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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Why Did They Have To Order Sausage?

| San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’ve been serving at a loosely fine-dining establishment for a couple of months. Before this job, I worked at a corporate chain restaurant, so I’m still a little more enthusiastic than the job calls for and can talk a bit much.)

Customer #1: “How big are the pizzas?”

Me: “They’re about 12 inches.”

Customer #1: “Oh. Will that feed two people?”

Me: “Usually. Some people eat it all by themselves, but two people could easily split the pizza if you ordered an appetizer or salad or something as well.”

Customer #1: “Okay, we’ll get the pepperoni and sausage, and two Caesars.”

(Once the pizza is ready, I take it out to the table. Along the way, another one of my tables that had decided against the pizza stopped me to look at it.)

Customer #2: “Wow! That pizza is actually pretty big! We should have gotten one!”

Me: “I know! 12 inches doesn’t sound all that big until it’s right there in front of you! I guess you gotta see it to realize how big it really is.”

(My eyes widen and my face instantly turns red as I realize the dirty way my statement could be misconstrued, so I quickly take the pizza and drop it off at the right table.)

Customer #1: “Oh, honey, I don’t think we even needed to order those salads! This pizza is much bigger than I thought!”

Me: “Uh, huh… yep, it’s big. Enjoy!”

Coupon Complication

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Money

(We have several coupons out. One is for a “two can dine.” This means the customer gets two full combos for a set price, in our case $10 + tax.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to use this.”

(Presents coupon.)

Me: “No problem; we can do that for you.”

(The transaction goes well until it’s time for him to pay.)

Me: “That will be [total], please.”

(His total is $11 and change. He hands me $1.50 and the coupon.)

Me: “Sorry, I still need another $10 from you.”

Customer: “No, I gave you the coupon.”

Me: “You did, but you still owe me $10.”

Customer: “The coupon says $10 off. I gave you the coupon so I only owe you the difference.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that isn’t how it works. This coupon lets you buy two combos and you only pay $10 instead of the regular $17 or so.”

Customer: “But it says right there: take $10 off.”

(This goes on for a few minutes, with the supervisor on shift explaining it to him as well. Eventually he leaves without buying anything.)

Customer: *on his way out* “Bunch of morons. Your other store wouldn’t do it right, either.”

Needs A Medium To Understand This Order

| Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m order-taker at the drive-thru.)

Customer: “I’d like a small-medium [Drink].”

Me: *puzzled* “A small-medium [Drink]?”

Customer: *getting really irritated* “YES. A small-medium [Drink]!”

Me: “What size would you like? Small, or medium?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Raspberry Lie

| Manchester, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am restocking cones when a man comes in with his little girl and starts looking at the ice creams with her, trying to help her decide. A minute or so later this happens:)

Dad: “Ooh, look at this one. Do you want this? ‘Raspberry ripple,’ that’s vanilla with strawberry in it!”

Me: “…”

Ice Cold Demands

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(My sandwich shop is located in a fairly affluent area of my city, between a well-known coffee shop and a smoothie shop, with whom we are on good terms. On this day, the ice machine has broken. A repairman is scheduled to fix it later in the day, but in the meantime my boss has instructed me to tell all customers about the lack of ice before selling them a drink. So far, none of them have had a problem. I’m serving a woman in her 40s during the middle of an extremely busy lunch rush.)

Me: “Would you like anything else with your sandwich today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just a large soda, please.”

Me: “Sure thing! Just to let you know, our ice machine is currently not working, but the drinks are still cold. Will that be all right?”

Customer: *looking scandalized* “Excuse me? How am I supposed to get ice, then?”

Me: “Oh, well, some people have gone next door to [Coffee Shop] to get ice. They won’t mind giving you some.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then.”

Me: “Great! Your total is [price].”

(She pays and then stares at me for several seconds. I smile uncertainly at her.)

Customer: “Well? Where is my ice?”

Me: “Um, you can just take it next door to [Coffee Shop] and—”

Customer: *looking as insulted as can be* “What?! You want me to go all the way over there and get it myself? Are you SERIOUS?” *looks to other customers for validation* “I mean, you call this customer service? YOU run out of ice and expect ME to pay the same price for a drink AND go find my own ice? I mean, honestly!”

(Startled, I look to my manager, who is as shocked by this outburst as I am. He looks at the 15 people still in line, then shrugs and nods, moving forward to take over my register. I grab the woman’s cup and run next door to the coffee shop. The barista fills the cup to the top with ice, and I run it back to the customer, who snatches it out of my hand.)

Customer: “THANK you. Was that so hard?”

(She marched to the soda fountain, dumped out all but two or three ice cubes, and filled her drink to the top.)

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