Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Sauce Of The Fire

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I live and work in a fairly deprived area, which comes with all the usual associated problems.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell cream sauces?”

Me: “Did you mean savoury, or ice cream?”

Customer: “What’s ‘sav… saver… savernee’?”

Me: “Um, like dinner instead of pudding?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s that. I need it for chicken.” *waves a box of imitation [popular American southern-fried chicken] pieces at me*

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a bottle of ketchup or mayonnaise for those?”

Customer: “No! I need to make a cream sauce for the chicken for my girlfriend. It’s our anniversary and she said she’d dump me if I took her to [Popular Fast Food Chain] again!”

Me: “Well, there’s nicer places to eat out. If you really want to make something, though, you’d be better off buying whole unprocessed chicken chunks. Not many things apart from other southern US flavours would really go well with what you have picked out.”

Customer: “So how do these packet sauces work?”

Me: “Well, you can cook them with milk. Some people like to add a little cream once it is thickened, but there is really no need as the packets all have thickening agents in them.”

Customer: “But which one do I buy?”

Me: “We’ve got bread sauce, bèchamel, cheese sauce, creamy peppercorn, or parsley sauce.”

Customer: “I don’t like parsley.”

Me: “One of these plainer ones, then? Cheese might be nice if you wrap the chicken in bacon.”

Customer: “Maybe. What’s peppercorns?”

Me: “Um, they’re a type of dried fruit. People like to grind them.”

Customer: “But what IS it?”

Me: “You ever put salt AND pepper on chips?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “The not-salt half of salt and pepper.”

(We continued the conversation. The customer eventually made his selections and left. I was sure it was just coincidence when I saw a fire engine go past two hours later; turned out it wasn’t! His girlfriend came in the next day to say he’d tried to use orange juice for the cheese sauce mix as he had run out of milk, and then put the chicken breasts directly onto the oven shelf. Amazingly she is still with him but says she will be more than happy to go to Fast Food Chain next time!)

High… On Tipping

| Pflugerville, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am delivering pizza and see that the next house is in my neighborhood. Walking up to the front door, I can smell weed. I ring the doorbell. Customer #1 opens the door and I can clearly see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

Customer #1: “Hey, it’s the pizza guy!”

Me: “Hi, your total is $16.59.”

Customer #1: *talking to his friend* “Hey! I thought you paid for this over credit card?”

Me: “Uhm…” *pointing at receipt* “It says it’s a cash order.”

(At this point everyone was running around trying to figure out what to do, so I just hand them the pizza. Then Customer #2 walks out.)

Customer #2: “So, we think we’ll pay with credit card.”

Me: “All right, just call back at [Pizza Store], and they should fix your order.”

(Customer #1 rushes towards me, panting and out of breath.)

Customer #1: “Okay, so I think we’re paying cash.”

Me: *confused* “Uh… Someone just said that they’re paying with credit card?”

Customer #1: “That’s weird. Well, I’m paying with cash.” *puts a wad of money in my hands*

(At this point, I’m really confused on what’s happening. As I’m walking back to my car, Customer #2 runs out and hands me a $10 bill. I made $25 in tips and they eventually called the store to pay in credit. Best. Night. Ever.)

Don’t Drink And Drive Or You’ll Spill Jesus’ Blood

| Denver, CO, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Religion, Transportation

(As I am driving along in my squad car I see someone driving while drinking a water bottle full of a dark red liquid. I pull up next to them at a red light.)

Me: “Is that wine?”

Driver: “….d***, Jesus did it again.”

(I arrested her, needless to say.)

That’s How The Cannoli Crumbles

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

Me: *as I’m finishing taking a customer’s order* “Anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. Do you think you could get the driver to stop somewhere? Buy me a couple cannolis?”

Me: “Well, normally we don’t allow our drivers to make other stops while they are out on delivery, but seeing as we aren’t that busy right now, we can make an exception for you as long as you reimburse the driver for the cost of the cannolis.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? Why would I have to pay the driver some of my hard earned money?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to allow our driver to stop off and buy your cannolis if you’re not going to reimburse the driver for the cost.”

Customer: *now screaming* “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME! I JUST WANT MY GOD-D*** CANNOLIS!”

Me: *calm* “I understand that but we do not sell cannolis here nor do we usually allow our drivers to make other stops while they are out on delivery.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE A DELIVERY SERVICE! YOU SHOULD DELIVER ME WHAT I WANT!”

Me: “Yes, we are a delivery service, but we do not sell cannolis at our store.”

Customer: “YOU KNOW WHAT? F*** YOU, AND F*** YOUR STORE! CANCEL MY ORDER! I’M NEVER ORDERING FROM YOU GUYS AGAIN!” *click*

Food For Tots

| Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work at a fast food restaurant that offers fries and tater tots; you choose one for your meal.)

Customer: “I need a number four, with [Drink].”

Me: “Okay, did you want fries or tots with that?”

Customer: “Chili cheese tots.”

Me: “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “No.”

(We prepare the food, I take it out, and a few minutes later they are back to complain.)

Customer: “I didn’t get my fries!”

Me: “You didn’t order fries. I had you down for chili cheese tots.”

Customer: “I know, but there’s a picture of fries on the menu! It comes with fries!”

Me: “It says at the top ‘your choice of tots or fries,’ and you chose tots. I can ring you out for an extra order of fries, if you like.”

Customer: “NO! It’s your fault; you need to fix it! There’s a picture of fries. That means I get fries AND tots.”

(After several minutes of arguing back and forth, and my manager coming out to explain that you can’t get two sides, he sped off in the middle of a sentence.)

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