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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Doesn’t Meet Their Egg-spectations

| Long Island, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A friend and I go boating one weekend with our wives and decide to stop at a diner for breakfast. My friend’s wife is looking over the menu and is having a hard time deciding what to get.)

Friend’s Wife: *to the waitress* “Can I make my own omelet? I mean, can I get one with whatever I want?”

Waitress: “Oh absolutely! Tell me what you want and we’ll make it up for you.”

Friend’s Wife: “Okay, great. I’ll have the Super, Premium, Deluxe omelet but take out the bacon, take out the sausage, take out the peppers, take out the onions, take out the mushrooms and take out the cheddar cheese. Put in some steak and American cheese.”

Waitress: *with an exasperated look* “So you want an omelet with steak and American cheese?”

Friend’s Wife: “Yes! Oh, and throw some ham in there, too.”

(A little bit later we get our food and my friend’s wife, immediately starts picking all the ham out and puts it to the side. She then just picks at the omelet but never eats any of it. The waitress stops by to check up on us.)

Waitress: “Is everything all right? Is there something wrong with the omelet?”

Friend’s Wife: “Oh, no. I just don’t like eggs.”

The Clean Bill Of The Health Club

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We make various frozen drinks made from primarily milk, ice, and fruit flavored syrup. We have real fruit available and some customers request we make them with that so they are healthier. Note: we are also located in a mall.)

Customer: “Can I get one of those frozen drinks?”

(I start making her drink and begin adding syrup.)

Customer: “Oh, no, can you make it like they do at the health club?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want it made with real fruit?”

Customer: “No, I just want it made like they do in the health club.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know how they make drinks. I didn’t even know we had a health club in the mall.”

Customer: “No, it’s not in the mall. It’s the health club! Can’t you just make it like they do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ve never been to your health club and really don’t know how they make their drinks.”

(She leaves, looking dejected.)

Customer: “I just wanted it like they make them in the health club.”

A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

| Ft. Collins, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m handing out boxed lunches at a construction site. A customer walks up.)

Customer: “How does this work?” *holds up a mayo packet*

Me: “Rip it open a little bit and squeeze it.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Tear the corner.”

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “Here, I’ll do it for you.”

(I tear off the corner and give it to him. The customer then bends over and holds the mayo packet in his hand the way you would a can of soda. It’s also upside down – so before I can say anything, he squeezes as hard as he can and sprays the mayo in his face.)

Customer: “HEY! This thing didn’t work!”

Me: “You held it upside down, sir.” *I hold out a napkin but he just glares*

Customer: “Your fault! Your mayo packet was broken!”

(I honestly wish he did that with a mustard packet…)

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A Big Mayo No No