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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Dia-Path-etic

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(My family and I have gone into an unfamiliar cafe for a light lunch. My dad and I order toasted sandwiches; my mum orders an ordinary cold sandwich. After 10 minutes mum’s sandwich comes, but no toasties. A few minutes later my dad catches the server’s attention:)

Dad: *in a jocular tone* “Hi, we’re still waiting for two toasted sandwiches. You haven’t forgotten us, have you?”

Server: *angrily* “We’re very BUSY!”

(Five more minutes go by. Mum has finished her sandwich, but I and dad haven’t got our food. The server comes towards us with a toasted sandwich, but serves it to the woman at the next table.)

Me: *to server* “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for about 15 minutes. My mum’s finished her food, and we still haven’t had ours. I notice you’ve served that lady who came in after us. Has something gone wrong?”

Woman At Next Table: “I have type one diabetes! I HAVE to eat now. How DARE you complain when I HAVE to eat something before I lapse into a coma!”

Me: “You have type one diabetes? Me, too. And what you’re eating won’t help you if you’re worried about lapsing into a coma. You need something sweet, not a savoury sandwich. Please don’t make our condition an excuse for bad manners. Nobody was talking to you, anyway.”

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The Big Fight On Sundae

, | Aurora, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money, Popular

(I’m a junior in high school, working the drive-thru, which can generally be difficult but manageable. A family whose order is large but not difficult is just about done with their order.)

Customer: “We would also like to add a single vanilla ice cream dish, but with M&M’s on it as well.”

(A dish is about 50 cents cheaper than a sundae; the difference is a dish does not have toppings a sundae does. So I change their order from dish to sundae so I can add their toppings.)

Me: “Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “Yes that will be fine.”

Me: *I read back order* “…and a small vanilla sundae with M&M’s, is that correct?”

Customer: “Wait, I just wanted a dish with the candy…”

Me: “That’s what is, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He pulls up to the window.)

Customer’s Wife: *yells from across car* “I really hope that wasn’t a sundae. On your menu it’s, like, 50 cents more!”

Me: “Yes, our toppings are fifty cents each, and a sundae has toppings. The first topping is included in the original price. A dish has no toppings, so it costs less.”

Wife: “But I only want M&M’s. Why do you have to charge me?”

Me: “Because adding something to your dish costs 50 cents…”

Wife: “You’re wrong! Fix it. Fix it now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m doing this right. This is how it works.”

Customer: “Shut up, you little s***. Don’t talk to my wife like that, you little b****. Get a supervisor or manager! Now!”

(I go grab my supervisor who is only a year older than me.)

Wife: “Finally a mature adult. Your person put our order in wrong; she is trying to charge us extra.”

Supervisor: “Oh, I’m so sorry; what is wrong with your order?”

Wife: “We want a single vanilla dish.”

Supervisor: “Oh, you didn’t want the candy?”

Wife: “Yes, we do.”

Supervisor: “I don’t see a problem…”

Wife: “F****** scammers! Why is it so much for the topping!?”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, without it we wouldn’t be able to buy more toppings, and then where would we be? And may I ask what’s the big deal about two quarters, when you large sized everything and got extra fries and extra drinks?”

Wife: “Whatever.” *she pays and drives off before she gets her food or ice cream*

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name], let’s go on break and split all their food.”

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Putting The Selfish Into Selfie

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Time

(I make the mistake of visiting a very popular coffee shop at a busy time. After more than 10 minutes I am second in the queue behind a teenage girl already holding a coffee from another shop, and there are at least 15 more customers waiting behind me.)

Customer: *stares blankly at the barista*

Barista: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Oh! I don’t know… Give me a second.” *pause* “Can I get, like, a muffin?”

Barista: *clearly already very stressed by the amount of people waiting* “We have banana, chocolate chip, blueberry, pumpkin, and lemon. Which one?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… I don’t know. Blueberry?”

Barista: *swiftly gets muffin out of case and puts it on the counter, trying to speed up the transaction* “Is that everything for you today?”

Customer: “Uh, hang on.”

(She then proceeds to grab the muffin, take out her phone, and TAKE A SELFIE with her pastry. Still not finished, she logs on to social media, filters and captions the photo, and finally posts it before turning back to the now shaking-with-rage barista.)

Customer: “Okay. Can I get, like, a [very complicated dessert drink with numerous substitutions]?”

Barista: *eyes twitching* “[Total].”

(Back on her phone, she takes her time finding her money before flouncing off after her friends.)

Me: *to Barista* “I am so sorry you had to put up with that. And I’m sorry that I didn’t slap her. Just one medium coffee for me, please, and keep the change.”

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Best To Nip(ple) That One In The Bud

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(A customer has asked me for five kilos of pork belly, in large pieces, but she has rejected every piece I’ve shown her, after looking at the underside of it. Note that pork belly comes with the skin on.)

Me: *after another refusal* “May I ask wh—”

Customer: “They have nipples!”

Me: *looking at the tiny nipples on the skin side* “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “I don’t want it with nipples!”

Me: “It’s pork belly. That’s… where the nipples are.”

Customer: “I need it without nipples.”

Me: “I can have the butcher remove the skin for you…”

Customer: “NO. I’ll still know they were there.”

Me: “Okay, so… what would you like?”

Customer: “Don’t you have any without nipples?”

Me: “All mammals have nipples, ma’am.”

(She didn’t buy any pork belly.)

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This Caller Is Special

| MD, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Store] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. Would you like to hear the specials today?”

Caller: “Is this the [Pizza Store] in [Town]?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Ya’ll got any specials?”

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