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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Count One’s Chicken Sandwiches Before They Hatch

, | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work in a popular fast food restaurant that has a lot of different options for chicken sandwiches and wraps as well as burgers.)

Customer: “I want a crispy chicken sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “The crispy one.”

Me: “We have multiple chicken sandwiches; you can get any of them as crispy or grilled chicken.”

Customer: “I just want a chicken sandwich!”

Me: *deep breath* “Our chicken sandwiches are numbers eleven, twelve, and thirteen on the menu board, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much is it?”

Me: *sigh* “The number eleven is $4.99, the number twelve is $4.89, and the number thirteen is $4.49.”

Customer: “I’ll take the one that’s four.”

(The customer’s wife wound up taking over after that. Thank god.)

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You’re Not Bready For This

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(There’s a guy that orders the exact same sandwich from our deli every few days. This was the first time I helped him. Usually one of the ladies who recognizes him will just start making it when they see him but none of them were there when he got there.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a sandwich on wheat bread with mustard and mayo, but scrape it off, and lettuce and turkey. Cut it in half and wrap each half in plastic wrap.”

Me: “Okay.” *I grab one of the sandwich order forms and write it down real quick before I forget* “I’ll have it done in a few minutes.”

(I make the sandwich following the instructions to a T. I tag the package with the sandwich in it and wish him a good night. He leaves. He comes back a few minutes later looking furious.)

Customer: “Excuse me. There’s supposed to be bread here.” *he’s pointing to one of the halves which obviously has bread on it*

Me: “There is bread on it.”

Customer: “No, there’s not; it should be right here but it’s not.”

Me: “I don’t see what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “You see this? That’s meat; it’s supposed to be bread!”

(We go back and forth a few times until I stop to process what exactly he’s trying to ask me. In the middle of it he scoffs and storms off. Before he got too far, I have an idea and stop him.)

Me: “Wait, sir. Do you want me to move the bread over?”

Customer: “YES!”

(I took the sandwich from him and un-wrapped the plastic. I moved the bread over the QUARTER INCH it slid off of the meat and very carefully wrapped it back up so it wouldn’t move again. I handed it back to him, and then he very happily walked off.)

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One Hot Coffee Equals Three Cold Ones

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are on a business trip. It has been a long drive and we stop for something to eat.)

Customer: “Can I get a coffee, please?”

Cashier: “Sure; it will be just a moment.” *to me* “How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, three [meals], please.”

(The cashier sorts a tray out, and starts loading up the three soft drinks for my order. At this point the customer before me wanders off and comes back with a straw, picks up one of my drinks.)

Me: “Er, excuse me, what do you think you’re doing?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That is obviously my order; you ordered coffee.”

Customer: “Oh, I, err.”

(By this point his coffee is finished.)

Cashier: “Your drink, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, err, thanks.” *scurries off*

Cashier: *to me* “Did he not notice there were three of them?!”

Me: “How did he not notice it was ice cold?!”

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Caught With Their Pants Down

| GA, USA | Food & Drink, Transportation

Me: *to a coworker* “Can I make a public service announcement for our drive-thru customers?”

Coworker: “Saying what?”

Me: “You don’t realize it but… I can see all the trash piled up in your car floors. I can also see that you’re not wearing any pants.”

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Caught You In A Jam

| York, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a store that has four floors. I work in the basement taking deliveries so I have very little knowledge of the supermarket itself save for which floor things go to. Occasionally I have to cross the shop floor to deliver said stock. Here I’m on the lowest floor, just returning to my post, when a middle-aged chap in a well-tailored business suit bursts in off the street:)

Customer: *upon seeing my uniform* “Hey, you there, where is your jam?”

Me: *just wanting to get back to my job* “I’m very sorry, sir. I’m afraid I’m not trained as floor staff so I don’t know how to help you, but I’m sure if…”

Customer: “I NEED jam!”

Me: *trying to stay polite* “I’m sorry, sir, I honestly don’t know where the jam is; I work behind the scenes here with stock delivery you see.” *I spot a floor worker* “However…”

Customer: *hasn’t listened to a word* “I NEED JAM NOW! I’m a VERY busy man and I don’t have time to be messed around by stupid, lazy, little people like you. NOW DO YOUR BLOODY JOB AND GET ME JAM!”

(He’s flaring his nostrils, shaking, and getting really quite scary eyed by now, a full on temper tantrum, basically, so I decide to have a go at pretending I’m floor staff.)

Me: “All right, then, let’s see…” *I look up and Lady Luck shines on me* “…ah, I would take a guess it’s probably somewhere near that big 6×4 foot hanging sign just behind you that says ‘Jams’?”

(The customer follows my gaze and sees said sign.)

Customer: *angry sarcasm* “THERE! You see, that wasn’t SO hard for you to do, now WAS it?!” *stomps off in the direction of the sign*

Me: *under breath* “So easy even you might have been able to do it, sir.”

(How urgent a need for jam can anybody possibly have, anyway?)

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