Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Kindness Is The Missing Seasoning

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “I want a burger with nothing on it.”

Me: “Nothing? No sauce at all?”

Customer: “No, nothing at all on the burger, but –” *counts the words out on her fingers* “ — the meat and the bun.” *kind of smug* “Got that?”

Me: “Okay, I’ll let the cook know.”

(I move over and let the cook know the woman only wants meat. It isn’t an odd order, actually a really easy one. It gets finished fast so I get it right out to the women. She sits down and proceeds to look inside her burger as I clean up, but suddenly she back at the counter.)

Customer: “What is all this black stuff on the meat?”

Me: *taking a moment to process* “Oh, isn’t that seasoning?”

Manager: *who has approached to look too* “Yes, that is the seasoning we put on meat when we cook it.”

Customer: *now getting angry* “I told her I wanted NOTHING on my burger!”

Manager: “We can make one without seasoning but—”

Customer: *cuts him off* “I want a new burger! And I want it done right with nothing on it!”

(I raise my brows and look at the cook as my manager tries to get in that without seasoning the meat will be flavorless, but she won’t listen. She even moves close to the door of the restaurant where she can see back by the grill and watch the cook. And when I hand her the burger she unwraps it in front of me and my manager, smirking to herself when she finds no seasoning, and rolling her eyes at us for not “getting it right” the first time.)

Manager: *to me* “If she comes back up here, she’s not getting a new one.”

(The manager goes over to tell the cook as well, before standing back from the counter with his arms crossed and waits. Sure enough the women comes back up to complain about her flavorless burger being *drum roll* FLAVORLESS!)

Customer: “Can you redo this? It doesn’t taste… like anything. Like, cook it with the seasonings?”

Cook: “It’s already cooked. It gets the flavor while cooked with the seasonings.”

Customer: “Can you sprinkle some of the flavoring on?”

(The cook does so, but now it clearly just tastes like flavorless meat with peppercorns and spices sitting on top of it.)

Customer: “I want a new burger! This is disgusting!”

Manager: *moves back up to the counter* “We made two burgers for you now and you’ve been rude to my associates. YOU messed up. You can leave if you don’t wanna pay for your next burger. I don’t care!”

(The customer looks at all of us.)

Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich to replace it instead?”

A Hot Slice Of Common Sense

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(My husband and I are regulars at a certain gas station that has an independent pizza chain inside. For the past month the gas station’s computers keep shutting down, effectively closing the gas station. However, the pizza place is still open. There are signs on the doors explaining the situation, bags on the pumps, two of the three entrances are locked, and the store area is barricaded. The lights are on, as employees are cleaning and waiting to help the computer staff. Two men around the same age as me (late 20s) come in.)

Customer #1: “How the f*** the store gonna be closed? I need my washer fluid!”

Customer #2: “I know, right? That’s f**** up! We should call the head people on their lazy a****!”

Me: “Did you see the signs, hon? Their computers are down for the second time this week. They can’t do anything without them.”

Customer #1: “Well, I need my stuff. This is f***** up! They should be open!”

Customer #2: “Why are they closed? Where the f*** are the signs?”

Me: “You mean like the ones on all three LOCKED doors? Or the bags on the pumps? Or maybe you missed the barricades to the main store area? They may even have signs on the pumps themselves.”

Customer #1: “What the f*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “Well, you could try the gas station not two miles from here.”

Customer #2: “Ain’t nobody got time for that s***! We came here to buy s***!”

Me: “Or, you could stop complaining and buy pizza like the rest of us since you wanted to buy s***!”

(They turned around, shut up, and bought pizza!)

Doesn’t Know What Dang Beef She Wants

| Australia | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work at a little Southeast Asian curry take-away place, and we have ten different curries, and three sizes. Among that we have rendang and Penang beef.)

Customer: “I’ll have the beef.”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: *says something like pedang, redang, renang, rendang, and pointing at the opposite one they wanted*

Me: “Okay, cool. Which size?”

Customer: “Meal size.”

Me: “…!!!”

Not Speaking Full English

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: *on the phone* “Do you serve hot breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, we serve a full Scottish breakfast.”

Guest: “So you don’t have any hot food? Like a full English?”

Me: “A full Scottish breakfast is basically the same as a full English, but you get haggis as well. And it’s a buffet so you can choose not to have that if you don’t want it.”

Guest: “So I can’t get eggs or sausages? You know, like in a full English.”

