Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Cold Reality Of Drinking Alone

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I have had a long day at work and am stopping by a sake brewery on my way home to pick up some for the weekend.)

Me:” I’d like one… no, make that two large bottles of plum sake.”

Salesman: *while bagging my order* “How are you going to drink that?”

Me: *assuming he is asking how I can manage to drink three liters of sake on my own* “Hey! I have friends!”

Salesman: “I prefer to drink it warm, but some people like to drink it cold.”

(Turns out he was asking at what temperature I was going to serve it!)

Third Drink, Second Day, First-Class A**-Hole

| Westlock, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Popular

(A very popular and well-known coffee chain had finally opened up in town. I visited on its second day. Needless to say, the place is packed, and since all the employees are newly hired, they’re doing their darndest to keep up. The customer ahead of me decides his coffee isn’t to his liking for the third time, berates the clerk for a third time, and sends back his coffee a third time. While the clerk goes to remake his coffee yet again, he turns to me.)

Customer: “Is it me, or is this the worst [Coffee Chain] you’ve ever been to?”

Me: “Well, it is just their second day.”

Customer: “What, the clerk? Well, then, d***, they’ve got to start training them better.”

Me: “Not the clerk. This is the second day ever for the whole store.”

Customer: “Really? Wow, that would explain why I never saw it before today…”

(When the clerk came back with the coffee, the customer quickly apologized, paid, and hustled out the door.)

Makes You Want To Hit The Bottle

| Finland | Food & Drink, Popular

(I end up having this same conversation way too often with customers who order a bottle of wine, especially if they order it at the bar-counter.)

Me: “Hi, what will you be having?”

Customer: “A bottle of [Wine].”

Me: “All right, and how many glasses do you need for that?”

Customer: “No, I want a WHOLE bottle of [Wine].”

Me: “Yes, I get that, but how many glasses do you need.”

Customer: “Not by the glass, a bottle!”

Me: *a bit fed up* “Okay, so, do you intend to drink it straight from the bottle or maybe I should just pop in a couple of straws?”

(It then dawns upon the customer why we have been going in circles for a while.)

Customer: “Oh… Uh, [amount] of glasses.”

‘That One’ Time It Almost Worked

| TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(A customer and her young daughter are looking at the jewelry. I go over and ask if they’d like to see any pieces.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Yes, please. Could I see the white gold ring in the box closest to you, third row, on the left?”

Me: “No problem! You know, I love how you described it to me. Most adults just wave vaguely and say ‘that one.’”

Customer: “I want to see one, too.” *waves vaguely* “That one.”

Criminals Shouldn’t Like It Too Hot

, | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a very popular donut shop and work alone to close at 10 pm. It is 9:55 pm Sunday night and I have had a very crabby day. The floor is freshly mopped with wet floor sign out, half the lights are out, the back of the restaurant is dark, all the leftover donuts moved to a rolling rack. Obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that the store is getting ready to close.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: *looks around for a good 2 minutes* “Yeah, ugh, can I get some HOT glazed donuts?”

(I proceed to reach for the glazed donuts on the rack.)

Customer: “No! I said the hot ones!”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time and we will not have any more made until 6:00 am. If you like there is a microwave behind you to wa—”

Customer: “No, you stupid b****! Get your lazy a** back there and make me my donuts!”

(I flip the switch to turn the lights on in the kitchen behind me.)

Me: “You see all that equipment back there? The industrial sized mixers, donut cutters the size of the interior of a Buick, and conveyor belt oven and glazer that takes up half the kitchen? You really think I am going to go back there and turn all that on to make you two hot glazed donuts?!”

Customer: “Yeah, b****! You want me to come over that counter and MAKE you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; store is closed. I need you to leave so I can lock the doors.”

(What the customer didn’t know is during his threatening rant, the officer that came most nights for his night shift, usually earlier but was late that night, heard the whole exchange. Right before he crawled over the counter the officer grabbed him. Guy ended up having priors for assault and had a warrant for his arrest.)

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