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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

They’re Nutso Different

, | Charlevoix, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a fudge shop during tourist season. All the types of fudge are in a large display that takes up the entire length of the room, separating the workers from the customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *stares blankly at the display* “…What are those two there?” *points vaguely at two types of fudge*

Me: “This one on the left is walnut fudge, and the other on the right is cashew.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, what’s the difference between walnut and cashew fudge?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Um… one has walnuts… and the other has cashews?”

Customer: “Oh. Well I don’t like nuts. Can I get this one instead?” *points to a display peanut butter fudge*

H2-Slow, Part 11

| Highlands Ranch, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My younger, newer coworker approaches me for help with a customer asking question he doesn’t understand. The customer has a 5 gallon jug water exchange in a cart.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve got a question about this [Brand] water?”

Me: “Sure, what can I tell you about it?”

Customer: “Does this have an expiration date?”

Me: *stunned* “Um… it’s water.”

Customer: “So… does it?”

(I told him if the water is held to EPA and FDA standards it would be properly filtered for pathogenic organisms and protozoan. I’m still stunned that anyone would think water could expire.)

Related:
H2Slow, Part 10
H2Slow, Part 9
H2Slow, Part 8

A Big Mayo No No, Part 3

, | MA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(A customer with a thick accent approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Do you have margarine-aise?”

Me: “Margarine?”

Customer: “No, margarine-aise.”

Me: “Mayonnaise?”

Customer: “No, margarine-aise.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what is it you want?”

Customer: *now angry* “You no listen? Margarine-aise.”

Me: “Mayonnaise?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2
A Big Mayo No No

H2-Over And Over Again

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work as a busboy in a high end Italian restaurant. Part of my job is to get customers a pitcher and cups of water when they sit down. The hostess seats an elderly man and woman in my section so I bring them the pitcher and cups of ice water.)

Woman: “Can I get a cup of water without the ice?”

Me: “Sure thing. Coming right up.”

(I go to the kitchen and get a cup of cold water without ice.)

Woman: “Oh, no, I’m sorry but I didn’t want it cold. Can you get me a new one?”

(This time I bring back a cup of room temperature water.)

Woman: “I am sorry I should have been more specific. Can it be a cup of hot water but only half full?”

(As I am bringing her yet another new cup I notice other customers I should be waiting on who want their water. No other coworkers are available. I am eager to move onto someone else but the woman won’t leave me alone.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Is that how you like it?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, then I will—”

Woman: “Except now can you make it a full cup of hot water?”

(Seriously aggravated but not letting it show, I go and do as she wishes.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Woman: “Thank you and that will be all.”

(I go on to serve someone else. As I am pouring their drinks they can’t help but comment.)

Other Customer: “I saw that whole thing. I have never seen someone so picky about a simple cup of water before. At least you aren’t her waiter.”

(I couldn’t have agreed with that customer more because throughout the night I watched the woman constantly complain to her waitress about everything including her plate being too big.)

Ruined His Bucket List

| Burlington, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work for a big movie theater company and we are currently having a promotional offer that allows a customer to upgrade their large popcorn bag to a large popcorn bucket with the purchase of either one or two large fountain drinks. My manager likes to keep the buckets on display underneath the large popcorn bags, which sometimes confuses customers into thinking the buckets can be purchased separately, which they cannot. It has been a very busy day and the line for concession is stretching across the lobby. After calling over the next customer, a middle aged man approaches with his friend.)

Customer: “I’ll get a bucket of popcorn and a large bottle of water.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the bucket can only be purchased with one or two large fountain drinks.”

(The customer is visibly upset.)

Customer: “I just want a bucket of popcorn and a water. Why is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “If you’d really prefer the bucket, you have the option to purchase a large fountain drink and fill it up with water at the drink station. It would only be fifty cents more.”

Customer: “I don’t want a cup of water. I want a bottle of water!”

Me: “Sir, the bucket is a promotional offer and can’t be sold separately.”

Customer: “Fine. Get me the d*** fountain drink.”

(The customer looks over to his friend.)

Customer: “Why does this have to be so difficult?”

(I retrieve a bucket of popcorn and a large fountain drink.)

Me: “There you are, sir. That will be fourteen dollars.”

Customer: “Where’s my bottle of water?”

Me: “Would you like the bottle as well as the cup?”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(I get the bottle of water.)

Me: “That will be nineteen dollars.”

(He paid and took the bucket and the bottle, but left the fountain drink cup, saying he didn’t want it.)

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