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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

They Must Have Misunderstood Her Delivery

| CA, USA | Food & Drink, Transportation

(We get a large delivery order for a wealthy building near NYU. A couple, two white people that looked to be in their late 40s in expensive clothes, answer the door. Behind them there is a buffet set up and people mingling.)

Woman: “Hi! Come on in!”

(I enter, putting my bags on the table. I’m about to tell them the total, but they wave me off.)

Woman: “How do you know [Host]?”

Me: “I don’t. I’m the delivery girl.”

(They laugh.)

Man: ”We know [Host] from the English department.”

Woman: “Well, I knew her at Columbia undergrad, so way back!”

Me: “Sure. I’m studying English at Hunter.”

Man: “Great! Here, let us take your coat. What’re you drinking?”

(I keep my coat and have a beer. We talk about what a drag it is reading “Heart of Darkness” every semester. The host appears.)

Man: “[Host], do you know [My Name]? She’s at Hunter studying English.”

Host: “Are you John’s girlfriend?”

Me: “No, I’m the delivery girl.”

Host: *laughs* “Have some food! Let me know when [Pizza Place] gets here. They’re always so slow Friday nights.”

Me: “[Pizza Place] has a lot of customers; it’s nothing personal. It’s [Total], and I figure I already drank my tip.”

(They laugh again, but now the host is confused. He can see the bags splashed with my restaurant’s logo behind me.)

Host: “You’re with [Pizza Place]?”

Me: “Yes. It’s [Total], please.”

(She leaves to get her purse. The couple smiles at me awkwardly and then wanders off. I pocket another beer. The host gives me $80 and good wishes for my finals. I still like to treasure the looks on their faces today!)

I’d Like To Disorder Some Food

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(To order food you order at the counter with your table number. Our pub is circular so it is easy to see which direction customers come from, which can be helpful when they don’t know their table number.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello! I’d like to order some food!”

(Normally at this point I ask their table number, but she has a list and immediately ignores me when I start to ask her, and starts reading instead.)

Customer: “I’ll have two soups, please—”

Me: “Is that broccoli and Stilton, or tomato?”

Customer: “Oh I’m not sure, I’ll just check!”

(She dashes off, leaving her purse on the bar with me, so I place it closer to the till where it’s not so obvious. I generally don’t like people doing this as anyone can pinch it if it’s obscured by the till. She comes back.)

Customer: “Tomato, please! Oh, I suppose you want to know our table number?” *begins walking away again leaving her purse*

Me: “No! That’s okay; just tell me where you’re sitting.”

Customer: “The first booth.”

(Our first booth is table one, then table two/three are normal tables. Four and five are also booths. I put her down as table one.)

Me: “Okay, what else can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken wrap, please—”

Me: “Okay, we have four different chicken wraps.”

(I explain them all to her. She doesn’t know.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, hang on!”

(She runs back to her table to ask, again leaving her purse. This time I watch her. She is seated at table four, not one. I change her table number.)

Customer: “That’ll be [Wrap #2], just plain.”

(At this point I’m wary of asking her anything else, so I put a message saying ‘sauce on side.’)

Me: “Anything else for you on there?”

(She proceeds to give me an order with four more meals and then adds drinks. She doesn’t know who wants ice and questions me about which drink is which, etc.)

Customer: *waving the list* “Well, it’s a good thing I wrote it all down!”

Me: *in my head* “If only you actually had written it all down.”

(I carry on serving and a few minutes later she pops back up.)

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong table number!”

Me: “Don’t worry. I changed it already so it’ll be fine. Thanks.” *in my head* “Please don’t let anything be wrong on that order!”

His Drink Is Not Refreshing

, | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Me: “Afternoon, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Umm, yes… I’d like a drink.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, what can I get for you? Alcoholic or non?”

Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle?”

Me: “Afraid we don’t, sir. I can suggest [Newsagents] just next door as they may sell it, but I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Uh, okay.”

(Ten minutes later, the same customer returns:)

Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle yet?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we still don’t carry that. I can make you a hot green tea and lemon?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll keep my options open.”

Me: “Okay… Bye.”

(He came back twice more with the same request all within the hour!)