Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Cake Website Is A Lie

| Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work on the hands-on side of a small online sports gear store, packing and answering the phone. I overhear the following phone call on speaker.)

Coworker: “Hello, [Sports Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi. I haven’t actually looked at your website but I was wondering if you could help me; do you have any cake decorating supplies?”

Coworker: “Uh… no I’m afraid we don’t carry cake decorating gear. We mostly stock sports goods.”

Customer: *disappointed* “Oh… well, I don’t want that. Maybe I’ll check your website.” *click*

Coworker: *to me* “Cake decorating is a sport now?”

The Question Is Largely Irregular

, | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We run a mobile coffee van. When we go to the markets we have a sign with the prices and types of coffee that you can get. On the sign we have R $4.50, for regular size, and L $5.50 for large size.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between left-handed and right-handed coffee?”

Driving Out The Lies

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a manager; however, we’re short staffed so I’m helping with deliveries. After taking a delivery I get this call. I’m a girl.)

Customer: “I have a complaint about the service I received tonight. The delivery guy cussed me out and I had to chase him down the street to get my food. He also refused to give me my change. It was cold and over an hour late. I want my money back, my pizza remade, and a gift card.”

Me: “Oh, wow! I am so sorry. I’ll be glad to help, but first can I have your address and a description of the driver?”

(She gives her address, and says the driver was a tall guy. She ‘couldn’t see too well in the dark’ for a better description.)

Me: “Okay… Well, I’d be happy to help, but first would you like to change your story? I don’t quite believe it.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?!

Me: “First of all, a guy answered the door. I was your driver tonight and I certainly don’t recall any of this occurring. Can you explain once more why you need a gift card?”

Customer: “…oh, s**t.” *hangs up*

No Discount Requires A Recount

, | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(I am standing in line. There are two gentlemen in front of me who are together being helped by the cashier.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total is $36.74.”

(This total catches my attention, as this place has a high value-per-dollar. In spite of having a more-than-ample appetite myself, I can always fill up for under $6, so I am curious what two men are going to do with six people’s worth of food.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s too much. Is [Manager #1] here?”

Cashier: “Uh… I don’t know anyone by that name.”

Customer: “Really? [Manager #1] is a manager. He always gives us discounts. Can you just give us a discount?”

Cashier: “Uh… no, I really can’t.”

Customer: “Well, where’s [Manager #1]?”

Cashier: “I really don’t know. I can get a manager if you like.”

Customer: “Yeah, we want to know where [Manager #1] is.”

Cashier: “Hey, [Manager #2]!”

(Manager #2 is out of earshot, so a line cook has to relay the shout farther back in order for her to hear. She has clearly been too far away to know anything about the conversation that just transpired. Manager #2 arrives at the register.)

Manager #2: “Yes, [Cashier]?”

Cashier: “These—”

Customer: *interrupting* “Where’s [Manager #1]?”

Manager #2: “Oh, he doesn’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “Oh, really? What happened?”

Manager #2: “Yeah, apparently he kept giving out discounts to people who’d done nothing to earn them, so we had to fire him.”

(Another register opened to help me, so I didn’t hear the end of their discussion, but when I sat down with my order, they were two tables down with about $10 worth of food.)

Needs More Than A Nugget Of a Common Sense

, | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m working the counter at a popular chicken joint. We sell chicken nuggets in packs of 6, 8, or 12. A large family rushes up to my register.)

Mother: “Don’t you have anything bigger than a 12 pack?”

Me: “We have a party platter with 50 nuggets, but if you order now it will be at least a 30 minute wait as we have to cook them fresh and clear all current orders before we start yours.”

Mother: *looking horrified with my suggestion* “No! We don’t need THAT many. All right, fine. [Father], what do you think?”

Father: “Okay, we’ll take two 12-pack combos, with another 12-pack on the side for each. Two 8-pack combos with extra 8-packs for each of those.”

Boys: “Why can’t we have kids meals?! We want the toy!”

Father: “That’s not enough nuggets for you boys. We got you adult meals so you’d have enough food.”

Boys: “But there’s no TOY!”

Father: “Okay, okay. And two 6-pack kids combos. Oh, and can you value-size all of those?”

(If you haven’t already done the math, that’s a total of 92 nuggets, nearly double the amount on the party platter. A coworker and I attempt to explain that ordering the platter with some fries on the side would be more efficient and cheaper. They continue to insist they don’t need that many nuggets and begin to suggest that my coworker and I are calling them ‘fatties.’ We decide to go ahead with the order as they want it.)

Me: “Uhm… okay.”

(I take their drink orders, double check everything, and help them pay. It takes around 20 minutes to cook their order because of the sheer volume of nuggets. They are grumpy when we hand them their order, but walk away happily popping hot nuggets in their mouths. I still have a bad feeling about the transaction, so I keep an eye on the family as they eat. Thirty minutes later, they return to my counter with a bag full of nugget boxes.)

Mother: “That was WAY too many nuggets. Here. You take them back and give them to someone else.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but health codes won’t allow us to do that. We can only serve food over the counter, not receive it.”

Mother: “Are you kidding me? You’re just going to waste food like that?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can not take those back.”

Mother: “Well, what am I supposed to do with these?”

Me: “You could save them for later?”

Mother: “Don’t be stupid! We already ate a ton of your nuggets. Why would we go home and eat more?”

(I’m speechless at this point, so my coworker points out a nearby trash can for the woman.)

Mother: “I can’t BELIEVE you’re MAKING me waste this food!”