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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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Smoked Sausage

| Leicestershire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the till on a morning shift in the middle of the week and it’s fairly quiet, as it’s the time of day when most people are at work or school, when a customer walks up to the bakery stand and makes a show of reading the labels on the bags of sausage rolls.)

Customer: *loudly, but to nobody in particular* “Good!”

(He walks up to my till and places a couple of bags of the sausage rolls and a few other items on it.)

Customer: *sounding very proud of himself* “I saw there weren’t any genetically modified ingredients on the label. It says if they are now.” *Note that such a law has been recently implemented in the USA, but it’s been the case here for over a year* “It’s important to be careful about what you eat.”

(I didn’t want to argue, so I just nodded and brought up the weather. After I ring up his purchases…)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “25 grams of [Rolling Tobacco].”

(After I handed it over, he didn’t bother to check the label.)

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Going Nuts For Candy

| Wilmington, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Holidays

(It is the first of November, during a huge clearance sale on leftover Halloween candy. I finish ringing up a customer’s items and ask if she has any coupons that she’d like to use. Much to my surprise, she presents two: one for candy… one for nuts.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t use this coupon. You haven’t bought any nuts.”

(She looks blankly at me for a moment.)

Customer: “There are nuts in the candy.”

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The Worst Cookies In London

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays

(It’s the Sunday before Halloween. As our store hours are shorter on Sundays, the store owners have allowed all the employees to dress up in costume and play PG movies on the television in the dining area. My best friend and I are dressed up as Sarah Williams and Jareth the Goblin King from the 1986 film Labyrinth. About twenty minutes into the film, I’m approached by a customer and her friend. She glances at the movie, sizes up my Jareth costume, and immediately breaks out into song:)

Customer: “You remind me of the babe!”

Me: *elated* “What babe?”

Customer: “The babe with the power!”

Me: “What power?”

Customer: “The power of Voodoo!”

Me: “Who do?”

Customer: “You do!”

Me: “Do what?”

Customer: “Remind me of the babe!”

Me: *laughing* “That just made my day! You’re definitely my favorite customer! Would you like a free cookie?”

Customer: *still smiling* “Chocolate chip, please!”

Customer’s Friend: “I don’t get it…”

Coworker: “It’s from the movie we have playing.” *she gestures at the TV*

Customer’s Friend: *pointing at our coworker in the back, who works in production* “Is she from the movie, too…?”

Me: “No, she’s dressed up as Mrs. Lovette from ‘Sweeney Todd’.”

Customer: *chuckles* “I hope she didn’t bake my cookie…”

Customer’s Friend: *still confused* “Who…?”

Me: “She… bakes people into pies.”

Customer’s Friend: *horrified* “And you’re letting her work in the BACK?!”

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They All Come Out On Halloween

| Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Holidays

(It is seven am, Halloween morning, during the start of our breakfast rush. We park two cars, one for a large order and one for two hash browns.)

Employee: *comes back inside after bringing the two bags out to the cars* “I think you guys handed me the wrong order. The woman gave me a receipt for a large order but the man said he didn’t have two hash browns either. The man stuck the bag with the big order between his legs. I asked for the receipt and food but he wouldn’t give me either.”

Man: *on cue* “I want my f****** food! I got the wrong order!”

Employee: “I was trying to get the receipt, sir, but can we get the bag back?”

Man: *in a smug tone* “Oh, bite me.”

Me: “Okay, sir; just let me see your receipt and I will gladly get it to you.”

Man: “I JUST WANT MY F****** FOOD!”

Me: “I understand, sir. I can go ahead and print the receipt for you if you’d like. Just let me know what items you had and I can get it for you.”

Man: “Are you f****** kidding me? JUST GIVE ME MY FOOD!”

Me: “Sir, I will. I just need to know what you had so I can get it for you.”

Man: “This is f****** stupid. You won’t give me my food!” *stomps out of the store, never bringing the bag with the wrong order back*

Woman: *comes inside* “I’ve been waiting for my order for a while now.”

Me: *utterly perplexed* “I… I believe that man just left with your food. But don’t worry, ma’am, I’ve got it for you.”

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A Bit Too Cheese-Thick

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The pizza place I work at has an item on the menu called cheese-sticks, which is pretty much garlic bread with cheese on a pizza base cut into sticks instead of slices.)

Customer: “Hi, can you do garlic bread with cheese, please?

Me: “Well, we have cheese-sticks which is garlic bread with cheese, just cut differently!”

Customer: “Er… no, I want garlic bread with cheese?”

Me: “That would be cheese-sticks then, sir.” *adds item to order*

Customer: “No, I want garlic bread with cheese? Can you remove cheese-sticks from the order, please?”

Me: “The cheese-sticks is garlic bread with cheese, sir, just cut differently. I can have it cut into slices if you want?”

Customer: *looks at a bunch of his friends and gives them the ‘is this girl thick’ look*

Manager: “[My Name], do what he says.” *gives me dead eye*

Me: “Garlic bread with cheese, then!” *types in cheese-sticks*

Customer: “Thanks, wasn’t too hard was it?”

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