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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”

Mother: “YOU RACIST PIG!”

Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”

Mother: “I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!”

Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”

Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 4

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We have two doughnuts that look the same but are filled with different fillings. The only way to tell is to look at the holes where the fillings are put in.)

Customer: “I’ll have the choc iced cream, and she’ll have the choc iced custard.”

Me: *holds up doughnut so she can see the filling* “Okay, the choc iced cream is white in the middle and the—”

Customer: “Why is it white?”

Customer’s Daughter: “It’s cream. You wanted the cream one. I’m getting custard.”

Customer: “Oh, it has cream in the middle?”

Customer’s Daughter: “You asked for the cream one.”

Customer: “I just wanted a plain one. It didn’t say that the choc iced cream had anything in it!”

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 3
Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2
Not The Cream Of The Crop

Not Your Cup Of Tea

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small tea merchant that sells about 200 different varieties of tea. A customer and his girlfriend come in. The girlfriend walks over to my coworker.)

Customer: *approaches me and leans in uncomfortably close* “Do you have any teas for men?”

Me: “Could you be a bit more specific, sir?”

Customer: “You know? For MEN!” *begins miming masturbating*

Me: “Err…”

Customer: *continues miming* “You know, a tea to make your d*** BIG and STRONG!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “No? Okay.”

(The customer and his girlfriend left the shop. My coworker and I looked at each other and just began laughing hysterically.)