Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Doctorate In Bread Required

| Barcelona, Spain | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(I work at a self-service buffet in a hotel. We have these little signs with the name of every dish except the very obvious ones. I am carrying drinks when a middle-aged guest comes to me and points to the bread aisle.)

Guest: “What is this?”

Me: “Emm… bread, sir.”

Guest: “How do I know this is bread? There is no sign at all.”

Me: “Well, it is obviously bread; it looks like bread, after all.”

Guest: “What if I never saw a piece of bread before? How do I know this is actually bread? You can’t expect us all to know that this is bread. Bring me your manager.”

Me: *fetches the manager*

Manager: “Sir, is there something wrong?”

Guest: “Why is there no sign for bread?”

Manager: “Well, it’s obvious that it’s bread.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous! You think we all have Oxford doctorates here? And you treat us like fools? That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m filling in a complaint!”

(And he actually did…)

Double The Trouble

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s the difference between the single fajita and the double fajita?”

Me: “The single one is for one person, where the double is usually shared as it is double the meat.”

Customer: “So you get two fajitas with the double?”

Me: “Well, no. It’s just double the meat on the skillet, which two or more people usually share.”

Customer: “So, it’s two skillets.”

Me: “No, it’s one skillet but it has double the meat.”

Customer: “So it’s meant for one person?”

Me: “No, it’s usually shared. You can have one for yourself, but it’s traditionally split.”

Customer: “So it comes on two skillets?”

Me: “No. One skillet. Double meat.”

Customer: “Okay, we want a double chicken fajita, but on separate skillets.”

Me: “So… two single chicken fajitas?”

Customer: “Yes, that sounds perfect!”

When Sugary Doesn’t Mean Sweet

| Ross Township, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work for a global mega-corporation coffee shop. One of the summer promotional items is an insanely sugary blended drink, and it is the highest-selling promotional drink the company has ever had. As the summer is nearly over, however, we have run out of some of the ingredients to make it.)

Customer: “Hi, gimme a large [Summer Promo Beverage]! With extra dark caramel sauce and topping!”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, we’ve run out of that for the summer! Would you—”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “Yeah, unfortunately we just used the last of the product within the past couple of days.”

(She turns to my coworker.)

Customer: “YOU! It’s all YOUR FAULT!”

Coworker: “Me?! I didn’t do it!”

Customer: *to me* “Can I smack him? Is that allowed?”

Me: “It’s not his fault! Other customers drank it all. And no, you may not smack him.”

Customer: “No, it’s definitely his fault!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, I’m sure he sat there and drank all the dark caramel through a straw, just to make you mad.”

Customer: “HE PROBABLY DID!”

Coworker: “Hey, how about I make you a regular caramel [Blended Drink] and put a bunch of extra caramel in it? That’s pretty much all the [Promo Drink] is.”

Customer: “It’s not the same! But I guess it’ll have to do…”

(I ring her up for the drink and she continues to make comments, gradually getting louder and louder as she goes…)

Customer: “It’s not right! You guys shouldn’t be out of that drink. It’s all YOUR fault.”

Coworker: “It’s still not my fault!”

Customer: “Well, I’m blaming YOU for it. You guys should sell that all the time. Why would [Coffee Chain] stop selling such a popular drink? WHY WOULD [Coffee Chain] STOP SELLING SUCH A POPULAR DRINK? It shouldn’t just be a SUMMER drink; it should be available ALL the time! WHY WOULD [Coffee Chain] NOT WANT TO SELL IT ALL THE TIME? You know what? I’m going to file a complaint with the company! I’ll write to [Company CEO]! I’LL GO TO OBAMA HIMSELF!” *leaves with drink*

Me: “What the f*** is Obama going to do about her stupid [Promo Drink]?”

Horrifically Bad Timing

| MB, Canada | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Popular

(I am delivering pizza. I am going up to a house at about 11 pm and ring the doorbell. Immediately I hear a blood-curdling scream of absolute terror. A face looks out the window next to the door.)

Customer: *behind the door* “Oh, thank god!”

(Upon opening the door, it turned out the couple were watching a horror movie, and I had rung the doorbell at the exact wrong moment.)

Dose You Has Patience?

| OH, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work delivering pizzas and tonight we get slammed. One driver has called off so we currently only have two drivers and there are only two insiders to make all the food. Apparently one customer has been standing up front waiting for a little while, with a clear view of all the orders to be picked up/delivered. I guess they got tired of waiting and left a note:)

Note: *quoted exactly* “If anyone had bothered to came up you would have had our order, but now Dominos dose.”

(Yes, bad grammar and spelling included, and I don’t think anyone cared that we lost one sale considering the wait time for deliveries was currently running about an hour-and-a-half, and even pickups had to wait at least half-an-hour.)

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