Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Giving You A Tip Right Back

| Novi, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink

(It is shortly after nine on a Monday night. I have not had a single table since seven so the cook, who is the owner’s son and my age, and I decide to close up shop early. On a regular Monday we close at ten so we are only closing 45 minutes early. Then all of a sudden the phone rings while I am closing up the cash register. Seeing as we are the only two in the restaurant I answer on speaker phone so I can still use my hands to count the drawer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *irate* “Yeah why the f*** are your doors closed?”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. The owners have chosen to close a bit early tonight. So sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *growing more irate by the word* “Well, you know WHAT?! I can’t believe this s***! I am a regular customer who spends a good amount of money here and am here multiple times a week.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir. I would love to have something made for you, but all the grills are shut off and it would take quite a while for them to heat back up. I don’t make the rules; I abide by them.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well some of us don’t have a f****** wife or girlfriend at home to cook dinner for us and we work late! I was just in there the other day and I left the waitress a very good tip, and I didn’t have to do that!”

(Mind you I was the SERVER he referenced, and indeed he is a regular customer. Where he went wrong was the comment about the great tip he left, and the onslaught of curse words.)

Me: *firmly but politely* “Well, sir, again I am very sorry for the inconvenience regarding this evening. But may I add that I was the server that you tipped the other night and while yes, I appreciate your tip, 10 percent is hardly a ‘very good tip.’ Oh, and another thing, with a piss-poor mouth like that no wonder you can’t find a lady to want to stay home and cook for you when you get home. Now I have to go. You’ve wasted a sufficient amount of my time.” *click*

(He came in later that week and apologized to me.)

I Have A Hangry

, | Germany | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a waiter in a small bar on campus of the local university. Accordingly, most of our customers are students. I am taking an order from a customer.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a baked potato. I’d also like a dipping sauce along with that but it has to be vegan!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know for sure which of our dipping sauces are vegan. I’ll just ask in the kitchen real quick if you don’t mind.”

Customer: “No, you will stay right here! I’m hungry. I want to order NOW!”

Me: “Of course, but like I said: unfortunately, I don’t know which of our dipping sauces are vegan.” *I hesitate for a moment and add* “I’m pretty sure our ketchup is vegan, though.”

Customer: “Ugh, no thank you! What dips do you offer, then?”

Me: “We usually serve sour cream with our baked potato. We also offer Asian, mango, chili, and curry dipping sauce as well as mayonnaise and ketchup.”

Customer: “Well, what about your mango dipping sauce? Is it vegan?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I do not know that for sure. I would reckon it is. However, if I could just check with our cooking staff I could offer you a more helpful response. It won’t take a minute!”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to wait! Just give me sour cream.”

Me: “Are you sure about that? Sour cream is certainly not vegan.”


Me: “All righty, then!”

(When I served her the baked potato (with non-vegan sour cream) she apologized to me for being a nuisance. She explained that she tends to get pretty cranky when she’s hungry.)

Just Popped Their Corn Bubble

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

(I’m working concession when I hear the following exchange between two customers standing about 10 feet in front of me looking at the menu-display we have above stand.)

Customer #1: “I think I’m gonna go for the medium popcorn.”

Customer #2: “Don’t do that! That’s just silly! Don’t you know movie-theater popcorn isn’t freshly made! It’s made days and days ahead of time and then shipped in from out-of-town, in big plastic garbage bags! You could be eating week-old popcorn if you get it at the movies!”

(I smirk and chuckle to myself, because we make fresh popcorn all day, every day with fresh and fairly expensive ingredients and most certainly don’t import week-old popcorn in garbage-bags. Our poppers are even visible in the back of concession if guests look hard enough.)

Customer #1: “That’s not true, is it?”

Customer #2: “It is! It’s part of their scam! This guy here knows it, and he doesn‘t care because he gets a cut of the big money they make from selling old food to innocent customers. It‘s highway robbery at it‘s finest.”

(I chuckle again considering I definitely haven’t gotten a cut of this non-existent “scam money” and am living check to check on minimum wage. I decide to have a little fun with the customers. I radio my manager, speaking just loud enough so that the customers can hear me.)

