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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Platter Of Misunderstandings

| Canada | Food & Drink, Money, Popular

(It is a very busy morning at our hotel as all of our conference rooms have been booked for meetings. The night before, my employee called me asking if it was still possible to place a catering order for one of the meetings. He said the gentlemen in charge is there to set up the room and realized he hadn’t requested it sooner. I had him put the customer on and I informed him that we could only arrange for a simple dessert platter or soup-and-sandwich menu at this short of notice, and he decided on a dessert platter and two large pitchers of coffee. The next morning I greet him as he comes in.)

Me: “Good morning! So, just to confirm, you wanted the dessert platter and coffee served at 9 am, is that correct?”

Customer #1: “Excellent! Thank you.”

(I go back to the front desk and people start arriving. Around 8:30 a gentlemen approaches the desk.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, I’m in [same meeting as the first customer] and I’m wondering if we could get the bill for the room in advance. I’m going to prepare a check and drop it off when we step out for lunch.”

Me: “Absolutely. I’ve got everything ready right here. I just need a moment to print it out.”

(I print it and hand it off and he thanks me. A moment later he returns.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, why are we being charged $24.95 for food and beverage services?”

Me: “Oh! That’s for the dessert platter and the coffee that you ordered from [Local Catering Company].”

Customer #2: “What dessert and coffee? I didn’t order anything from [Catering Company].”

Me: “The gentlemen in charge of the meeting ordered it last night.”

Customer #2: “I’M in charge of this meeting and I didn’t order anything! Who did you speak with?”

Me: “Umm… I spoke with [Customer #1], that gentlemen standing over there. He came in last night to do the set-up and we spoke over the phone. I also confirmed it with him this morning; I confirmed that he wanted it for 9 am.”

Customer #2: “I have no idea where you’re getting this from. We did not order anything. I am in charge of the finances and the decisions. How dare you allow someone to go over my head!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but he was the one who booked the room and he is the one with whom I’ve had all communications. I didn’t even know you existed before this morning so I had no way of knowing you were in charge.”

Customer #2: “Well, okay, that is understandable but I do need this taken off the bill, please.”

Me: “Well, the food has just been delivered and paid for maybe 10 minutes ago. It’s non-refundable so we would be taking a financial loss here. Are you certain you don’t want to take it? At a discounted price maybe?”

Customer #2: “I said, TAKE. IT. OFF.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m terribly sorry for the mix up.”

(I remove it from his bill and proceed to call the local soup kitchen to tell them we have a donation for them. They come by to pick it up and are very grateful. Around 9:45, the meeting let’s out for a break and about a dozen people flood into our breakfast room. I figure they are going to watch the television and since breakfast is over I don’t mind letting them mingle. Then I hear the familiar sound of our cupboard doors opening and closing and the coffee machine running. I go in to see all 12 people eating muffins and drinking coffee. A few even have yogurts from the fridge. I take a count and prepare a bill and when the group lets out for lunch I present it to Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “What is this? What am I paying $42 for food and beverages for?! I thought we discussed this already!”

Me: “This is a bill for the coffee, muffins, and yogurt your guests took from our breakfast room. Those items are only free to hotels guests and only during breakfast hours. It’s $1.50 per coffee for 12 coffees, $1.35 per muffin at 12 muffins, and $1.50 per yogurt for five yogurts.”

Customer #2: “I don’t understand. It was under $30 a couple hours ago…”

Me: “Yes, for the dessert platter and coffee provided by [Catering Company]. They charge a flat fee which we are not charging you for. Those muffins and coffees come from our personal supply. We charge per item whereas the catering company charges a flat rate.”

Customer #2: “Well, give me the catering platter and stuff, then!”

Me: “Even if I could you would just end up paying for both.”

Customer #2: “I should have kept my big mouth shut.”

(He pulled out his checkbook and cut a check for the food and I later heard him yelling at his guests to “not touch the bloody food!”)

