Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Frozen In A Repetitive Cycle

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in the meat department, and we regularly cut prepackaged meats for customers. An elderly lady walks up and sets something on the counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need these cut in half!”

(She then gestures at what she set on the counter: frozen Cornish game hens.)

Me: “I can thaw those out and cut them in half for you, but it will take a bit of time.”

Customer: “No! I want them cut in half while they’re frozen! I don’t want them thawed!”

(Normally I could do such a thing, and have cut frozen chickens and turkeys in half with a bandsaw. The Cornish game hens, however, are far too small to safely cut with the bandsaw.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the game hens are too small—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut them in half!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. They’re frozen—”

Customer: “So use that big saw! I know you cut frozen meat here!” *gestures at the bandsaw*

Me: “Yes, frozen things that are big enough to safely cut. These hens are too s—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut the chickens in half!”

Me: “The hens are too small—”

Customer: “Just cut them!”

Me: “I am not cutting my fingers off over a game hen! They’re too small to put on the bandsaw! I can either thaw them and cut them, or you’ll have to take them home whole.”

(The customer took them whole, still grumbling that I was being “negative” and should just cut the hens despite the very serious risk of also cutting my fingers off. A few days later I was told by a manager that she attempted to complain that I wouldn’t help her and had a bad attitude – but he sided with me not cutting my fingers off!)

Taking A Cheap Shot

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am tending bar for company with 600 in attendance, so I can’t serve in glasses as we can’t wash them that fast. A customer asks for a shot of whiskey, which I very generously free pour, for which this private club is/was famous. Of course in a 10 oz plastic cup it does look anemic.)

Customer: *in a loud booming voice* “When I order a f****** shot of booze, I expect a f****** shot of booze.”

(So, I turn and pick up a shot glass and pour it full from his plastic cup. I then dump about the same amount out of same cup into the sink. Finally, I pour the shot glass back into the cup and inform him:)

Me: “There you go, sir. You now have your f****** shot of whiskey.”

(He did not complain the rest of the evening.)

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Tipped To Be The Worst Customer Of The Day

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(I’ve only be on the floor for half-an-hour when a woman enters the line from the wrong way.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you today?”

Woman: “How much is a small coffee?”

Me: “It’s 1.94.”

Woman: “Anything cheaper?”

Me: “We can do 1.84?”

Woman: *throws a handful of change onto the counter* “You don’t mind if I borrow from here?” *she starts pulling money out of our tip jar*

Me: “Sorry, you can’t do that; I can’t allow you to, since it’s for all of the girls here!”

Woman: “It’s just fifty cents!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I really can’t!” *this is considered stealing from the company; we normally don’t argue over five cents but more then ten and I tend to say no*

Woman: *as I lean to grab something* “You’re a real b****.”

Me: *ignoring her, despite being very hurt and insulted* “Would you still like the coffee?”

Woman: “Fine.” *pulls out a twenty dollar bill, still muttering*

Me: *fills her a short coffee cup*

(She proceeds to grab this cup and storm off, only to come back while I’m in the middle of my next transaction.)

Woman: “I need more coffee!” *it’s obvious she’s taken a few huge gulps, but I ignore it and fill it back up. She leaves again only to interrupt my next transaction* “I need honey!”

Me: “You’ll just find it on the back bar there!”

Woman: “There isn’t any!”

Me: *as I can see if from across the room* “Ma’am, it’s just in the metal cylinder on the side there!” *she finally properly leaves, the next woman just looks at me*

Woman #2: “Are you okay?”

Me: *smiling* “I’m all right, thank you.”

(The whole fiasco wouldn’t have been a big deal if she hadn’t pulled out a 20-dollar-bill after asking for money!)

A Cent-less Amount Of Swearing

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(A customer is complaining over the speaker about the price of our ice cream.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re changing an extra twenty cents when all I want is extra chocolate! How dare you take my money for yourself. I will get you FIRED. Do you hear me? I’ll kill you if you take my money! I demand to speak to your manager, you dumb***. You f****** b****! You shouldn’t charge more for extra toppings because your prices are—”

Me: *having enough of the verbal abuse* “Your total is $3.18. Pull around to the first window.”

(When the car gets to my window, I realize the woman was yelling from the passenger side. The driver looks resigned.)

Customer: “I will give you advice. Do NOT get an attitude like that with me. I am the customer and NOT someone you want to make angry. It is not kosher to make me mad, trust me.”

Me: “$3.18, please.”

Customer: “Did you hear me, b****?!”

Me: “I did hear you. I heard you cuss me out for several minutes over twenty cents and threaten to kill me, and not only did I hear you, but my manager did as well. Now, you have two options. You can pay and get your food and leave, or you can swear at me some more, I will cancel your order, shut the window, and walk away. Now, will you be paying cash or credit?”

(The driver suddenly bursts into laughter. The passenger turns several different shades of red.)

Customer: “Listen here, you f***ing—”

Me: “You order has been canceled.” *shuts and locks window*

Manager: *over the headset* “I hope she complains. The cop in the lobby heard everything and would like to have a few words with her about death threats.”

(The customer did try to complain, but the driver sped away once the cop stepped outside. They never came back.)

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Talking Turkey About Your Earnings

, | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer comes up to the deli counter, dressed in relatively nice clothing, and asks me for a recommendation on turkey. I have sampled most of the turkey in the case and can typically give honest recommendations.)

Me: “Well, I personally like [Brand] turkey — it’s got a pretty standard flavor, but it’s good, and [Brand] has a lot of options if you like spicier turkeys.

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s $11.00 per pound…”

Me: “True. If you’re looking for cheaper turkeys, [Store Brand] turkeyisn’t visible in the case right now, but we do have it, and there’s also—”

Customer: “I mean, I make incredible money, but I can’t justify spending $11 on a pound of turkey.”

(He looks around for a moment like he’s going to say something else, but doesn’t and storms off.)

Me: *turns to coworker* “What an odd thing to say.”

Coworker: “Yeah, that was weird.”

Me: “Well, I DON’T make ‘incredible money,’ but I’m gonna buy myself some of that turkey and live my best life.”

(My coworker laughed, and I sliced some and bought it before I went home that day. The resulting sandwich was, of course, very tasty.)

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