Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Holy Moly Ravioli!

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am a waiter at an Italian restaurant. I am serving two men and this happens…)

Man #1: “Your mushroom ravioli… Let me guess, the mushrooms are chopped up real fine…”

Man #2: “Tucked into a perfect pasta pocket…”

Man #1: “Dropped into lightly salted boiling water…”

Man #2: “Then finally encapsulated in a blanket of olive oil and herbs…”

Man #1: “Ready to feel the piercings of the fork…”

Man #2: “The mushrooms, the pasta, the herbs, that grated Parmesan, and freshly cracked black pepper. Oh, the explosion of flavor!”

Me: “So… two mushroom raviolis?”

That’s A Wrap!

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work part-time at a popular national chain with quite a few franchises scattered about. We have a variety of meals which you can have made in either a wrap or a roll, for which we specifically ask the customer for when they order. From this particular customer’s actions, I would guess English is not their first language.)

Customer: *holding what appears to be a chicken schnitzel roll* Excuse me! I ordered a roll and you have given me a burger!

(I get my manager over because customer complaints have to be directed to them.)

Manager: “What you have there is a roll; we only serve wraps and rolls; that is the latter.”

Customer: “But this is not a roll! This is a burger! See, it’s made in a bun, not rolled up!” *shows us what it looks like in detail in case we didn’t understand*

Manager: “That isn’t a burger. It is a roll. It is similar but if you asked for a roll and not a wrap then that is what they will make for you.”

Customer: “Don’t pretend like I don’t know how rolls work. See up there?” *points to a wrap on menu* “THAT is what I want, d*** it. I want it ROLLED UP like that!”

Manager: “So, what you want is a wrap…?”

Customer: “NO, I want a ROLL for th—” *the penny drops* “Oh… s***.”

Wish He Would Shut Up Like A Clam

| Hudson Valley, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A table of three old men come in and sit, they order, and I go back to the server station. I turn around to find one old man has followed me back.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you? Did you forget something?”

Old Man: “Clams. You got clams?”

Me: “Oh, yes, sir, we have clams in white garlic sauce, or we can do a marinara—”

Old Man: “No. Steamed clams.”

Me: “Uh, no, sorry, we don’t have steamed clams on the menu.”

(Old Man returns to his table, mumbling. As I am about to bring drinks to another table he stops me in the middle of the dining room.)

Old Man: “Let me have a look at the menu again.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, I’ll bring one over to your table in a moment.”

Old Man: “You can just give it to me now.”

Me: “Okay, sir, hold on one moment, I just need to put these drinks down.”

(He stands behind me, sighing, as I serve the drinks. I give him the menu and he doesn’t even open it.)

Old Man: “How about shrimp?”

Me: “Yes, we have shrimp, just like the clams. I’m afraid it’s not steamed though. We can do it grilled or sautéed if you’d like.”

Old Man: “Is the shrimp frozen?”

Me: “Yes, we freeze it, but it’s fresh. Our delivery comes—”

Old Man: “I’ll take it frozen.”

Me: “Uh… it’s uncooked. Do you want it raw?”

Old Man: “You serve RAW shrimp?”

Me: “No, we typically cook it. It’s frozen raw.”

Old Man: “So how do you serve it with the red sauce?”

Me: “Like… a shrimp cocktail?”

Old Man: “Yeah! Exactly.”

Me: “We don’t have shrimp cocktail.”

Old Man: “A seafood place with no shrimp cocktail, unbelievable.”

(He goes back to his table. We’re an Italian place. I bring out their appetizer, wings.)

Old Man: “I don’t get any tartar sauce with that?”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Old Man: “Tartar sauce. I want tartar sauce.”

Me: “We don’t have any fried fish on our menu; we don’t have tartar sauce.”

Old Man: “Well, it ain’t that hard to make. I want some. Go tell the cook if he can’t make me shrimp cocktail or clams he better make some d*** tartar sauce!”

(One of the cooks gives me a hard time, but whips up some tartar sauce, missing some prominent ingredients. After I clean the table I notice the tartar sauce sitting, untouched, behind the man’s glass.)

An Idiot Combo

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(Most of the burgers offered by the chain restaurant I work at come in a combo. We are required to ask whether customers want a small, medium, or large combo, although many of them tend to be confused at the combo sizes.)

Customer: *in a foreign accent* “I want a number two combo.”

Me: “Certainly; what size would you like for your combo to be: small, medium, or lar—”

Customer: *getting irritated* “What are you talking about? What is in the number two combo?”

Me: “It comes with fries, and a drink of your choice.”

(The customer suddenly turns and walks away to the back of the line, and not knowing what he had in mind, I clear his order and take the orders of several other customers before facing him again.)

Customer: “What language do you speak?”

Me: “English?”

Customer: *raging* “Then why are you too stupid to understand my order? I just want a number two burger and a big [Soda]!”

Me: “So that’ll be a large [Soda] for you?”

Customer: “No! I want a small [Soda]! I am much smarter than you!”

Me: “Is that so? All right.” *points to debit card reader* “Please swipe your card to begin processing the transaction.”

Customer: *stares blankly at card reader* “What is this? How am I supposed to use this?”

Me: “If you are much smarter than me, you should be able to figure this out with no problem.”

(The customer continued to ramble on in unintelligible grunts and mumbles until I helped him finish processing the transaction. He took his meal and left without giving me any further trouble.)

Chipping Away At Those Cultural Differences

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(Some of my extended family from Ireland have come over to the US for a cross-country road trip. My one cousin is obsessed with French fries, which are called “chips” over there.)

Cousin: “Can I have some chips?”

Server: “Oh, I’m sorry we don’t have potato chips.”

Aunt: “He means ‘French fries,’ sorry!”

(Whether he just never clued in or refused to change what he called them, he never said French fries. When they finally get back to the east coast before flying home, we’re having dinner with them when this happens.)

Cousin: “Can I have chips with that?”

Waitress: “Of course!”

(We were thinking the waitress just recognized their accent and knew the difference in terms; turned out when the food arrived, alongside his hamburger was a giant mound of made-on-premises, freshly fried, potato chips! We got a good laugh out of it, and thankfully they were tasty, too!)

Page 68/438First...6667686970...Last