Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

When Coffee Really Is An Emergency

| Gillette, NJ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our café doesn’t charge on-duty police/fireman/EMS. I am a shift supervisor at the time working with two coworkers. I am currently in the back room doing restock.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], there is this woman who is asking for a free drink because she is an EMT, but she isn’t in uniform. I told her I had to ask you for permission.”

(Coworker #2 comes into the back with dishes in hand to make it look like he need to a reason to come into the back.)

Coworker #2: “This is the second time she has come in claiming to be on the first aid squad and an EMT and since I and [Coworker #1] are refusing to give her a free drink she wants to speak to you.”

(I walk out of the backroom.)

Me: “Hi, I am the shift supervisor.”

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like to get a free [really expensive espresso bar drink].”

Me: “Sure, can I see some credentials or proof you are on the first aid squad?”

Customer: “I just told you I am on it.”

Me: “Yes, I heard.”

Customer: “So, can I get my free drink?”

Me: “As soon as I can see some proof that you are on the first aid squad.”

Customer: “I just told you.”

(This repeats for about five minutes and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll make you this drink once on me but next time you come in, just show some proof you are on the first aid squad if you want a free coffee.”

(She leaves. Three days later, I am working with my manager and another coworker, Coworker #3. I have already informed my manager about said incident. In walks the same customer.)

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like a free drink.”

Coworker #3: “Let me get permission.”

(Coworker #3 turns to me. The customer does not seem to be happy that I am there.)

Me: “Hello again. Do you have proof this time?”

Customer: “I just told you that i am on first aid squad.”

Me: “Hold on one second.”

(I get my manager to come to the front.)

Manager: “Hi. I am [Manager] and I am the manager here. [My Name] has informed me of what he has asked of you to bring proof that you say you are on the squad. We will ask you your name and ask [Coworker #4] if she recognizes your name, as she is also on the first aid squad, but today we will not be able to give you a free drink for we only give those to cops, firemen, and EMS.”

Me: “And only when they are on duty.”

(The customer leaves in a huff.)

Manager: *turns with a straight face* “You said doodie!”

Plainly Didn’t Order That

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m sitting at a table in a small café. The lady behind the counter puts two orders on the pickup counter and calls out what they are.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I didn’t really hear what you said. What are these orders?”

Worker: “This is a breakfast sandwich with hash browns and this is a plain bagel with butter.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s what those are?”

Worker: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “Well, it’s just that I didn’t order a plain bagel with butter.”

Worker: “Well, then it’s somebody else’s order.”

What’s Cold Is So Hot Right Now

, | Monroe, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a very well known fast food place and am almost always the order taker and cashier during night shifts. One of my regular customers always gets the same thing: large coffee, seven creams and seven sugars. One time she said she wanted to try the iced coffee we have and wanted her usual.)

Me: “So you have hot coffee and cold coffee in on order. Makes me think of Katy Perry.”

Customer: *laughs* “You’re right; I didn’t think of that.”

Me: *jokingly* “Next time you want to order this you should ask for a ‘Katy Perry Order.’”

Customer: “I might just do that!”

(A couple nights later:)

Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Restaurant]. Order when you’re ready!”

Customer: “Yeah. I’d like one Katy Perry order, please!”

(I smile at it to this day and she still comes through with that order.)

Putting Common Sense Back On The Menu

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(My brother and I rarely get to hang out outside of work due to our schedules, so when we do, we try to make it a treat. He works the line at our pizza place and I’m a counter girl. We order from another pizza joint, having had more than enough from ours.)

Counter Girl: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]. This is [Counter Girl]. What can I do for you today?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like to order a 12-inch meatball sub.”

Counter Girl: “I’m very sorry, but we don’t offer the 12-inch subs anymore. We have 8-inch and 15.”

Me: *to my brother* “They don’t have that anymore; do you want something else?” *to her* “No problem, I’ll just place the rest of the order while we figure that out.”

(I place the rest of the order while he figures out that he wants a different sub and I add that too. But meanwhile, while I’m still on the phone:)

Brother: “This is ridiculous; that was their best seller. Tell her that they need to update their website’s online menu. This is just bull-s***. I can’t believe I can’t get my sub.”

(I finish the order, relaying none of that at all.)

Brother: “You should’ve told her off. I just wanted my sandwich; she was probably too stupid to put it in properly. And update the d*** menu! If I would’ve know, we would’ve ordered somewhere else.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure that the 18-year-old girl I spoke to made the menu changes herself. The audacity. Don’t be the kind of customer that I hate.”

(We got our order promptly and my a** of a brother actually liked what he got better than the meatball sub!)

Order Number One

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I used to work at a cold cut sub shop, and the names of the sandwiches are pretty straightforward — but we usually, for whatever reason, get weird variations of said sandwich names, even if the staff says it correctly. This happened more than I’d like to admit.)

Me: *as cashier* “Hello! How are you? What can I get you today?”

Older Woman: *looks at menu* “Hmmm…I’d like the number one, the Pee Pee, please.”

Me: *eyebrows slowly raise, cheerful smile keeping me from laughing* “Ah, the number one, Pepe.” *pronounced PEH-PAY* “All righty, anything else?”

Older Woman: “Yes, the Pee Pee, that’ll be all. Mmmm. That just sounds so good…”