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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Throw In An Extra Humble Pie

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am at a bakery getting dessert for Thanksgiving. I overhear a man and a worker talking about his order.)

Man: “My wife called three weeks ago and ordered food and called today to make sure it was ready, and you people don’t have it! It’s under John and Liz! I can’t believe you god**** people!”

Worker: “I’m looking for pies under the name John and Liz but I’m not finding anything. I’m sorry but your wife must have called somewhere else.”

Man: “No! We always get dessert here and my wife didn’t call another place!”

(This goes on for what feels like hours. I decide to get some treats for myself because hearing this guy is making my head spin!)

Man: “Two pecan pies under John and Liz! Why can’t you people get it right!? My wife called TODAY and you people said it was ready!”

Worker: “Are you sure it’s not under any other name?”

Man: “I’m positive! Are you calling me a liar?!”

Worker: “Of course not, sir. I found one ready box with pecan pies and they are the only ones ready but the name isn’t John and Liz.”

Man: “Well, what’s the name then god-d***-it!?”

Worker: “Johnson.”

(The man goes white for a second while another worker is preparing my treats.)

Man: “U-uh, yes, that’s my last name.”

(He throws money on the table and runs away while the other worker gives me my food and receipt.)

Me: “Oh, it says that you didn’t put the treats on here.”

Worker #2: “It’s on the house after listening to that for 10-20 minutes!”

Has No Beef With The Chicken

| Istanbul, Turkey | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are tourists at a Turkish seafood and kebab place. After we place our order we complimented our waiter on his decent English. A few minutes later, we overhear our waiter at the next table:)

Customer: “What is in a kebab, because I only eat chicken.”

Waiter: “Then the chicken kebab would be perfect for you. It only has chicken and spices.”

Customer: “It doesn’t have beef in it, does it? Because I don’t eat beef.”

Waiter: *sighs* “There is NO beef. That’s only in the beef kebab.”

Customer: “I don’t eat lamb either. So there’s no lamb in the chicken kebab?”

Waiter: “No. Chicken kebab only has chicken and spices.”

Customer: “That sounds good. I’ll have that.”

(I share a look with the waiter as he passed my table. He at least grinned as I was trying hard not to choke on my appetizers from laughing.)

Beguiling Bagels

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is less than five minutes before closing on a Friday night, when a clearly drunk individual walks into the bagel shop where I work. The store manager has worked with me for years, in multiple settings, and we like to take turns pinning each other with the unruly guests.)

Customer: “I want a dozen doughnuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you mean a dozen bagels?”

Customer: “Did I say I wanted f****** bagels? I said f****** doughnuts. I want a dozen doughnuts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry doughnuts.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** don’t you have any f****** doughnuts?”

Me: *in a sugary-sweet voice, with a cheek-aching, full toothed grin* “Because, we’re a F****** BAGEL SHOP, SIR. Also, we’re closed now. Have a lovely evening.”

(My manager proceeded to laugh hysterically, as she followed him to the door, locking it behind him.)