icon_fooddrink

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

icon_fooddrink

They’re Winging It

, | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m not ready yet!”

(We’re trained to greet the customer, ask for his or her name, then proceed through the order, so I wait for twenty seconds or so.)

Me: “Could I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Don’t rush me!”

(A minute later.)

Customer: “I’d like wings.”

Me: “All right, could I have your name for the order, please?”

Customer: “I’m not done yet!”

Me: “We ask for the name at the beginning of the order.”

Customer: “[Name].”

Me: “All right, [Name], do you want a combo or just the wings?”

Customer: “Just wings.”

Me: “Okay, how many would you like?”

Customer: “Ten.”

Me: “All right, [Name], and will those be boneless or regular wings?”

Customer: “I want the wings.”

Me: “Yes, boneless or regular?”

Customer: “Yeah, hot.”

Me: *louder* “Boneless or regular?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Regular wings are the… regular… wings, like drumsticks and flats. Boneless wings are… without bone.”

Customer: “Yeah, the regular wings. That’s what I said!”

icon_badbehavior

A Paper-Thin Reason To Be Angry

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am bartending and the only front-of-house staff member on a slow Friday lunch. A notoriously very picky customer comes in, and her mother joins her later. They both order a Greek salad, without telling me they mean to share it. I drop off the food when it is up in the kitchen, and when I check back on them this happens.)

Customer: “I can’t eat this; there is PAPER in this salad!”

Me: “Oh! Oh, wow, I’m so sorry about that, ma’am. Can I replace that for you?”

Customer: “No, no, just take it away. This is terrible.”

(Then I notice — her mother had scraped half the salad onto the bottom plate. At the restaurant I work at, specialty salads are served in a dish with a flat plate underneath, and we put a cocktail napkin on the flat plate to keep it from shifting. I immediately realize what has happened.)

Me: “Ma’am, I will replace this immediately but I can explain what happened…” *and do*

Mother: “Oooh… well, then, [Customer], we’ll just wait for another. I must’ve just—“

Customer: *in extremely condescending tone* “No, just take it away. I don’t want to discuss this any more.”

(I explain to my boss, the owner, what had happened and she tells me to take the salad off their bill so I do. Later when I drop the bill off…)

Me: “And I’ve taken that salad off your check, ladies. So sorry for the mix up. I hope everything else tasted all right.”

Customer: “UGH! That really wasn’t necessary!”

(I guess some people are never satisfied…)

icon_alcoholwinedrinks

Come To Blows Over Mojitos

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am on bar and our TV has CNN on, at multiple customers’ requests. I am making a mojito when this happens.)

Customer #1: “What is that cocktail called?”

Me: “A mojito, sir.”

Customer #1: “Oh, one of them there foreign girly drinks.”

Customer #2: “Excuse me?”

(Customer #2 is a woman, but had ordered hers with double the amount of rum I usually put in it.)

Customer #1: “You heard me! Foreign crap! And all these immigrants need to go the hell home! Stealing American jobs!”

(I am of Southeast Asian descent and all my regulars know where I was born, ie. not America.)

Me: “Well, sir, I guess I’ll be off home, then!”

Customer #1: “Well… no, not you…”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer #1: “Well, you’re smart! I like you!”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness. I’m so glad I can stay! With my husband! And my green card!”

Customer #2: *as I hand her her mojito* “Hey, give him a taste of this.”

(I pour some into a rocks glass and hand it to Customer #1. He takes a sip and his eyes BULGE.)

Customer #2: “[My Name], my girly drink tastes fabulous!” *she makes a show of putting some money in my tip jar* “And you, [Customer #1], let me know when you’re getting your plane ticket back to Ireland.”

(They were all regulars and all knew each other. Customer #2 knew Customer #1 was of proud Irish descent and showed off every St Patrick’s Day. Customer #1 was completely quiet the rest of the time he was there, and left a decent tip. I bought Customer #2 a shot when Customer #1 had left.)