Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

This Roast Is Toast

| UK | Food & Drink

(I work at a pub with a Sunday Roast carvery buffet. A vegetarian customer comes to order.)

Customer: “Can I pay for the roast, but can I just have the potatoes? I’m a vegetarian.”

Me: “Yes, but… you know the potatoes are roasted with the juice from the meat.”

Customer: “They are?”

Me: “Yes, that’s how most people roast them.”

Customer: *alarmed* “They do?”

Me: “Erm… yes… We do have some vegetarian dishes though.”

Customer: “Do most people really roast potatoes that way?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh. Right.”

(I will never forget this poor girl’s expression as she began thinking about ALL the roast potatoes she’d ever eaten.)

Giving Them Something To Wine About

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I work at a casual restaurant. Every month our restaurant carries a specialty wine, and every table has one bottle on it for decoration, together with a sign explaining the grapes and the origin of the wine. This month’s wine is a crisp French Chardonnay, best enjoyed cold. It’s August and it’s insanely hot outside. Two ladies are sitting at a table in the corner, and at one point I notice one of the ladies grab the decorative wine bottle, refilling her and her friend’s glasses. The bottle’s empty. Then she sneakily hides the bottle behind the potted plant on the table. I decide to approach.)

Me: “Ladies?”

Woman #1: *tipsy* “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, you know. It was out of habit!”

Me: “If you wanted another glass of wine you should have just asked. We’ll have to charge you €18 for that bottle.”

Woman #2: “Don’t you take that tone with me! You know what? I liked you right up until now. You gave us great service but this is just ridiculous!”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m being the ridiculous one here?”

Woman #2: “It’s ridiculous! And your wine is disgusting anyway. IT’S ALL WARM!”

(Yes, it was very odd that a bottle of wine that had been out for a week in sweltering hot weather was warm and undrinkable. The best part — after they had left, Woman #1 came back. She pulled another full bottle of wine out of her purse, that she had stolen from another table, and gave it back to me. She said her friend had put her up to doing it but she felt badly…)

Lattes And Sugar And Foam, Oh My

| Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(During an average shift at my café:)

Me: “Large latte!”

Customer: “No! I ordered a cappuccino with no foam!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. Same thing. Latte is cappuccino with no foam”

Customer: “You’re all useless!”

(A little later:)

Me: “Two lattes and a mocha.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my God I ordered a mocha and two lattes!”

Me: “…”

(A little later:)

Customer #3: *demands to see which skim milk we use to ensure it’s skim enough* “Okay, that will do. And I’ll have some whip cream on top, too.”

Me: “…”

(A little later:)

Me: “Would you like any sugar in your take away coffee?”

Customer #4: “No, sugar is POISON. I’ll have nine sweeteners.”

Me: “Sorry, was that nine?”

(It was. A little later:)

Customer #5: “I’ll have a caramel iced coffee without the caramel.”

Me: “So just a regular iced coffee?” *caramel ice coffee is a dollar more*

Customer: “CARAMEL ice coffee, just no caramel. Are you awake? Jeez.”

Me: “No worries.”

(I could write a novel.)

Don’t Give Them An Inch

, | Kangaroo Flat, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I had just handed a customer the bag containing the burger she had just ordered. She proceeds to open the bag, peer in at the cardboard clam containing the burger, up at the menu display, back into the bag, then back to the menu board. Finally, she looks at me.)

Customer: “Is this the same burger as up there?” *points to menu board*

Me: “Yes, it is; is there a problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t look like it. I mean, it’s not exactly big enough, is it?”

(I look up at the menu board, where this particular burger is displayed as being at least ten inches tall and eight inches wide.)

Me: “Umm… so you wanted your [Burger] to be about ten inches tall?”

Customer: “Of course.”

(She then walked off mumbling about ‘misleading’ advertising.)

I Handle Customers Like You For Lunch

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am usually the only person in the store where I work so I end up eating my lunch at the counter. This day I’ve brought three small Tupperware with cheese, crackers, and sliced apples. They are placed at the counter closest to me, a far reach for any customers, but not hidden. A customer walks up to pay for an item and I turn to get the box for it. When I turn around, he’s pulled the containers near him and it eating my lunch!)

Me: “Excuse me! That’s mine!”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry, I thought they were samples.”

Me: “Samples?! Of WHAT?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just samples.”

(I pull them toward me and finish the transaction in silence as I’m both amazed and angry. When he leaves he says this gem:)

Customer: “Geez, don’t get all twisted up. How was I supposed to know they weren’t samples?!”

(I couldn’t think of anything to say to that that wasn’t incredibly impolite.)

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