Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Drink Up And Fall Down

| QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m picking up my boyfriend from the pub as he has had way too much to drink. I’m friends with the bartender working, and this night she has had to deal with a lot of drunk and unruly customers and is clearly over it. We’re chatting when we see a drunk man trip up the entry stairs, landing flat on his face. He gets back up and looks around to see if anyone saw.)

Bartender: *pointing at the man, deadpan* “No.”

(The man hung his head sadly, turned around, and actually left!)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness

| Dallas, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m delivering a pizza. An elderly woman answers the door. She opens the door part way, and it catches on one of her crutches. She struggles a little and manages to maneuver herself to get the door open. I see a cast on one ankle.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. I broke my ankle yesterday, and I’m still learning how to get around on these things.”

(She doesn’t appear to be in pain, or anything. Just obviously unfamiliar with the crutches.)

Me: “Aww, that’s too bad. Hopefully a pizza will help. That’ll be [price].”

(She starts fumbling with her purse while trying to balance on the crutches. Pretty quickly she is able to get to her cash. I give her the change. At this point, I can see her trying to figure out how she’s going to carry the pizza with her crutches.)

Me: “Would you like me to bring the pizza in for you?”

Customer: *immediate look of relief* “Could you just put it right here on the coffee table for me?”

Me: “No problem.”

Customer: “That’s very nice of you.”

(The table is just a few steps inside the house. I set the pizza down and turn to go.)

Customer: “Hold on a moment. Please, let me give you a tip.”

(She reaches into her change purse and pulls out a single quarter and hands it to me. I can tell that she doesn’t tip very often, and that she sincerely thinks that the tip she’s giving me is a pretty big deal.)

Me: “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

(I could tell that she meant well, so I smiled and accepted the token in the spirit that she intended.)

What The Fructose

| Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working front of house at a family Italian restaurant. A customer is ordering.)

Customer: *after placing order* “…also, I’m fructose intolerant so I’m allergic to onion, garlic, and tomatoes and I am gluten intolerant as well.”

(I tell this to the chef and he laughs.)

Chef: “Then what the f*** is she doing in an Italian restaurant!?”

(He then makes her a super basic salad that’s essentially lettuce with balsamic vinegar and some carrot.)

Not Always Right: The Magazine

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m checking out a woman’s groceries while her boyfriend flips through the magazines at the checkout, looking increasingly dissatisfied.)

Customer: “All of your magazines are messed up! You should offer me a discount.”

Me: “Messed up in what way? I’m not authorized as a cashier to offer discounts, but I’ll be happy to have a look and let my manager know when he’s back from his break.”

Customer: “See, right here where the outside edge is messed up, and all of them are like that!”

(I look and see that the outside edges are indeed a little rough looking, but not so much that the magazines are ruined for reading.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but again I’m not authorized to offer discounts. If you don’t mind waiting, I can push the call button to call my manager now, and perhaps he can offer a discount.”

Customer: “Well, it looks sloppy and unprofessional. You should fire whoever is responsible for this!”

Me: “It’s not a store employee that we can fire, sir. All of our magazines are stocked by an outside vendor. Again, I’m not authorized to offer discounts, but my manager should be available shortly if you’d like to take it up with him.”

Customer: “No, YOU should offer me a discount! The customer is always right, and YOU should be able to fix this without me having to wait for a manager! I used to work in a grocery store, and I know how things should work!”

Me: “If you used to work in a grocery store, sir, then you’ll know that customers treat the register magazine racks as a personal library, and aren’t always careful about how they return items to the rack. Once again, I am not authorized to give discounts, but I’ll be more than happy to call my manager over for you.”

Customer: “But I’m the customer, I’m right, and you can’t argue with me!”

(I once again offered to call my manager, and said nothing more while I finished his girlfriend’s transaction. He ended up purchasing the magazine, grumbling all the while that the condition of our racks was “unprofessional” and he shouldn’t have to wait for a manager.)

Not Quite The Creme Brûlée Of The Crop

| Australia | Food & Drink

(A customer at a table I’m not serving beckons me over as I walk past.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Is this a creme brûlée?”

Me: “Yes. Is that what you ordered? Is something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t what I thought a creme brûlée was. This is like… hard sugar with custard underneath… Am I supposed to pay for this?”

(She had already eaten three quarters of it at this point.)

Me: “I’ll go get our team leader to sort this out for you…”

(She then spent ages googling creme brûlée on her phone to try and prove that ‘hard sugar with custard underneath’ isn’t a creme brûlée.)

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