Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Got All Tangled Before

| Topsham, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I stop by a department store after work to grab a few things. While in the grocery section, I see some dinosaur chicken nuggets and decide to buy them for myself, even though I don’t have any kids. At the register, the cashier rings up my groceries.)

Cashier: “You know, we have frozen chicken nuggets.”

Me: “These are frozen.”

Cashier: “No, these are dinosaurs.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I just kind of thought dinosaurs would be fun.”

Cashier: “Right, so I was just wondering if you saw the frozen ones.”

Me: *confused* “These ARE frozen ones. Unless I somehow grabbed some from a refrigerated section instead of the freezer?”

Cashier: *thinking* “I don’t even remember dinosaurs in frozen, but I could just be forgetting.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I got them from the freezer section.”

Cashier: *exasperated* “No, I meant frozen chicken nuggets.”

Me: “These ARE frozen chicken nuggets.”

(We both stare at each other for a moment like the other person is a total moron.)

Cashier: *sighing* “I meant Frozen. You know…” *awkward pause* “Like with Elsa. ‘Let it go, let it gooo!’”

Me: *throwing up my hands* “Holy s***, you meant the movie ‘Frozen’!”

Cashier: “Yeah.”

Me: “Jesus Christ, that was confusing.”

Cashier: “Yeah… here’s your receipt.”

Turning Jesus Into A Complaint

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work as a cake decorator in a supermarket bakery. We receive pre-made frozen cakes to put out. These are usually more expensive, but arguably more decadent… covered in caramel and cookie crumbles, etc. When an item hits its sell-by date we mark it down to half price. A woman comes up to me carrying a large, expensive, pre-made carrot cake that’s been marked down. It’s covered in chopped nuts, mounds of cream-cheese icing, and tons of little icing carrot decorations. Getting one of these on markdown is a very good deal, both in terms of quality, and the fact that they’re big enough to feed 20 people or more.)

Customer: “I need something written on top of this. It’s for a church. I need you to write, ‘Celebrate Jesus, He is Risen, He is the Way’ on top.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll do what I can. We don’t typically write on these cakes because there is so little space with all the decorations.”

Customer: *looking affronted, even though this is policy* “Well, you can just move them around, can’t you?”

(Normally, I would say no since it’s not worth my time as an employee to do something so fiddly when I have so much other work to be done, which again is company policy unless a customer really presses it. But this happens to be the last half hour of my shift, and I’m already done cleaning and just helping the other staff assist customers. And hey, I actually DO enjoy my job and a challenge.)

Me: “If you don’t mind waiting, then yes, I will do what I can for you.”

(I break out my tools and some wax paper and begin to carefully lift off the little icing carrots all over the top, which she very sharply informs me she wants in a separate little plastic container for herself. I scrape and smooth off the little bits of coloured icing that remain, rearrange the large swirls of icing, carefully push back the border of chopped nuts, and smooth it all down so it looks freshly iced. Through it all she stares me down, and at one point asks if her watching me makes me nervous, and looks disappointed when I say no.)

Customer: “I suppose you need me to spell ‘Jesus’ for you?”

Me: “I think I can handle that one, but thank you, ma’am.”

(Again, she looks disappointed, and watches almost angrily as I carefully write on the cake. Her attitude perplexes me more than anything else, but I can tell she’s trying to make me screw up or catch me doing so in order to get a bigger discount, since customers are rarely content with what they’ve got.)

Customer: “Well… I guess this will do.”

(She snatches the cake when I put the top back on, and storms off with her little container of icing carrots, not so much as a thank you. My coworker comes over and comments how impressed she is that I kept my cool. I go upstairs to finish up some paperwork for the next week’s sales before I leave, and a few minutes later, my coworker sticks her head into the room.)

Coworker: “That woman is back! She says you misspelled Jesus and she wants a discount!”

(I have no idea what expression I made, but my coworker immediately started laughing and said she’s just joking and ran off. I later found out she wasn’t kidding, but thought I looked so shocked and angry she decided to deal with it herself and went to the store manager instead. I had not, as it turned out, misspelled Jesus, and the woman’s scheme for a greater discount probably would have worked had she not accounted for everyone being able to see and read that for themselves when she showed the cake off to management. That, or maybe I should have been the one to spell it out for her.)

Thinks He’s A Hot Shot

| Cambridge, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am manning the drinks station. It’s a bit before everyone was really into coffee and we used to filter it into a couple of thermos jugs and pour from the jug when ordered.)

Customer: “Coffee, a fresh one.”

Me: “Certainly, there is one just finishing filtering now.” *pours coffee, puts it on tray*

Customer: “Well, that won’t be strong enough.”

(All the while his wife is watching quietly with a long suffering expression.)

Me: “I can pour you one from the other filter, if you prefer?”

Customer: *stony stare*

Me: *pours coffee from other jug and hands it over*

Customer: “Well, that won’t be hot enough, will it?” *jams his finger into the visibly steaming cup to prove his point and scalds himself*

Me: “Would you like to run that under cold water for a while?”

Customer: “No, we’ll just take this coffee.”

(At this point his wife finally chips in.)

Customer’s Wife: *very calmly but firmly* “I don’t want it now you’ve stuck your finger in it.” *walks away*

Customer: *follows without another word to me*

Me: *stunned*

Deceitful Drinking

, | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a fast food restaurant drive-thru and am taking a customer’s order.)

Customer: “I would like a number three with a [Soda #1] to drink.”

Me: “A number three with a [Soda #1]. Can I get you anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, your total will be $7 at the next drive-thru window. Thank you!”

(The customer pulls up to the window and pays for his order. I hand him his drink.)

Customer: “I wanted a [Soda #2], not a [Soda #1].”

Me: *confused* “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’ll remake that for you, sir.”

(I go to remake the drink and notice the customer hasn’t given the Soda #1 back to me.)

Me: “I need the [Soda #1] back, sir.”

Customer: “Huh? What [Soda #1]?”

Me: *annoyed* “The [Soda #1] I just gave to you a few seconds ago.”

(The customer reluctantly hands the Soda #1 back to me.)

Customer: “Are you going to throw that out?”

Me: “Yes, it’s our standard policy.”

Customer: “Well, you should just let me have it if you’re going to throw it out. That’s just wasteful.”

Me: “Sir, if this was an honest mistake, I would let you keep the drink free of charge, but you intentionally tried to deceive me to get a free drink. I’m afraid you won’t be getting a free drink today, sir.”

(The customer was silent for the rest of the transaction. Unsurprisingly, I never saw him again.)

In Macedonia They Just Call Them Nuts

| VA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll just have three cookies, please.”

Me: “All right, and what kind would you like?”

Customer: *gesturing in the general direction of the cookie display* “Oh, you know, one of those ones.”

Me: “So would you like chocolate chip, sugar, oatmeal…?”

Customer: “I want one of the Macedonian cookies!”

Me: “…umm, what?”

Customer: “Yeah, the light-colored ones with the white chocolate and nuts and stuff.”

Me: “You mean the macadamia nut cookies?”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever it’s called.”

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