Trying To Milk Some Tomorrow Out Of Today

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(The lady in line in front of me is making a complaint to a confused cashier. The lady is complaining about the milk her grandson got with his breakfast meal. Her husband is sitting at a table nearby with her grandson lying on top of the table holding his stomach and moaning.)

Lady: *slams the EMPTY milk bottle on the counter* “Do you people know how to read dates? This milk is expired and now my grandson is sick! This is your fault. If I have to take him to the ER, I’m sending the bill to you!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You said the milk was expired? I checked it myself.”

Lady: “Well, you obviously don’t know what today’s date is then, idiot. Manager, now!”

Cashier: *literally running from the register* “Yes, ma’am!”

Lady: *turns to me* “These morons can’t get anything right. And they want $15 an hour!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Lady: “That idiot gave my grandson expired milk. I demand all of my money back and I’m sending the ER bill here. It is obvious my grandson has food poisoning!”

Manager: *in a patient and calm tone* “Ma’am, what is today’s date?”

Lady: “You don’t know the date either? Morons leading morons! It is [today’s date].”

Manager: “And what’s the date on that milk?”

Lady: “It says [tomorrow’s date]. See, it is expired! It smelled bad and had chunks in it. My grandson is so sick. I demand my money back now. Hurry up so I can take him to the hospital.”

Manager: “Yeah, not going to happen. You don’t get to insult my cashier or me when you are the one that can’t figure out that tomorrow comes AFTER today. The milk doesn’t expire until tomorrow, meaning it is still good today. Your grandson drank all of it so it couldn’t have had a strange smell or texture. And your grandson is likely sick from the three doughnuts you let him eat in addition to the croissant and hash browns. Get out.”

(The lady is literally dragged out of the store by her husband who is also dragging their grandson by his coat.)

Me: “Wow. Some people just suck. Don’t worry, not everyone is an a**hole.”

(I dropped $1 in the tip jar immediately and was as kind as possible to the terrified cashier. When the manager handed me my meal, I found a note saying “Thanks for not being an a**-hole!” with an extra doughnut in the bag.)

H2-Woah, Part 2

| Hamilton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

Customer: “Where is your cooler?”

Me: “Cooler?”

Customer: “Vending machine.”

Me: We don’t have a vending machine, but if you need some water, I can get you a glass of water.”

Customer: “You can go to Hell.”

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H2-Woah

She Has Taken The Black

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I am a breakfast chef at a five-star hotel. We have a lot of North American customers who are unfamiliar with some popular European foods. A waiter draws my attention to an order they have just taken.)

Waiter: “Vegetarian breakfast with black pudding. I tried explaining but she just shoo-ed me away.”

(Black pudding is made from pigs’ blood.)

Me: “Do you want to check again, that she’s sure?”

(The waiter goes off to check again with the customer and returns a minute later.)

Waiter: “She’s sure. She ate it before and it was delicious. And she isn’t very happy at her order being questioned.”

Me: “I’ll just go and check.”

(I go to the customer’s table.)

Me: “Are you a vegetarian, ma’am?”

Guest: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Me: “Are you aware of what black pudding is?”

Guest: “Look, I had it for the first time a few days ago and it was delicious. Now, just get me my d*** breakfast.”

Me: “Can I just explain…”

(I go into the full details of how black pudding is made, with the boiling of the pigs’ blood, the addition of oatmeal and diced pig fat, etc. I note the customer going greener and greener as the story goes on.)

Guest: “Actually, could I just have cereal and toast, please?”

Not Quite A Toast To Intelligence

| Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Two employees who speak minimal English seemed to be having difficulty dealing with a customer. I go over to see if I can help.)

Me: “Hi. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for uncooked toast.”

Me: “You mean bread? Our bakery de—”

Customer: “No. uncooked toast.”

(I am momentarily stumped. Then…)

Me: “Can you describe uncooked toast?”

Customer: “Yeah, It comes in slices, and you can put four of them in the toaster.”

Me: “Yeah, I think we have that…”

(I show him a package of sliced bread.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Yes, finally.”

(He leaves. I turn to coworkers.)

Me: “Sliced bread. He wanted sliced bread…”

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