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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Frozen In A Repetitive Cycle

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in the meat department, and we regularly cut prepackaged meats for customers. An elderly lady walks up and sets something on the counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need these cut in half!”

(She then gestures at what she set on the counter: frozen Cornish game hens.)

Me: “I can thaw those out and cut them in half for you, but it will take a bit of time.”

Customer: “No! I want them cut in half while they’re frozen! I don’t want them thawed!”

(Normally I could do such a thing, and have cut frozen chickens and turkeys in half with a bandsaw. The Cornish game hens, however, are far too small to safely cut with the bandsaw.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the game hens are too small—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut them in half!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. They’re frozen—”

Customer: “So use that big saw! I know you cut frozen meat here!” *gestures at the bandsaw*

Me: “Yes, frozen things that are big enough to safely cut. These hens are too s—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut the chickens in half!”

Me: “The hens are too small—”

Customer: “Just cut them!”

Me: “I am not cutting my fingers off over a game hen! They’re too small to put on the bandsaw! I can either thaw them and cut them, or you’ll have to take them home whole.”

(The customer took them whole, still grumbling that I was being “negative” and should just cut the hens despite the very serious risk of also cutting my fingers off. A few days later I was told by a manager that she attempted to complain that I wouldn’t help her and had a bad attitude – but he sided with me not cutting my fingers off!)

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Taking A Cheap Shot

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am tending bar for company with 600 in attendance, so I can’t serve in glasses as we can’t wash them that fast. A customer asks for a shot of whiskey, which I very generously free pour, for which this private club is/was famous. Of course in a 10 oz plastic cup it does look anemic.)

Customer: *in a loud booming voice* “When I order a f****** shot of booze, I expect a f****** shot of booze.”

(So, I turn and pick up a shot glass and pour it full from his plastic cup. I then dump about the same amount out of same cup into the sink. Finally, I pour the shot glass back into the cup and inform him:)

Me: “There you go, sir. You now have your f****** shot of whiskey.”

(He did not complain the rest of the evening.)

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Tipped To Be The Worst Customer Of The Day

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(I’ve only be on the floor for half-an-hour when a woman enters the line from the wrong way.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you today?”

Woman: “How much is a small coffee?”

Me: “It’s 1.94.”

Woman: “Anything cheaper?”

Me: “We can do 1.84?”

Woman: *throws a handful of change onto the counter* “You don’t mind if I borrow from here?” *she starts pulling money out of our tip jar*

Me: “Sorry, you can’t do that; I can’t allow you to, since it’s for all of the girls here!”

Woman: “It’s just fifty cents!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I really can’t!” *this is considered stealing from the company; we normally don’t argue over five cents but more then ten and I tend to say no*

Woman: *as I lean to grab something* “You’re a real b****.”

Me: *ignoring her, despite being very hurt and insulted* “Would you still like the coffee?”

Woman: “Fine.” *pulls out a twenty dollar bill, still muttering*

Me: *fills her a short coffee cup*

(She proceeds to grab this cup and storm off, only to come back while I’m in the middle of my next transaction.)

Woman: “I need more coffee!” *it’s obvious she’s taken a few huge gulps, but I ignore it and fill it back up. She leaves again only to interrupt my next transaction* “I need honey!”

Me: “You’ll just find it on the back bar there!”

Woman: “There isn’t any!”

Me: *as I can see if from across the room* “Ma’am, it’s just in the metal cylinder on the side there!” *she finally properly leaves, the next woman just looks at me*

Woman #2: “Are you okay?”

Me: *smiling* “I’m all right, thank you.”

(The whole fiasco wouldn’t have been a big deal if she hadn’t pulled out a 20-dollar-bill after asking for money!)