Me: *into radio* “Hey, I just wanted to double-check… Do you think I should make an extra batch of popcorn this morning just in case the next showtime sells out? I wanna make sure we have enough fresh popcorn ready.”

(Customer #2 hears and looks at Customer #1 with a scowl.)

Manager: *over radio* “If you think you should, go ahead. Nothing wrong with making another fresh batch just in case.”

(I turn and go into the back of concession while the two customers watch and put in fresh kernels and oil into the popper and start it, before turning it on.)

Customer #2: *quietly to her friend* “You see what he just did. It’s just special effects! We’re at the movies, after all. They pretend to make fresh popcorn, but all they sell is the cheap, old stuff!”

Customer #1: “Really? That’s just disgraceful. I’m going to call their corporate office and complain about this. It’s not right to scam their loyal customers like this!”

(They stormed off. I guess some people just HAVE to believe that they’re getting ripped off, even when they aren’t.)

Olive To Regret That

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(I am working with my sister, and she is taking an order over the phone.)

Sister: “And will you be paying with cash, credit, or debit?”

(She pauses as the customer answers.)

Sister: “And just to make sure, that was black olives, not green, right?”

(She finishes taking the order.)

Sister: “I asked her if she wanted black olives instead of green to make sure I got the order right, but she just shouted “CASH!!” at me. I hope she likes black olives.”

The Strife Of A Housewife

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I’m a customer shopping for fridges. I find one I like and go to find an employee to purchase the fridge. The only employee who handles fridges is talking to another customer.)

Customer: “So, this fridge… keeps things… cold?” *he asks very skeptical*

Employee: “Yes, sir, the general point of all fridges are to keep things cold.”

Customer: “No. My wife and I used to have a fridge that cooks things.”

(Not only is the employee just stunned by this statement, but everyone around who hears this pulls a face.)

Employee: “A fridge… that cooks things?”

Customer: “Yes, you put stuff like vegetables, milk, and chicken in it. And when you take the chicken or vegetables out they’re all cooked.”

Employee: “So they’re all cooked and ready to eat right now?”

Customer: “No! What do you think I’m dumb or something?”

Employee: “No, I’m just trying to find the particular item you’re looking for… So, you put in raw chicken and veggies and it cooks them automatically?”

Customer: “Yes. Put them in raw, and then they come out cooked.” *explains as if the employee is slow*

Employee: “Does it cook the milk as well?”

Customer: “NO! That would be dumb. It would just spoil instantly. It just keeps the drinks cool.”

Employee: “Hmmm, I can’t seem to think of the item you’re looking for. Let me get someone a bit more knowledgeable.”

(Hearing this, I come to realize that apparently there are other employees I could ask for help, but at this point I’m really curious as to what this man is talking about. The employee shortly returns with an older employee.)

Old Employee: “So you put in raw food and it comes out cooked right?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Old Employee: “Okay… and when you put in drinks or milk it keeps them cold right?”

Customer: “Yes.” *looks at younger employee* “See, he clearly knows what I’m talking about.”

Old Employee: “So, out of curiosity, when your wife takes out the cooked food… did you by chance re-heat it?”

Customer: “Well, duh…”

Old Employee: “Duh what, sir?”

Customer: “Of course she had to heat it up. The fridge kept it cold like it was suppose too. DUH!”

(It is at this moment where the customer’s wife has come to re-join her husband after looking at other appliances.)

Customer’s Wife: “So, did you have any luck finding a new fridge, hun?”

Customer: “No… I tried to find one that cooks like our old one but they don’t have it.”

Customer’s Wife: “A fridge that… cooks?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like our old one. You know, you put the chicken in raw and you take it back out later before dinner and it’s all cooked. Just like last night.”

Customer’s Wife: “Hunny… I cooked that chicken and put it back in the fridge. Fridges don’t cook food. They just keep them cold.”

Customer: *turns beet red in embarrassment as he finally realizes just how stupid of a moment he had* “Um, I think it’s time to leave.”

(The husband left in a hurried walk, with his wife in tow saying, ‘But what about the fridge, Hunny? What about the fridge?’)

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