Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Wish It Was More Than Just The Bottle To Go

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “This chardonnay is very good.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it.”

Customer: “I really do.”

Me: “Well, we do a little promotion here. If you order a glass at the bar then get a bottle to go, we’ll give you 10% off on the bottle.”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “That particular wine is $20 a bottle.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll get a bottle.”

(I get a bottle and bag it for him.)

Customer: “Can you open it? I’d like to have a glass here.”

(This promotion is only for to-go bottles, furthermore, if you buy a bottle to drink at the bar that is under $30 there is a corkage fee. I realize the man has misunderstood me, but I decide it is an opportunity to do something nice and open the bottle at the to-go price as he says he only wants a glass. The customer then proceeds to pull a pretzel out of his bag and eat it at the bar although we do not allow outside food. He makes a mess all over the bar and proceeds to stay long enough to drink almost the entire bottle of chardonnay.)

Customer: “Excuse me, may I have my check, please?”

Me: “Sure, here you are.”

Customer: “This isn’t right. You said if I bought a bottle, the glass would be free.”

Me: “No, I said if you bought a bottle TO-GO your bottle would be 10% off. You bought a bottle and drank it here and I still gave you the discount. I also did not charge you the corkage fee that we customarily charge so you are really getting quite a deal.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer pays and leaves and does not tip. I think that I have seen the last of him but he comes in the next week when my boss is working and proceeds to try the same thing with her, saying that last week I had given him his glass FOR FREE when he bought a bottle. I had, of course, told her the whole story and she was able to reply that I had not and that has never been our policy. A week after that, he comes back again. When he goes to pull out his customary pretzel, my boss decides she has had enough.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t actually allow outside food here.”

Customer: “What? But you don’t have any food here!”

Owner: “Actually, we do. It’s on that section of your menu there.”

Customer: “Oh. But do you have soft pretzels?”

Owner: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I will not be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “I mean it.”

Owner: “All right.”

Customer: “I WON’T be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Hmmph.”

(He has never been back to demand free wine or soft pretzels again.)

Don’t Drink And Drive-Thru

| Cushing, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am manning the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Do you have anything like the [chicken strip-combo] but without the drink?”

Me: “Yes, we do! We have a chicken strip dinner; it comes with the chicken and gravy, fries, roll, and no drink.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I’ll have that.”

Me: “All right, is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “A large cherry limeade.”

Me: “…”

A Spoonful Of Onions Helps The Customer Line Go Down

| Canada | Food & Drink

(Our store mainly sells made-to-order smoothies, but we do have a small selection of pre-made sandwiches and wraps available, too. Due to the amount of time it takes to prepare the sandwiches and wraps, we only make them at the beginning of the day, unless a customer wants something custom made.)

Customer: “What ingredients are on your chicken wrap?”

Me: “There’s chicken, salsa, onions, and cheese.”

Customer: “Could I get a wrap with not too many onions on it?”

Me: “Well, all of our wraps have only a teaspoon of minced onions, so there’s not very much on them to begin with.”

Customer: “Oh, my! That’s far too much!”

Me: “Well, we could make you a wrap with no onions on it, if you’d prefer.”

Customer: “No, no. I want one with LESS onions. Could you maybe put half the amount on?”

Me: “You’d like a wrap with… half a teaspoon of onions? Instead of a full teaspoon? It will take an extra 10 minutes to make. Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yes! That would be great, thanks!”

(So, despite the line-up of customers out the door, we set one employee to the task of making one wrap with HALF a teaspoon of onions on it.)

Needs Another Side Explanation

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m a waitress at a fairly well-known restaurant chain that does lunch combos on weekdays. I am serving two little old ladies and trying to explain the combos to them.)

Me: *pointing to column A on the menu with both women looking at it* “If you get two items from this column, it’s $6.99.” *pointing to column B* “Two from here would be $8.99.” *pointing to both columns* “If you get one from each side then it’s $7.99.”

Old Lady #1: “Okay. I see.”

Me: “Do you need a little more time to decide?”

Old Ladies: “Yes, please.”

(I leave and return a couple of minutes later.)

Me: “Did I give you enough time?”

Old Lady #2: “I suppose we’ll both have the shrimp linguine.”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like with it?”

Old Lady #2: “Oh, what comes with it?”

This Customer Has A Latte Problems, Part 2

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I sell and prepare often pricey coffee from another well known company. We sell baked goods as well, including sandwiches.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any turkey sandwiches?”

Me: *looking at the case, it features ham, sausage, bacon, and a vegetarian option as well* “Sorry, those are the only options we have available. Will one of them be okay?”

Customer: “I guess but can you customize the sandwich for me at least. I don’t like croissants.”

Me: “Unfortunately the sandwiches are prepackaged so we can’t do that but we can remove anything that you like from any one that you choose.”

Customer: “Fine, the bacon gouda with no bacon and no cheese. And a cappuccino as well.”

(After the order is paid for and received they come back.)

Customer: “My sandwich was fine but there is no milk in my cappuccino. It’s all foam.”

Me: “Cappuccinos are mostly foam and only half milk.”

Customer: “That’s not true. It’s supposed to be the other way around.”

Me: “Then you want a latte.”

Customer: “NO! It’s a cappuccino!”

(This back and forth went on for a bit, so in the end I made a latte with the code of a cappuccino and the customer walked away happy in their ignorance.)

Related:
This Customer Has A Latte Problems

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