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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Sticking To Her Expectations

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a chain grocery store. I’d just gotten out of work and went to a gas station to put gas in my car. As I was sliding my card, I suddenly hear yelling from behind me. I turn around to see a little girl, four years old, tops, in a pink dress, bolting across the parking lot, her father hot in pursuit.)

Girl: “Hi! Are you from the store?”

Me: “Yep!”

Girl: *hands on hips* “Do you have something for me?”

(Our cashiers often give stickers to kids. She must be a regular customer with her parents.)

Me: “Sorry, hun, I left all my stickers at the [Company]’s store. Next time you come in, ask for [My Name] and I’ll give you a lot of stickers, okay?”

Girl: “Okay.” *she thinks about this, and then looks up at me* “Why are you not at the [Company]’s store? Don’t you live there?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I just needed to put some gas in this car. Is that okay with you?”

Girl: *nodding thoughtfully* “Yes, I guess you can do that if you want to.”

(Her dad finally caught up to her and picked her up and started apologizing profusely, but I just smiled and said she made my day. I told her that she had to listen to her dad from now on and she agreed.)

Wish You Could Chicken Out

USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have a chicken sandwich.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken!”

Me: “We have multiple kinds – the chicken breast, the chicken bacon ranch, the sriracha chicken melt, the chicken teriyaki, the buffalo chicken, and the cordon bleu. What kind?”

Customer: “The kind you always give me.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what your regular is.”

Customer: “Chicken Teriyaki.”

Me: “Thank you. Provolone, pepperjack, white American cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *looks for the nearest wall to bang his head into*

Should Have Explained More Plainly

, | Basildon, England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”