Me: “I assure you, our buffet has hot food. It is a full English, plus haggis.”

Guest: “But I can’t get eggs, ’cause it’s Scottish?”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s just continental, with muffins and stuff.”

Me: “The buffet has any number of breakfast items, but if you want something not available, you can ask the chef, and it won’t be a problem. Though I assure you, the buffet has hot, full English breakfast items. Such as eggs.”

Guest: “Okay, I’ll just ask the chef to make me a full English, then. Thank you.”

A Platter Of Misunderstandings

| Canada | Food & Drink, Money, Popular

(It is a very busy morning at our hotel as all of our conference rooms have been booked for meetings. The night before, my employee called me asking if it was still possible to place a catering order for one of the meetings. He said the gentlemen in charge is there to set up the room and realized he hadn’t requested it sooner. I had him put the customer on and I informed him that we could only arrange for a simple dessert platter or soup-and-sandwich menu at this short of notice, and he decided on a dessert platter and two large pitchers of coffee. The next morning I greet him as he comes in.)

Me: “Good morning! So, just to confirm, you wanted the dessert platter and coffee served at 9 am, is that correct?”

Customer #1: “Excellent! Thank you.”

(I go back to the front desk and people start arriving. Around 8:30 a gentlemen approaches the desk.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, I’m in [same meeting as the first customer] and I’m wondering if we could get the bill for the room in advance. I’m going to prepare a check and drop it off when we step out for lunch.”

Me: “Absolutely. I’ve got everything ready right here. I just need a moment to print it out.”

(I print it and hand it off and he thanks me. A moment later he returns.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, why are we being charged $24.95 for food and beverage services?”

Me: “Oh! That’s for the dessert platter and the coffee that you ordered from [Local Catering Company].”

Customer #2: “What dessert and coffee? I didn’t order anything from [Catering Company].”

Me: “The gentlemen in charge of the meeting ordered it last night.”

Customer #2: “I’M in charge of this meeting and I didn’t order anything! Who did you speak with?”

Me: “Umm… I spoke with [Customer #1], that gentlemen standing over there. He came in last night to do the set-up and we spoke over the phone. I also confirmed it with him this morning; I confirmed that he wanted it for 9 am.”

Customer #2: “I have no idea where you’re getting this from. We did not order anything. I am in charge of the finances and the decisions. How dare you allow someone to go over my head!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but he was the one who booked the room and he is the one with whom I’ve had all communications. I didn’t even know you existed before this morning so I had no way of knowing you were in charge.”

Customer #2: “Well, okay, that is understandable but I do need this taken off the bill, please.”

Me: “Well, the food has just been delivered and paid for maybe 10 minutes ago. It’s non-refundable so we would be taking a financial loss here. Are you certain you don’t want to take it? At a discounted price maybe?”

Customer #2: “I said, TAKE. IT. OFF.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m terribly sorry for the mix up.”

(I remove it from his bill and proceed to call the local soup kitchen to tell them we have a donation for them. They come by to pick it up and are very grateful. Around 9:45, the meeting let’s out for a break and about a dozen people flood into our breakfast room. I figure they are going to watch the television and since breakfast is over I don’t mind letting them mingle. Then I hear the familiar sound of our cupboard doors opening and closing and the coffee machine running. I go in to see all 12 people eating muffins and drinking coffee. A few even have yogurts from the fridge. I take a count and prepare a bill and when the group lets out for lunch I present it to Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “What is this? What am I paying $42 for food and beverages for?! I thought we discussed this already!”

Me: “This is a bill for the coffee, muffins, and yogurt your guests took from our breakfast room. Those items are only free to hotels guests and only during breakfast hours. It’s $1.50 per coffee for 12 coffees, $1.35 per muffin at 12 muffins, and $1.50 per yogurt for five yogurts.”

Customer #2: “I don’t understand. It was under $30 a couple hours ago…”

Me: “Yes, for the dessert platter and coffee provided by [Catering Company]. They charge a flat fee which we are not charging you for. Those muffins and coffees come from our personal supply. We charge per item whereas the catering company charges a flat rate.”

Customer #2: “Well, give me the catering platter and stuff, then!”

Me: “Even if I could you would just end up paying for both.”

Customer #2: “I should have kept my big mouth shut.”

(He pulled out his checkbook and cut a check for the food and I later heard him yelling at his guests to “not touch the bloody food!”)

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