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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Freshly Chipped

| Auckland, New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: *selecting a small bag of potato chips and waving it in my face belligerently* “Are these FRESH?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not sure what you mean. They’re as fresh as any other potato chips, I guess.”

Customer: “I bought a bag of chips here once and they were not fresh. Is this a fresh bag? How long ago were they made?”

Me: “Well, honestly, I’ve never thought about it before. I don’t know where they are made or how long it takes them to get here. But I can tell you that we restock the shelves a couple of times a day, and a truck comes once a week to deliver more of them. So, I guess those chips probably got put out on the shelves this morning.”

Customer: “So they were fresh this morning?”

Me: “They weren’t made this morning, if that’s what you mean by fresh.”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. YOU CAN’T SELL FOOD THAT ISN’T FRESH! I WANT SOME THAT WERE FRESH THIS MORNING!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think the only way you can do that is to buy a potato and slice it up yourself and fry it into chips at home. Any bag of chips we sell here is perfectly safe to eat but they’re a commercial product, they come from a factory somewhere and I don’t know exactly when or where the chips in this particular bag were made.”

Customer: *throwing down the bag, and taking a different bag of chips of the same brand* “FINE. I’LL HAVE THESE ONES INSTEAD.”

Giraffe’s Are The Sweetest Animal

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(My family owns a specialty chocolate shop that’s known for doing molded chocolate figures of animals and sports equipment. I’ve been working here since I was old enough to see over the counter. It’s been slow and I’m the only employee here.)

Customer: *walking in* “Hi. I was wondering if you have any more chocolate-covered giraffes?”

Me: “…Chocolate covered? No. We do have chocolate giraffes…”

Customer: “So you have chocolate-covered giraffes!”

Me: “Um, no. We have solid chocolate giraffes.”

Customer: “Yeah! So you have chocolate-covered giraffes!”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I’m not going to go to Lincoln Park Zoo and get you a giraffe and pour chocolate over it.”

Customer: “But you just said you have chocolate-covered giraffes.”

Me: “Chocolate giraffes! We do not carry chocolate-covered giraffes! I’m pretty sure that’s illegal…”

Customer: “But I don’t get why you don’t have chocolate-covered giraffes! You should have chocolate-covered giraffes…”

Me: “SIR! We don’t have any chocolate-covered giraffes! What we have are lots of very small, three-inch giraffe figures that are molded out of chocolate!”

Customer: “Oh! …How is that different from what I said?”

Cocktail Fail

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at the bar of a venue that holds specific functions.)

Customer: “Hi. Do you do cocktails?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not able to do cocktails tonight.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I just get an espresso martini then?”

Me: “…Um, no.”

Mayo-No-No

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working the register at a sandwich shop at a theme park. A customer walks in with her mother.)

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Do y’all have turkey sandwiches?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It comes with your choice of chips, salad, or fruit.”

Customer: “Salad. I am on a diet so I can’t have any fat. By the way is your bread on the turkey sandwich fat free?”

Me: “Yes, I believe so. I can go ask our chef if you would like.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I think you are right. Is your turkey fat free?”

Me: “Yes, our turkey is lean, cooked and sliced right here.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds good. Also are your tomatoes fat free?”

(At this point, the coworkers around me and this woman’s mother are stifling laughs.)

Me: “Yes… they are definitely fat free.”

Customer: *to her mother* “See, ma, I am doing this diet thing right.”

Me: “Might I mention that we have a mustard sauce on our sandwich that is not fat free, and includes mayo. Would you like me to get you one without it?”

Customer: “No. How can you eat a sandwich without mayo?”

One Pint Of Stubbornness

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I work in a small independent pub which is near to several large chain pubs. As a result, people are sometimes put off by the fact we have slightly higher drink prices. Guinness is among one of the most expensive drinks we sell.)

Me: “Hi, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Hi there. Can I have a pint of Guinness, please?”

(I go and pour half of his pint, before returning to charge him for it.)

Me: “That will be £3.90 please.”

Customer: “What?! That’s outrageous, you can get it for £3.40 across the road!”

Me: “I understand that. Unfortunately, as we are an independent pub, we cannot afford to match the prices of the larger chains, especially with the high buy in cost of Guinness.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you make it cheaper? It’s just absurd!”

Me: “No, I have absolutely nothing to do with the prices I’m afraid. We do have [large selection of other drinks] for a lot cheaper if you’d prefer.”

Customer: “No, I’ll have the Guinness, but that’s unacceptable! How can you charge that much?! I wouldn’t work somewhere that charges so much. It’s ridiculous!”

(I keep trying to explain to him why it is so expensive and offer him alternatives but with no success. He does however pay for his drink, and I place it in front of him.)

Customer: “It’s not that I can’t afford £3.90; I can!” *shows me the money in his wallet* “But it’s the principle! Just ridiculous. Where is your sink?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your sink! I refuse to drink something that costs so much; it’s going down the drain!”

Me: “Sir, you’ve already paid for it. There is really no need for that.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll chuck it down the toilet, then. I refuse to pay that much for a drink!”

(The customer then went to the bathroom and came back seconds later with an empty pint glass, ranting loudly about high prices and how we were all c***s for charging that much. I would understand if he’d refused to pay for the drink as some people do, but paying for it to chuck it down the toilet?)

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