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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

They’re Totally Baked

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work in a bakery in a larger grocery store. It is quite obvious that my corner of the store is a bakery as there is a large “bakery” sign above me and nothing but breads, cakes, and pastries all around. I see a woman standing at my counter.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Lady: “Yeah, I’m here to pick up an order for [Name].”

Me: “Sure, one sec.”

(I run and look at all the cakes in the cooler but see nothing under the name. So I check on the shelves in case it was a bread order, still nothing.)

Me: “I’m sorry; would it be under another name?”

Lady: “I’m picking it up for someone else.”

Me: “Was it a cake?”

Lady: “It was food.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “…”

Me: “What kind of food?”

Lady: “Uh, it was two burgers.”

This Item Is High In Metal

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a music/movie store. We often get calls to see if we have something in stock before the customer comes to pick it up, especially if it is an uncommon title.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Can you tell me if you have something?”

Me: “Sure! What is the title of it?”

Customer: “Creamed corn.”

Me: “Are you referring to the band Korn?”

Customer: “No, the food. Why would I want a band?”

Me: “Because this is a music store.”

Customer: “Look, just tell me if you’re out!”

Me: “But we’re always out…”

Customer: “You’re a lousy grocery store!” *hangs up*

How Do You Like Dem Cherry Pies?

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(It’s midnight at the 24-hour-fast food place. A woman and her husband order via the drive thru, apparently unaware I can hear everything they say. I’ve also just cut more than eight inches off my hair, streaked my hair blue, and begun wearing contacts two days prior and not even my coworkers recognized me when I clocked in.)

Customer: “There’s no one here! We should come this late more often!”

Man: “I want cherry pies and last time the dumb b**** at the counter told me they were discontinued.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just ask for some, then.” *into the speaker* “We want two cherry pies with the order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the cherry pies have been discontinued.”

Man: “GOD-D*** IT!”

(They pull around to my window to pay. The woman just grins at me.)

Customer: “Well, you know what they say about husbands! I can’t believe how empty it is right now. I’ve never been here past six or so before.”

Me: “Ha, yeah, it’s pretty dead around this time. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Honestly, I don’t understand why you got rid of those pies. They were the best thing here.”

Me: *cheerfully* “They actually didn’t sell very well. We were throwing away more than we were selling, so corporate pulled them. Would you like to try our new strawberry pie? It’s pretty good.”

(Immediately, the woman stops smiling and scowls at me.)

Customer: “That attitude is exactly why I hate coming here. You know, I remember you from last time I was here and you had a nasty attitude then, too. This is why teenagers should learn some respect for their elders! Now give me my change. I want to recount it and make sure you didn’t pocket any of it.”

Me: “Well, first off, you can’t have remembered me since you said twice that it’s your first time here past dinner time and I only work third shift. Meaning I don’t come in until ten pm.”

Customer: “Well—”

Me: “Second: I’m twenty-two and have been nothing but polite to you this entire time even after I heard your husband call one of my coworkers a dumb b**** for no reason.”

Customer: “I—”

Me: “And finally, your total was [total], meaning your change is $2.37. One dollar, two dollars, twenty five, thirty five, six, and seven. Here you go, have a nice night, and try to remember to respect the people who handle your food.” *slams window shut*

Pinot No No

| Lake District, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work on the bar of a small restaurant that attracts a lot of upscale clientele. Our selection of wines is large for the size of the business, but we only have eight that we do by the glass (the house wines). A well-dressed gentleman aged around fifty approaches.)

Me: “Good evening, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll have a small glass of Pinot Grigio.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a Pinot by the glass. We do have a dry Italian white that is similar, though.”

Customer: *as though I’d slapped him across the face* “What kind of place is this? I’ve never heard of a restaurant not having a house Pinot Grigio. What else do you have?”

Me: “We have the Italian white, which as I said is similar to a Pinot grape, as well as Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay.”

Customer: “But you do sell Pinot Grigio?”

Me: “By the bottle, yes. It’s £18.95.”

Customer: “Then I’ll have a small glass of that. How hard is that to understand?”

Me: *losing patience* “We do not sell that particular wine by the glass, sir. If I open the bottle, I am required to charge you for the entire bottle and not just one glass. What I can serve you by the glass is this particular dry white –” *picking up the bottle* “– which is the most similar to a Pinot Grigio we have.”

Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I’ll try that one.”

(I pour him a small glass of the Italian white. He proceeds to aerate the wine as though he is a professional wine taster, before smelling it, sipping it and smiling.)

Customer: “Yes, this is a lovely Pinot Grigio. I’ll take a bottle, please.”

Me: *head-bangs the wall after he leaves*

A-Salted By The Odd Request

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(After getting his coffee and some food, a customer approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Do you have any salt?”

Me: *checking to see if I heard him correctly* “Salt?”

Customer: *enunciating every syllable like I’m an idiot* “Sodium chloride, do you have it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

Customer: “F***ing h***!”

(He then proceeds to ask two of my coworkers the same question, receiving the same response and swearing at them as well. Fortunately he didn’t start anything but I informed the manager we need to buy some, if only to spread it outside the door and keep him away.)

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