we like to take turns pinning each other with the unruly guests.)

Customer: “I want a dozen doughnuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you mean a dozen bagels?”

Customer: “Did I say I wanted f****** bagels? I said f****** doughnuts. I want a dozen doughnuts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry doughnuts.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** don’t you have any f****** doughnuts?”

Me: *in a sugary-sweet voice, with a cheek-aching, full toothed grin* “Because, we’re a F****** BAGEL SHOP, SIR. Also, we’re closed now. Have a lovely evening.”

(My manager proceeded to laugh hysterically, as she followed him to the door, locking it behind him.)

Has No Time For Your Closing Time

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Time

(I am closing at the fast food place, so things are slowing down. I get a customer in drive-thru who orders a lot of food, and several drinks, all large. I have very specific rules on when to take orders when there are only three people, including myself working. As I’m taking the payment, someone comes up to order.)

Me: *after automated message plays:* “Just one moment, please.”

Customer: *after about 15 seconds* “Hello?”

Me: *as I’m trying to count out the change for the polite customer at my window* “I’m sorry, give me just a minute.”

(The process repeats a few times before the customer trying to order gets fed up.)

Customer: *talking to his passenger* “Fine, let’s just go to McDonald’s.”

(They then they drive off, rather impatiently. As I’m handing out all of the food for the customer at my window:)

Customer #2: “Sorry for ordering so much.”

Me: “Not a problem; you have a nice night.”

(About 10 minutes later, that same truck, with Mister Impatient, comes back and places an order.)

Me: *at the window during payment* “McDonald’s closes before us here.”

(The customer gave me a startled look, not sure how I knew.)

Don’t Ask Where The Chicken Came From

| SC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work at a new Chinese restaurant in a small town; a customer is looking over a menu.)

Customer: “What’s human chicken?”

(Cue laughter:)

Customer: “Oh! Hunan chicken! I mean Hunan chicken!”