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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Dairy, Dairy, Quite Contrary

| UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(In the restaurant I work in the waiting staff make the desserts. We get an order for our children’s pancakes dessert which normally comes with ice cream, sauce, and marshmallows. The message says ‘just pancakes and marshmallows, no dairy.’ I check with my coworker who took the order.)

Me: “Our pancakes have dairy in them. Did you inform the customer?”

Coworker: “Yes. They just said they wanted them anyway, so I put the order through as they asked.”

(I decide to go check with the customer, who ordered the pancakes for her sons. Just in case there was any confusion.)

Me: “Sorry to disturb, but is this the table that ordered the pancakes with no dairy, just marshmallows?”

Customer: “Yes. Is there a problem?”

Me: “Are your children lactose-intolerant at all?”

Customer: “Yes, actually.”

Me: “Well, the pancakes we sell aren’t lactose-free. And I’m sorry, but we have no dairy-free alternative. I wouldn’t want your boys to get sick.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I know. But I already promised my boys the dessert. With all the extra stuff on they will get sick, but just the pancakes will make them only a little sick, so that’s fine.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I walk away to explain to my coworker making desserts not to worry about anything. The boys enjoyed their desserts but didn’t look to great afterwards.)

Going To Dye Of Stupidity

| RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(It’s a busy Sunday at the market I work at and we have run out of brown eggs. I’m filling the empty space with white eggs when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you could go in the back and dye these white eggs brown for me?”

Me: “I don’t think I can do that.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what you do with eggs, right? You just dye the white eggs brown. My husband won’t eat white eggs so could you dye these brown?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll just see if someone else will dye these for me, then.”

A Junior Burger Becomes A Big Problem

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a fast food joint where I mostly operate drive-thru. As any other restaurant, we have a large menu based on the outside for customers to see.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Get me two hamburgers.”

Me: “All right, sir, would you like our quarter pound size burger, or the junior sized burger?”

Customer: “…I don’t know your lingo, sir. I guess the quarter pound single, then. Two of them.”

Me: “All right, sir, that will be seven dollars and ten cents at your second window.”

Customer: “Whoa, now. That’s way too much! That isn’t what I wanted!”

Me: “So you would like the two junior hamburgers instead?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I want! Jesus.”

Me: “All right, that will be two dollars and fifteen cents. Thank you.”

(The customer pulls around:)

Me: “Two dollars and fifteen cents, please.”

Customer: “I don’t know your lingo here. You guys really need to put up a sign or something out there that tells me exactly what you have and the difference between each entry.”

Me: “With all due respect, sir, we have a large menu just behind the speaker that does just that.”

Customer: *mouth drops open and skin turns red* “Tell your manager that you’re gonna be looking for a new job soon!” *angrily drives away*

DNA Or Pay

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Years ago I was a manager at a mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant. A group of three ladies come in, sit down, and place their orders. Fast forward to when they’ve finished their meals and want their bill:)

Customer: “I want to talk to a manager. There’s a hair in my food!”

Me: *I go to check and see that all three of them have finished their meals* “I’m sorry ma’am, what was wrong with your meal?”

Customer: *shows me a blonde hair* “I found this in my rice! What are you going to do about it?”

(Considering NO ONE on staff has blonde hair and they actually ate everything, I apologize and offer her 50% off her meal, even though I’ve been doing this long enough to see through this scam.)

Customer: “WHAT?! THAT’S IT! We usually get ALL our meals for free!”

Me: “I see you’ve done this before. I’ll tell you what, ma’am. My daughter works as a forensic scientist for the police department. Let me call her to come get this hair and run a DNA test on it. We will compare it to the DNA you’ve left on your coffee cup. If it’s not a match I will give you free lunch every day for life. If it’s a match, we will waste our judicial systems time and we will have you charged with fraud. What will it be, ma’am?”

(They paid in full. And my daughter is not a forensic scientist; she’s a veterinarian technician. I don’t particularly like scammers.)

Espresso On Expresso

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work for a coffee shop franchise where the goal is to get the customer their drive-thru order in one minute or less, from the time they order at the menu board to handing it out the window.)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get started for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just need this drink really fast… Can you just make me a really fast small iced mocha?”

Me: “I sure can. Would you like any extra shots of espresso? It only comes with one.”

Customer: “No, I just need it really fast… Oh, and can I get an extra shot?”

Me: *annoyed because she’s wasting her own time* “Sure thing. I’ll see you at the window.”

Customer: *now at the window* “How much is it?”

(I give her the total, which was something like $4.03. She begins to rummage around in her purse.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. How much was it?”

(I give her the total again.)

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *pulls out her cup-holder of change* “Um, how much was it?”

(I give her the total for the THIRD time.)

Customer: “Awesome!” *hands me $5*

Customer: *as I begin counting her change* “Could you please hurry? I just need my coffee really fast.”

(I am so done at this point. I hand her the drink, which has been sitting next to me for the last 45 seconds because I’ve been waiting on her.)

Customer: “Thanks!” *peels out driving away*

Me: “…Thanks for the tip?”

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