Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Plainly Didn’t Order That

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m sitting at a table in a small café. The lady behind the counter puts two orders on the pickup counter and calls out what they are.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I didn’t really hear what you said. What are these orders?”

Worker: “This is a breakfast sandwich with hash browns and this is a plain bagel with butter.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s what those are?”

Worker: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “Well, it’s just that I didn’t order a plain bagel with butter.”

Worker: “Well, then it’s somebody else’s order.”

What’s Cold Is So Hot Right Now

, | Monroe, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a very well known fast food place and am almost always the order taker and cashier during night shifts. One of my regular customers always gets the same thing: large coffee, seven creams and seven sugars. One time she said she wanted to try the iced coffee we have and wanted her usual.)

Me: “So you have hot coffee and cold coffee in on order. Makes me think of Katy Perry.”

Customer: *laughs* “You’re right; I didn’t think of that.”

Me: *jokingly* “Next time you want to order this you should ask for a ‘Katy Perry Order.’”

Customer: “I might just do that!”

(A couple nights later:)

Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Restaurant]. Order when you’re ready!”

Customer: “Yeah. I’d like one Katy Perry order, please!”

(I smile at it to this day and she still comes through with that order.)

Putting Common Sense Back On The Menu

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(My brother and I rarely get to hang out outside of work due to our schedules, so when we do, we try to make it a treat. He works the line at our pizza place and I’m a counter girl. We order from another pizza joint, having had more than enough from ours.)

Counter Girl: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]. This is [Counter Girl]. What can I do for you today?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like to order a 12-inch meatball sub.”

Counter Girl: “I’m very sorry, but we don’t offer the 12-inch subs anymore. We have 8-inch and 15.”

Me: *to my brother* “They don’t have that anymore; do you want something else?” *to her* “No problem, I’ll just place the rest of the order while we figure that out.”

(I place the rest of the order while he figures out that he wants a different sub and I add that too. But meanwhile, while I’m still on the phone:)

Brother: “This is ridiculous; that was their best seller. Tell her that they need to update their website’s online menu. This is just bull-s***. I can’t believe I can’t get my sub.”

(I finish the order, relaying none of that at all.)

Brother: “You should’ve told her off. I just wanted my sandwich; she was probably too stupid to put it in properly. And update the d*** menu! If I would’ve know, we would’ve ordered somewhere else.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure that the 18-year-old girl I spoke to made the menu changes herself. The audacity. Don’t be the kind of customer that I hate.”

(We got our order promptly and my a** of a brother actually liked what he got better than the meatball sub!)

Order Number One

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I used to work at a cold cut sub shop, and the names of the sandwiches are pretty straightforward — but we usually, for whatever reason, get weird variations of said sandwich names, even if the staff says it correctly. This happened more than I’d like to admit.)

Me: *as cashier* “Hello! How are you? What can I get you today?”

Older Woman: *looks at menu* “Hmmm…I’d like the number one, the Pee Pee, please.”

Me: *eyebrows slowly raise, cheerful smile keeping me from laughing* “Ah, the number one, Pepe.” *pronounced PEH-PAY* “All righty, anything else?”

Older Woman: “Yes, the Pee Pee, that’ll be all. Mmmm. That just sounds so good…”

Cafe Au Lame

| Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: *yells from the milk counter, on the other side of the café* “EXCUSE ME! I ORDERED A CAFE AU LAIT!”

Me: *walking over to avoid yelling* “Yes, sir! With skim milk. That’s what I made you.”

Customer: *shows me the cup* “There’s no milk in here.”

(There’s a nice thick layer of creamy milk foam clearly visible at the top of the drink, as is usual for a cafe au lait.)

Me: “I definitely put milk in there. I steamed it myself.”

Customer: “There’s no milk in here! Look at this!”

(He proceeds to dump the coffee into our trash can, trying to illustrate that the color of the drink is too dark.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the complaint is. I prepared a cafe au lait with skim. You can clearly see the milk in the drink. I’ll happily remake your drink if you’re unsatisfied, but I need to understand what about the drink is wrong so that I can fix it.”

Customer: “How much milk did you put in here?”

Me: “About a third.”

Customer: “Well it doesn’t look like it!” *gesturing to an empty cup, since he’s dumped his drink in the trash*

(I remake him his drink exactly the same as I had made the first one, this time placing the cup of coffee on the bar, and demonstrating how much milk I am pouring into it.)

Customer: “Now that’s a cafe au lait. Was this so hard?”

(Yes. Yes it was.)