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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Slushed

| Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’ve had a bad day and I’m stopping by this sweet shop for a pick-me-up. Shortly after I arrive, a lady arrives with five children, paying a lot more attention to her phone than them. As I’m waiting in queue, she chooses to push in.)

Me: “Err, excuse me?”

Lady: “Can’t you see I’ve got all these kids!?”

Child #1: “Mum, can we get a slushie, too?”

Child #2: “Yeah, slushie!”

Lady: *snaps* “No, you got your sweets. Now be quiet!” *returns to phone*

(When I get to the till, the lady hangs around on her phone while the children compare sweets. I decide to add something to my purchase.)

Me: “Could I have a large strawberry slushie, too?”

All Five Children: “Mum! Mum! She gets a slushie and sweets! Why can’t we? Mum! Mum! Mum!”

Lady: *look of terror at the children, and hate at me*

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Me No Speak Americano, Part 2

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am serving a customer some drinks.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Could I get a double espresso topped up with some water in a mug?”

Me: “So you’d like an Americano, then?”

Customer: “No. I clearly said an espresso in a mug with water.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is an Americano.”

Customer: “No, that isn’t. I want an espresso topped with water. I know my coffees.”

(I then make her drink. The kicker: an Americano is cheaper.)

Related:
Me No Speak Americano

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Maybe Her Brain Fell Out Too

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I work as a house manager for a big theatre during a concert. I am standing at one of the bars chatting with a friend when a woman comes up to the bar.)

Woman: “Hi! You remember I came in tonight with a hair tie and flower in my hair?”

(I’d never seen her before that moment, so I say nothing.)

Woman: “I seemed to have lost them both.”

Me: “Would you like for me to go search the seating area for you?”

Woman: “No, that’s okay. I don’t want you to interrupt everyone’s enjoyment of the concert.”

Me: “Well, if you’re sure, then I won’t.”

Woman: “I don’t know. What do you think? I mean I just bought it at the store for like $5.”

Me: “I can go look if you want. I mean it’s part of my job.”

(She waffled on about me going or not going into the seating area where the concert was still going on for like five minutes. At this point I realise she’s a bit drunk.)

Me: “Look, I’ll go in there and have a look around and I promise not to disturb anyone.”

Woman: “Okay, but I wasn’t in my seat the whole time. I was kinda over here.” *she points to an area above us which I know is flat and where she could dance*

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(I hear her calling me back, but I wasn’t going to stand around while she waffled again so I ignore her. I grab a small flashlight from an usher and proceed to look in the general area of where I thought she’d been and even beyond that area. I find nothing, so I go back out to let her know.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I was unable to find a hair tie or clip anywhere in there.”

Woman: “Wow. That’s really weird. I mean who would steal something like that?”

Me: *thinking she lost it before she arrived* “I really don’t know.”

Woman: “Okay, I guess I’ll go.”

Me: “Do you have a ride?”

Woman: “I’ll just take a taxi.”

Me: “Okay, then, just go out the front of the theatre and you’ll be able to find one quickly.”

Woman: “Thanks for your help!” *she gives me a hug* “And this is for you!” *she pushes a glass of champagne in my direction and wanders off*

(Once she was gone, the bartender informed me that the woman asked her if she thought I was really looking for her stuff or if I’d just gone in to enjoy the concert a bit and would lie about searching. She also assured me that the woman hadn’t touched the champagne nor had she paid for it.)

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A Beer A Day Keeps The Doctor Away To Gossip About You

| Rocklin, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m sitting next to my coworker, who is calling patients to discuss preparation instructions for the colonoscopies we do in the office — there are certain things the patients need to abstain from before their procedure. My coworker finishes a call, turns to me, and starts laughing.)

Coworker: “So, I told this guy that he needed to avoid alcohol five days prior to his procedure, and he says, ‘but I have a beer every morning — can I still have that?’ ”

Me: “A beer every MORNING? If that’s how he starts his day, how does he end it?!”

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Got The Meat-Balls To Stand Up To Him

, | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work at the front desk in a government office. While at my station at the front desk, a coworker is speaking with a young man, very near me in the lobby. I can easily overhear the conversation in which the young man is describing how he likes to go through the lines at sandwich restaurants and “just for fun” say the sandwich was bad, and make them re-do his sandwich. It was a fun game for him, and sometimes he even received the “bad” sandwich too, or would even get a free sandwich “for the trouble.” As I hear him say this, I think “What an a**hole!”, but say nothing. About a week later, I go to lunch at the local sandwich shop. I find myself in line behind this young man. I don’t recognize him at first, but who he is gradually dawns on me as I watch him. He is looking right at the sandwich maker as she is putting his meatball sub together and sure enough, when he gets to the register, he says it is wrong and wants another because it has too much sauce. At that point I know what is happening and decide to call him on his game.)

Me: “Why didn’t you tell her it was wrong while she was making it?”

Customer: “I wasn’t looking.”

Me: “Yes, you were. I was watching you. You were staring at her the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME.”

Customer: *getting flustered* “No, really, I wasn’t looking.”

Me: *getting adamant* “Yes, you were. I SAW YOU! You were staring at her, watching her make that sandwich the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME. THAT’S WHY THEY MAKE THE SANDWICHES IN FRONT OF US!!”

Customer: *flustered* “But it’s…”

Sandwich Maker: *she doesn’t know what I know about him* “Ma’am, it’s really okay.”

Me: *to her* “NO, IT’S NOT! If he didn’t like the way the sandwich was being made” *me turning to him* “HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU AT THE TIME!” *back to sandwich maker* “He was looking at you the whole time!”

Sandwich Maker: *stares at me with eyes wide and slack-jawed, not knowing what to say*

(I keep laying it on him and he remains flustered while the sandwich maker’s coworkers make him another which he accepts and pays for, and then makes a quick dash out the door. The line workers and the manager are all gathered around the register and a couple staff persons are peeking out the doors to the back area and all are looking at me in awe.)

Manager: “Here. Why don’t you take this?” *holding out the “bad” meatball sub*

Me: “No, but thank you. I’m vegetarian.”

Manager: “Take it. You could give it to someone…”

Me: “But I can’t eat it. Why don’t you have it?”

Manager: “No, really, we can’t eat it. If we keep it here, it will have to be thrown away.”

Me: *while the injustice of a cow losing his life only to be thrown away flashes through my mind, I reply* “Okay, I’ll take it back to work and see if anyone wants it.”

(So I left with two sandwiches, and as it turned out, my supervisor was a devout carnivore, and even though he’d had lunch already, was very fond the meatball subs from that shop and decided to take one for the team and have two lunches! He also remembered the young man, and agreed that he was an a**-hole. I can only hope that in the future, that young man will think twice about what might be a “fun game.”)

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