Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Brain Freeze Will Make No Difference

| Calgary, AB, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(So I work at a college as a coffee server. I really wonder how some people made it this far. I am prepping a customers order. She turns to her friend.)

Customer: “Do you want your double-double?”

Friend: “No, thanks, I’m going to get an iced cappuccino.”

Customer: “It’s below 10 out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I gave up caffeine for Lent, so I’m going to have an iced cap.”

Customer: “You know there caffeine in that, right?”

Friend: “Yes, in a HOT cappuccino. When you freeze it you kill the caffeine, so therefore it’s caffeine free. The sugar will keep me awake.”

Zipping From One Line To Another

| Stevens, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a retreat and adventure center. One of our main attractions is a zipline canopy tour that requires one to make a reservation. Many call in to do so and inquire about certain safety issues and other things.)

Me: “Hello, [Camp]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to reserve a spot for ziplining.”

Me: “Okay, what day?”

Customer: “Sunday.”

Me: “Okay, and what time.”

Customer: “What time is best? What time will get us finished by dinner?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. How about three?”

Customer: “Okay, and what time would be best for us to leave so we can get there on time?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, it depends on where you live.”

Customer: “And I wanted to stick in a pot roast and have it done when we return. What would be the best temperature to leave the pot roast at so that it will be done when we get back?”

Comic: Starting A New Year Revolution

, | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Comics, Food & Drink, Holidays

Totally Free From Thought, Part 2

, | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(We have a rewards card: one stamp with every purchase and every five purchases, you get a free doughnut.)

Customer: *picking up a rewards card* “What are these?”

Me: “One stamp per purchase. Every five purchases, you get a free doughnut.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I’ll have a doughnut.”

Me: *stamps card*

(Customer walks away, comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “I’ll have another doughnut.”

Me: “Glad you liked the first one!” *stamps card*

(Customer wanders off again, comes back again… and again… and again…)

Me: “You know you’ve just spent $18 when you could have gotten the $14.95 pack?”

Customer: “Yeah, but this way, I get a free doughnut!”

Related:
Totally Free From Thought

Shaping Up To Be An Awful Night

| MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a fancy little restaurant dealing with snooty stuck-up rich people.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like the [Restaurant Name] salad, and I want the avocado slices on the left side of the salad.”

Me: “All right, we’ll put the order in and have your salads up in a few minutes.”

(Roughly 10 minutes go by. I grab the food from the kitchen.)

Me: “Here are your salads.”

Customer: “What the h***l is this! I SAID I WANTED THE AVOCADO ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SALAD!”

(I notice that I served him his salad with the avocado on the right.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, just let me rectify this.”

(I proceed to spin his salad around for him so now the avocado is on his left.)

Customer: “WELL, NOW ALL I HAVE IS A BACKWARDS SALAD! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET FIRED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT WAITER THERE IS THAT YOU CAN’T LISTEN TO SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS AND KNOW YOUR LEFT AND RIGHT!”

(I walk to my manager, quickly explain the issue, and he walks over to the customer.)

Customer: “Your employee here is an absolute disgrace! I can’t imagine why [Restaurant Owner] hired them. They don’t even know their left from right! I demand reconciliation and the cost of the rest of my meal be compensated for this vast incompetence.”

Manager: “Well, sir, I’d like to explain a simple fact. We are not going to be comping your meal; your argument and complaint is absolutely ridiculous. The salad is on a circular plate, there are no sides to a salad. It cannot be backwards. I apologize for your problem with shapes and hope you have a wonderful night.”

Me: “So, what would you like to order for entrees, or would you just like the bill?”