Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!


A Bad Reaction To The Question

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(One of the most common substitutions I do is swapping out dairy for soy milk. Most of the time it’s just a taste preference, but it can also be because of allergy. The customer here is about ten or eleven, with a number of other kids around.)

Girl: “…and can I have my milkshake with soy milk? I’m very allergic to dairy.”

Me: “Sure, that’s not a problem. We even have a separate blender, okay?”

Girl: “Oh, good, thanks!”

(A minute later, as I’m handing off her drink:)

Girl: “Wait, can I get whipped cream on mine?”

Me: “Sorry, I— You said you have a dairy allergy? The whipped cream is made from milk.”

Girl: “No, it’s not! It’s whipped CREAM, not milk!”

Me: *thinking quickly* “Is your mom or dad here with you?”

Girl: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “If they say it’s okay, I’ll put whipped cream on your milkshake.”

(A few minutes later, with her mother:)

Girl’s Mom: “Why would you embarrass her in front of her friends like that? That was cruel of you to do!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I didn’t want to give her anything that might make her sick.”

Girl’s Mom: “Well, she swells up and stops breathing, but she’s got an Epi-Pen for that. I just can’t believe you would humiliate my daughter. It’s hard enough for her to have allergies. You need to be more sensitive!”

(This went on for about five minutes. The girl’s friends didn’t notice a thing until her mother started carrying on. Best part? I’m also allergic to dairy, and generally consider airways closing up a lot more embarrassing than checking with my mom!)


The Tip Of The Stupidity Ice-Berg

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer has just ordered an iced coffee and sat down. Once the barista finishes making the drink, I bring it over to the customer.)

Me: “Here’s your iced coffee, sir.”

Customer: “What? Oh no. No, no, this isn’t what I wanted. No, this won’t do at all!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, is this not what you ordered?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered an iced coffee.”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “There’s ice cubes in it.”

Me: “Yes, sir…?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t realise there would be ice in it.”


Pun-gent Peanut Butter

DC, USA | Food & Drink, Puns

(I work in a grocery store and we offer freshly ground peanut butter. It sells very well so I usually end up making it every day. A customer stops to watch.)

Customer: “Literally the daily grind, huh?”

Me: “Yup! I make it every day!”

(An elderly customer behind me overhears us.)

Customer #2: “Well, that’s just nuts!”

(We all laughed and it completely made my day.)


No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk

| Fort Pierce, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m standing in line to get a few essentials at a chain drug store that I frequently shop at. On this day, there is a new cashier. This exchange happens with the customer in front of me.)

Customer: “I’m returning this! Your f****** store sold me bad milk! I want my money back, NOW!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry about that ma’am… Um, can you hold for just a second so I can get my manager? I’m still new and don’t—”

Customer: “I don’t give a s*** and I am NOT waiting any longer! Give me my money NOW!”

(By this time the manager has come up, no doubt drawn by this woman’s shrieking.)

Manager: “What seems to be the—”

Customer: “Your d*** idiot cashier won’t do my refund! You gave me bad milk and I want my money back!”

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. She’s new and doesn’t know how to do a refund yet. But if you show me your receipt, I’d be happy to help.”

Customer: “I don’t have my f****** receipt! You sold me bad milk!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I need to be able to look up the purchase. Do you have a loyalty card you used? Or if you used a credit card I can look it up—”

Customer: “H***, no, I don’t have your d*** card! I paid cash, so give me my cash!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but that isn’t—”

Customer: “You’re all just trying to f****** rip me off! You sold me bad milk; my kids could have gotten sick! I never get good service!”

(She continues to scream at them both while demanding her refund. I’ve finally had enough.)

Me: “Hey! IDIOT! If you would shut the f*** up for two seconds, you would probably have been able to get a store credit at the least, but you stood here and shouted at these two girls for doing their job!”

Customer: “Shut up, you stupid b****! It’s not your concern!”

Me: “It is when you are holding me up! You’re being unreasonably rude. And before you claim they sold you ‘bad milk’ read your d*** expiration date!”

(The milk’s label said the sell by date was in fact today.)

Me: “Yeah, so, no, they didn’t. You bought milk and it went bad. Stop abusing them and get the h*** out of here, or I will dump that ENTIRE gallon on your head!”

(The customer stammers and huffs before bolting out of there, leaving the spoiled milk.)

Manager: “[Cashier], let me introduce you to [My Name]; she’s a regular here.”

Me: “You did fine, sweetie. Can I get two packages of [Nicotine Lozenges] and this pizza, please?”

(I work retail, too, and I can’t defend myself at my store. But I do love telling people off other places.)


All Wrapped Up In Karma

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m a customer in this story. I walk into the restaurant, a semi-fast food Middle Eastern place. There’s another man, shorter and maybe in his mid-50s, ordering. The single employee is making him a salad. Also note that it’s two-for-five-dollar falafel wrap day.)

Man: “Y’know what? I’ve decided that I’ll have a falafel wrap instead.”

(The employee is already halfway through making him a salad.)

Employee: *reluctantly scraps salad and starts making a wrap*

Man: “I want chickpeas on it, and — wait, where are those chickpeas grown?”

Employee: “Well, we’re sourced by other companies. I’m not entirely sure where the individual ingredients come from.”

Man: “Hmm, okay. What about that lettuce? There’s a bit of discoloration in that! How do I know that’s safe? I won’t pay full price for lettuce of that quality!”

(This all goes on for about fifteen minutes, asking detailed and accusing questions about each and every ingredient. After he finally finishes…)

Man: “And I also want red onions.”

Employee: “Um, sir, we don’t sell red onions.”

Man: “Sure you do! I saw them at your other location just last week!”

Employee: “Are you sure they were real?” *gestures towards the decorative basket of plastic veggies on the counter*

Man: “Yes, I’m sure! I saw them at your other location just last week! Give me my onions!”

(This goes back and forth a few more times. Finally, the man gives in.)

Employee: “And your total is $5.65.”

Man: “What?! That is way too much! Your sign says right up there that falafel wraps are half price on Tuesdays!”

Employee: “No, what that means is that you can get two for the price of one today. You could get another for free though.”

Man: “It’s all the same anyway! You get the ingredients dirt cheap. So just—”

(And then, instant karma strikes! The man quickly looked over to the other side of the street where his car was getting a ticket. Of course this guy wouldn’t even pay for parking!)

Man: “S***!

(He runs across the busy road to try to stop the ticket, almost getting hit by a car in the process, but ultimately failing to reach the officer in time. While he’s out there complaining to the officer, the employee and I both just start to laugh at this guy.)

Employee: “You know what? The thing is that normally people are in here for two or three minutes, so even if they don’t pay for parking, they don’t usually get caught. If they’re about to, I’ll warn them. But not this guy. That officer was there for a good thirty seconds before he noticed her.”

(The ending to all of this? The man didn’t even come back to get his wrap! So instead of an extra $2.50, he had to cough up anywhere between $30 and $300!)

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