Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Macamoron

| Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I’m giving away samples of macarons, a French cookie. Many customers have been calling them “macaroons,” so I have a coworker bring me a box of those so I could show the products side by side and politely explain the differences. A lady approaches my counter.)

Lady: “Oh, macaroons!”

Me: “Actually, these are macarons, a Fr-”

Lady: *suddenly irate and smug* “WELL, IN AMERICA, IT’S PRONOUNCED ‘MACAROONS.’”

Me: *smiles politely and holds up both boxes* “Actually, these are macarons, and they’re completely different from macaroons. We happen to sell both right here.”

Lady: *looks extremely pissed and walks off without trying the product while I beam for a solid ten minutes*

Double Double Trouble

| Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work drive-thru at a popular coffee shop, and for reference, a “double double” is two cream and two sugar. A regular customer comes through the drive-thru and orders her usual, a large double double. When she pulls up to the window the following exchange happens.)

Me: “Hello!”

Regular: “Good morning!”

(I take her money and get ready to hand her the coffee.)

Regular: “Why can’t you order a double double without sugar?”

Me: “Oh, well, double double means double cream and double sugar.”

Regular: “I know. I wish I could get it without the sugar, though. I don’t really like the sugar.”

Me: “Oh! Well, you can order a coffee without sugar in it. Did you want me to do that for you?”

Regular: “But then it wouldn’t be a double double, though.”

Me: *confused* “Err, that’s right…”

(I gave her the coffee and wished her a good day. Somehow I knew there was no winning this one.)

This Is Why You Drink

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi! What can I get you to drink?”

Customer: “I’d like some wine.”

Me: “Okay… I need a little more info than that. Do you want white or red wine, or rose?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “White, red, or rose?”

Customer: “Oh! White.”

Me: “All right, sweet or dry?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Sweet white wine or dry white wine?”

Customer: “Oh… hmm… I’ll have a dry white wine.”

Me: “Sure, would you like Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *sighs*

My Milkshake Brings All The Crazies To The Yard

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(Our restaurant sells milkshakes in four regular flavors and varies an extra one depending on the time of year; peppermint in winter, peach in summer, etc.)

Customer: “And I’d like an eggnog milkshake too.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t carry eggnog milkshakes. We do have our peppermint chocolate chip milkshake, though, as well as chocolate, strawberry, cookies and creme, or vanilla.”

Customer: “No, no, I got an eggnog one here last time. I want it again.”

Me: “I do apologize, but we don’t have that flavor.”

Customer: *not mad, simply very confused* “So… you can’t make me an eggnog milkshake?”

Me: “No, I don’t have the right ingredients to do that.”

Customer: “But I got one last time.”

(I suddenly remember seeing an ad for another restaurant down the road that has eggnog milkshakes. We don’t like to send customers to other shops if we can help it, but I feel bad for her, so I smile and tell her where she can get an eggnog milkshake. She lights up.)

Customer: “Thank you so much! Please forgive an old lady for being forgetful. I’m going to take my food to go then so I can get a milkshake to go with it.”

(After she leaves, the customer behind her comes up to order:)

Next Customer: “Well, that sounded completely gross. I’ll take a peppermint milkshake any day!”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 26

| TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work at a frozen custard and coffee shop. To draw in customers we also offer free wifi.)

Customer: “I’ll get a mocha custard with extra chocolate. And what is a ‘wehfeh?'”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, um, a weefee?” *she points to the sign*

Me: “Oh! Wifi!”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, yes, sure. This says I can get it free?”

Me: “Yep.”

(There’s a long pause while the woman stares at me.)

Customer: *getting a little impatient* “What is it? Okay, is it a smoothie or custard or drink?”

(I’m a little at a loss for words so it takes me a minute to compose my answer.)

Me: “Oh, it’s, you know, it’s Internet. Like wireless Internet?” *the woman starts frowning at me* “For using your laptop or phone in the store.”

Customer: “I want my custard to go.”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 25
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23

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