Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

I Want The Most Crappy Cake You Have

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(A customer is looking to buy a five-inch round cake for a birthday party, but after discussing how many people will be there, decides to get a half sheet instead. The bakery uses marzipan to make novelty and adult sculptures to put atop cakes. This particular half sheet has a stylized sculpture of a pile of poop on top of it, which he thought would get more laughs than our other selection.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about how many guests there would be, but I’m sure everyone will get a kick out of this one!”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Now, that size of cake can be a bit heavy. Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “No worries. I have it!”

(He starts sliding the cake box off the counter.)

Customer: “Just gotta get my ke—”

(His supporting hand moves out from under the cake to his pocket and he pushes the entire cake off the counter, it somehow staying in its box.)

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Well… s***.”

(We ended up just slapping some extra icing on top and writing “for s***s and giggles” on it, as if that was the plan all along.)

This One Definitely Needs Decaf, Part 2

| WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Now I’m going to ASSUME you follow the corporate policy and you have to do a pour over for decaf?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I’m happy to do one for you if you’ve got a minute!”

Customer: “I don’t HAVE a minute.”

Me: “Okay… well, I could do a decaf Americano for the same price instead!”

Customer: “Well, I COULD throw you out the window and see if you can fly but that wouldn’t be what you WANT, now would it?!”

Related:
This One Definitely Needs Decaf

Which Is S’more Unlikely?

| BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(I work evenings at a four star hotel with a restaurant attached. We have gas fireplaces in every room. I am the only one left on shift but luckily for me the owner is there doing her monthly audit. The phone rings and I’m busy so she pick it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk, how may I help you?”

(I pause as I see her roll her eyes.)

Owner: “Yes, this is a manager speaking.” *a small amount of time passes and she looks completely dumbfounded* “I’m sorry, sir, could you repeat that, please?” *pause* “Unfortunately, sir, there is nothing I can do for you at this time. I will have maintenance come take a look in the morning.” *pause* “Sir, not only am I unable to do that but I won’t. I will have maintenance look at it in the morning and if there is damage you will be charged a compensation fee. Have a nice night.” *she hangs up the phone*

Me: “What was that about?”

Owner: “Some jack-a** got drunk and tried to make s’mores in the fireplace. His marshmallow melted to the glass and now he wants a complimentary dinner for the trouble.”

Me: “Wow. Still not the strangest thing I’ve heard this week.”

(As if on cue the phone rings again. She picks it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk.” *pause* “Yes, this is the owner speaking.”

(She pauses again and looks at the room number on the display.)

Owner: “PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I DRINK!” *she slams down the phone and looks at me* “How do you deal with this?”

Me: “Apparently the same way you do.”

Reached Your Tea Total, Part 4

| WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(My manager takes an order at the front counter, then comes over to tell me the details.)

Manager: “You see that tea order? They want a couple extra teabags, and a large take away cup.”

(I go to rummage through the cupboard to find the boxes of tea for the rarely-ordered green tea they ask for.)

Customer: *clears throat*

Me: “I’ll just be a moment, sorry!”

Customer: “Tea!”

Me: “Oh, you’re waiting on the tea? Did you want two or three tea bags?”

Customer: “Three.”

Me: “Great, I’m just working on that now.”

(I get the teabags, and the cup, and as I’m moving towards the hot water:)

Customer: “White!”

Me: “No problem.”

(Then, as I am putting the water in it:)

Customer: “White. White!”

Me: “Yes, I’ll put milk in it; don’t worry.”

Customer: “Five sugars. White!”

Me: “You want five sugars?”

Customer: “Yes. And white!”

Me: “All right, just a moment.”

(Before I add the milk, I go to put the sugars in so that they can dissolve in the water properly. After three spoonful’s of sugar, she practically shouts:)

Customer: “That’s enough.”

(I go to stir the sugar in.)

Customer: “White. White!”

Me: “Yes, just a moment.”

(I pour the milk in, stop when she says, and hand it to her. She walks off without a word, and goes and chats perfectly normally to the manager.)

Related:
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 3
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 2
Reached Your Tea Total

Getting To The Real Sauce Of The Problem

| FL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a restaurant known for our fish and chips, which is made with codfish. I am serving a family of five and taking a teenage boy’s order.)

Me: “And what would you like?”

Customer: “The fish and chips. But I don’t want any cod with it.”

Me:” Excuse me?”

Customer: “No cod.”

(I’m really confused at this point and thinking the kid just wants a pile of fried batter.)

Me: “So, uhm, how exactly did you want it?”

Customer’s Dad: “You know cod is the fish, right?”

Customer: “You mean it’s not the sauce that comes with it?”

Customer’s Dad: “No, that’s tartar sauce.”

Customer: “Oh! No tartar sauce, please.”

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