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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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They’ve Been Spoon-Fed Their Whole Life

| IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(Our ice cream shop mixes all of its 36 flavors ourselves in the back of the store, some of which are unique to the very small franchise, so we offer small taster spoons of flavors to customers so they can decide on their flavor.)

Me: “What can I get for you today, sir?”

Customer: “Can I taste your chocolate peanut butter brownie?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I reach into the pint container of clean taster spoons on the inside of my service window and grab a spoon to serve the customer his taste. The customer puts the spoon in his mouth and eats the ice cream.)

Customer: “I’ll just have a small chocolate.”

(I went to scoop his ice cream. While I was doing that, he opened the CLOSED service window, reached inside and deposited his USED spoon in the pint container of CLEAN spoons we use to serve all the customers. There was a little trashcan right outside the window just for this purpose. I stopped what I was doing and just stared incredulously at the customer. After serving him I ended up throwing the entire pint container of spoons away – obviously.)

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The Sauce Of Your Confusion

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story while dining with my family.)

Waitress: “May I take your order?”

Me: “Yes! May I please have the grouper fish sandwich? But instead of tartar sauce, may I have broccoli?”

Waitress: *pauses* “I’m sorry, what was that last part?”

Me: “Can I substitute the tartar sauce for broccoli with my sandwich?”

Waitress: “You… uh… did you want the broccoli, like, on the sandwich?”

Me: “What? No. I just want broccoli instead of the tartar sauce.”

Waitress: *clearly confused* “Um… well…”

Sister: *laughing* “[My Name], are you confusing tartar sauce with coleslaw?”

Me: *turning a deep shade of red* “Oh, my God… What did I say?”

Waitress: “I thought I was the one going crazy!”

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Gin-uanally Confusing

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “I would like a martini, please.”

Me: “Sure, how would you like it?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “What kind of martini?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Gin or vodka?”

Customer: “Gin. Oh! And no vermouth.”

Me: “Okay, so, just chilled gin in a martini glass?”

Customer: “No, not chilled!”

Me: “You just want warm gin in a martini glass?”

Customer: “No! I just want it in a small glass.”

Me: “So… you’re asking me for a shot of gin?”

Customer: “Yes…”