Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Overcompensation Before They Ask For Compensation

, | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am working the front counter when I see a customer who is known as one of our “problem regulars” come in.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want that grilled onion cheeseburger, but I don’t want NO CHEESE ON THAT. Got it?”

(Last time he came in, he asked for the same thing and they accidentally put cheese on it, which he proceeded to throw on the counter right in front of me. Since this completes his order today and I have no more customers, I go and alert manager to his presence since he usually asks for one anyway. We both come back in time to see the customer standing on his tiptoes trying to see how they’re making his burger, which you cannot see from anywhere in our lobby.)

Customer: “They ain’t puttin enough onions on it. I want more onions.”

(My manager then asks the grill people for an entire sundae cup of grilled onions which he sets on the tray with the customers now-ready burger and hands it to him.)

Customer: “I didn’t want THAT many onions…”

Manager: *smiling widely* “Well, now you have just as many as you want. Have a good day, sir.”

The Caper Crusader

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am at a restaurant for dinner. A customer on the next table orders roast pork. The recipe used by the restaurant includes capers. I sit down a few moments before his food is served. He doesn’t even touch it but immediately speaks up.)

Guest: “Wait, there’s capers in there! I asked for a roast pork without capers!”

Waitress: “Oh, I’m very sorry. I guess the kitchen didn’t read to leave the capers out.”

Guest: “Well, I hate capers! I’m not going to eat that.”

Waitress: “Let me take it back. I’ll bring you a new one without capers.”

Me: “You’re going to throw it away, are you?”

Waitress: “Well, yes.”

Me: “You can give that to me then. I was going to order it anyway, and I don’t mind the capers.”

Guest: “What? You can’t have that!”

Me: “Why?”

Guest: “It was prepared for me! You can’t have my food!”

Me: “Huh? I thought you didn’t want it?”

Guest: “I don’t!”

Me: “Then they’re just gonna throw it away anyway. That would be a waste.”

Guest: “You can’t have MY food! It was made for ME, not YOU!”

(Something flicked his switch at this moment – he’s calling me things like parasite, saying that I just want him to pay for my meal. Note that they wouldn’t have charged him for the faulty order; I would have paid for it. Enter the restaurant owner.)

Owner: “What is going on here?”

(The waitress explains the situation to him, he looks at me, and I confirm. The other guest is still fuming and mumbling under his breath.)

Owner: “So you don’t want the roast with capers?”

Guest: “I don’t! I hate capers!”

Owner: “You don’t want it, but you also don’t want anyone else to have it?”

Guest: “No! It is my food and my money!”

Owner: “You gave it back, so it isn’t your food. I’m not going to throw perfectly good food away if someone else wants it. Also, I refuse to serve people who do not know how to behave.”

Guest: “What does that mean?!”

Owner: “It means we will not serve you today. Please leave. You don’t need to pay for your drink, just get out.”

(The guest left, muttering that he wouldn’t want to eat at this ‘crappy place’ anyway and he wouldn’t be back. The owner did not give me the other guest’s food, stating it was no longer hot enough and he didn’t want to serve me food that wasn’t hot. However, when I left, they gave it to me in a doggy bag.)

Where All The Complaints Stem From

| Temple, TX, USA | Food & Drink

(I go to check on a table of two older-looking ladies, the second of which is dressed very neatly and entered with a nurse and a walker. The well-dressed woman has ordered a spinach and strawberry salad.)

Me: “How is everything today?”

Woman #1: “Oh, fine, thank you.”

Woman #2: “Why don’t you cut these stems off?”

(I look at her plate, where she has systematically cut the stem of each piece of spinach in her salad.)

Me: “That’s just how the spinach comes, ma’am.”

Woman #2: “Well, I’ve had to cut all of them off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s how it comes. I’ve never had a problem eating it myself.”

Woman #2: “Well, I always cut off the stems when I buy fresh spinach at the store.”

(At this point I really don’t know what else to say. I apologize again, but leave the plate, as Woman #2 is nearly through the salad. When I clear the table, she’s left the pile of spinach stems on half the plate. I bring it up with the owner/cook later.)

Owner: “It’s triple-washed, organic baby spinach. You’re supposed to eat the whole thing!”

The Sauce Of All The Weirdness

, | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: *in drive-thru* “Can I get a [Sandwich #1]? But what comes on that?”

Me: “It comes with lettuce, cheese, special sauce, onions, pickles, meat, and bread.”

Customer: “Okay, yeah. Can I have that, but I don’t want a bun. Or cheese.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that.”

Customer: “I don’t want onions or lettuce either. And no pickles. And no meat. What does that leave?”

Me: “Sauce.”

Customer: “And no sauce either.”

Me: “So, you don’t want the [Sandwich #1]?”

Customer: “No, I want it. Hey, what’s on the [Sandwich #2]?”

Me: “It comes with—”

Customer: *drives off into the distance never to be seen or heard again*

(What the f*** just happened?)

Ebola, E-Coli, And Strep, Oh My

| Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(A customer orders a vegetarian pizza and he insists that we put quadruple cheese on it.)

Me: “Well, I would not recommend that, sir, since the dough won’t cook properly if we do.”

Customer: “I don’t care; it’s what I want!”

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I make the pizza the way he wants it and he takes it home. About a half hour later the guy calls back demanding to talk to the manager.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we close soon and the manager will not be in until tomorrow. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Your pizza made us all sick! We took one bite and now we all have salmonella! I want my money back!”

Me: “Umm… sir, salmonella is caused by meat or raw eggs… and you got a vegetarian pizza. Also it would probably take longer than the time you had to eat it to get sick.”

Customer: “Fine! We got… streptococcus!”

Me: “We gave you strep throat… with a pizza?” *I think he meant staphylococcus*

Customer: “No, no… it’s… I know what it is… it’s Ebola!”

Me: *at this point I am trying not to crack up* “So… you have a hemorrhagic fever? I would highly recommend you going to the doctor and not bother to call us, sir. But I think you mean E coli… and that comes from under-cooked meat or contaminated food… and it takes about two to three days to show symptoms… Now, if you are talking about the under-cooked dough, I warned you about that, but the worst you could get from that is maybe a little indigestion.”

Customer: “How do you know about all those diseases?!”

Me: “It was a slow night last night and I read one of our food prep guides, and it had a section on food poisoning and how to avoid it… Now, is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

(By this point I am putting on my sweet-as-pie voice.)

Customer: *long pause and then a sheepish voice* “No… thank you. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

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