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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Order Number One

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I used to work at a cold cut sub shop, and the names of the sandwiches are pretty straightforward — but we usually, for whatever reason, get weird variations of said sandwich names, even if the staff says it correctly. This happened more than I’d like to admit.)

Me: *as cashier* “Hello! How are you? What can I get you today?”

Older Woman: *looks at menu* “Hmmm…I’d like the number one, the Pee Pee, please.”

Me: *eyebrows slowly raise, cheerful smile keeping me from laughing* “Ah, the number one, Pepe.” *pronounced PEH-PAY* “All righty, anything else?”

Older Woman: “Yes, the Pee Pee, that’ll be all. Mmmm. That just sounds so good…”

Cafe Au Lame

| Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: *yells from the milk counter, on the other side of the café* “EXCUSE ME! I ORDERED A CAFE AU LAIT!”

Me: *walking over to avoid yelling* “Yes, sir! With skim milk. That’s what I made you.”

Customer: *shows me the cup* “There’s no milk in here.”

(There’s a nice thick layer of creamy milk foam clearly visible at the top of the drink, as is usual for a cafe au lait.)

Me: “I definitely put milk in there. I steamed it myself.”

Customer: “There’s no milk in here! Look at this!”

(He proceeds to dump the coffee into our trash can, trying to illustrate that the color of the drink is too dark.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the complaint is. I prepared a cafe au lait with skim. You can clearly see the milk in the drink. I’ll happily remake your drink if you’re unsatisfied, but I need to understand what about the drink is wrong so that I can fix it.”

Customer: “How much milk did you put in here?”

Me: “About a third.”

Customer: “Well it doesn’t look like it!” *gesturing to an empty cup, since he’s dumped his drink in the trash*

(I remake him his drink exactly the same as I had made the first one, this time placing the cup of coffee on the bar, and demonstrating how much milk I am pouring into it.)

Customer: “Now that’s a cafe au lait. Was this so hard?”

(Yes. Yes it was.)

Going Nuts Over A Berry

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a restaurant that gives complimentary chocolate strawberries and baguette roll with a combo. A customer comes up to pay.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, due to a shortage in Texas we do not have any strawberries.”

Customer: *visual anger rises* “What you mean you don’t have strawberries?!”

Me: “Strawberries are out of season in Texas where we order produce from, so we do not have any in the store. Actually all of the [Restaurant]s in Arizona do not have strawberries. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I AM APPALLED! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I want a discount on my entire meal!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately I can’t do that because we do not charge you for the bread or strawberries. They come complimentary with the meal.”

Customer: “Where the h*** does it say that?!” *she grabs a menu* “Show me!”

Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *points to and reads the exact line that says “Combo comes complimentary with a chocolate dipped strawberry and baguette roll.”*

Customer: “Well, then I want a free slice of cheesecake!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry. I unfortunately can’t do that. Again, I’m sorry for any inconvenience this has caused you.”

Customer: “I’m calling MY attorney general and you will see me in court for false advertising! Nowhere does it say that it comes with the meal!”

Me: “Would you like me to read the menu to you, ma’am?”

Customer: “NO! YOU’LL SEE ME IN COURT!”

Me: *with a big smile* “Okay, ma’am! Have a nice night!”

Customer: *looks at me and yells* “OKAY!” *smugly walks away*

Me: *turns to the next customer* “Unfortunately we are out of dipped strawberries at the moment. Is that okay, ma’am?”

Next Customer: “Of course it’s okay! It’s only a strawberry!”

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Timing Is All In The Delivery

| Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular, Time

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “No problem. Just to let you know, our delivery time right now is approximately one-and-a-half hours tonight. Will that be all right?”

Customer: “Jesus! Why so long?”

Me: “Well, I’m the only one running the store at this time, and I’ve only got one driver. We’re rather busy so it’s creating higher delivery times. I do apologize for the wait, sir.”

Customer: “Well, yeah, I guess I’ll do that.”

(The customer orders and approximately 45 minutes later, calls back.)

Customer: “WHERE THE F*** IS MY FOOD?! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN HOUR AND I WAS TOLD IT WOULD BE ONLY 30 MINUTES!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry for the wait; however, it’s been only 45 minutes and your quoted delivery time was an hour and a half. We will be there within the quoted time.”

Customer: “I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS QUOTED. ARE YOU TELLING ME I’M LYING?!”

Me: “Sir, I’m the only one here, which means that I took your order. And I told you the estimated delivery time. I apologize for the miscommunication; however, we will be there within the quoted time.”

Customer: “What in God’s name is taking so long?”

Me: “…I AM THE ONLY ONE HERE.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager. This is piss-poor service.”

Me: “I am the manager. I am the only person here.”

Customer: “Well, how much longer?”

Me: “The delivery time will rise as you continue to stay on the phone with me. As I cannot prepare pizzas while I am stuck on the phone.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Would Have Been Ice To Know

| USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(My coworker just finished making a drink for this woman who had been watching her intently the whole time and is handing it to the customer at the end of the bar.)

Coworker: “Here is your drink!”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted that iced.”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, just so you know, that is important to say when you order your drink.”

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