Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

That’s A Latte To Take In

| Galway, Ireland | Food & Drink

(I work in a large, busy coffee shop. I am assisting an American customer who is reading our menu very closely. We offer iced coffees, including iced Americanos, lattes, and mochas.)

Customer: “Okay, the iced Americano. This says that is dairy-free. What makes it dairy-free?”

Me: “There’s no… dairy in it. It’s made with water and coffee.”

Customer: “Okay, could you make me that, but with some milk in it?”

Me: *trying to be chipper and patient* “Yes, of course! How much milk?”

Customer: “Oh, all milk. Coffee, and then milk instead of water.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Okay, no problem!”

Customer: “Wait… does that just make it an iced latte?”

Me: “Yes… Yes, it does.”

Customer: “Ah, never mind. I don’t want that, then. I’ll just get a smoothie.”


, | Toledo, OH, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in a sandwich shop. Due to a recent string of customers ordering sandwiches “with everything” and complaining when a topping they didn’t want is on the sandwich, or telling us which optional toppings they want by ordering them WITHOUT certain optional toppings and then again complaining when it’s not made “right”, we’ve started to require every customer to be very specific with what they want to order on each sandwich. Our most popular sandwich is a Philadelphia cheesesteak, listed on the menu as having steak, cheese, and then listing six optional toppings.)

Customer: “I want a Philly cheese steak.”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to add to that? It only comes with meat and cheese; the other listed toppings are optional.”

Customer: “No banana peppers.”

Me: “Those actually don’t come on it; they’re just an optional topping. All I need to know is what you DO want.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No banana peppers.”

Me: “Again, those are optional; I just want to know what you want to ADD. The Philly only comes with meat and cheese by default.”

Customer: “So none of that other stuff is on it?”

Me: “No, but we can add it if you ask for it.”

Customer: “Okay. I don’t want any banana peppers on it.”

Me: “They don’t come on it. What would you like to ADD?”

Customer: “No banana—”

Me: “Sir, the sandwich does not come with banana peppers already on it, so I can’t take them off. I only need to know what you want me to ADD TO the sandwich, not what you DON’T want on it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I gotcha. So you only need to know what I want on there other than the meat and cheese.”

Me: “Yes!” *thinking he finally understands*

Customer: “Well, no banana peppers…”

Me: *screams internally*

Just Smile And Drive On

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend got us tickets to a race. While he’s scouting out the seats, I see a stand serving spiked hot chocolate.)

Me: “Hi! One spiked hot chocolate, please!”

Server: “Coming right up!”

(She begins making the drink, and starts to make small talk.)

Server: “So, who’s your driver?”

Me: *taken aback* “Err, my boyfriend?”

(She looks at me in confusion, then laughs, realizing I thought she was asking who my designated driver was.)

Server: “No, no, sweetie. I mean for the race.”

Me: *blushing furiously* “Oh! I don’t follow NASCAR; I’m here with my boyfriend.”

Server: “That’s okay. It’s still fun to sit and talk and watch them drive. Enjoy your hot chocolate!”

Me: “Thanks!”

(For the record, my boyfriend’s driver won!)

Tip Of The Iceberg Of Her Stupidity

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I’m serving at the bar of a club when a woman orders a soda. I pour the drink and serve it to her.)

Woman: “I want the ice at the bottom of the glass, please.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did put the ice in first.”

Woman: “No, I want it at the bottom of the glass otherwise it hurts my teeth when I drink. ”

(At this point, as the woman has said this with a straight face and appears quite calm. I think she’s joking.)

Me: *laughing* “I can give you a straw, but changing the laws of physics is a bit beyond me I’m afraid.”

(The woman goes a shade of red and starts yelling.)

Woman: “Who the f*** do you think you are to talk to me like that?! You’re boss will hear about this; it’s just unacceptable!”

(The woman stormed out and I was left shell-shocked at the bar. Funnily enough, she did complain about my rude and disrespectful service, and after two weeks of meetings with management she got banned.)

A Deliveryman AND A Lobbyist

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(There are several nice dorm-style residences nearby that don’t allow delivery drivers to go directly to the rooms. We don’t mind, because not having our drivers go up and down 10 stories saves us a little bit of time on deliveries. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]; what can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes, can you explain why someone just called me from a number I don’t recognize, and said that he’d wait for me in the lobby?! What do I do?”

Me: “Oh, no, maybe he got the wrong phone number. I’m sorry, it must be very creepy to have someone call you out of the blue and say they’ll meet you in the lobby when you didn’t even order pizza! Thanks for letting me know.”

Caller: “What? No, I ordered pizza!”

Me: “Oh, I misunderstood.”

Caller: “I guess so. What do I do? Why’s my pizza taking so long?”

Me: “The person who called you and said they’d meet you in the lobby… Did they say that they were calling from [Pizza Shop]?”

Caller: “Yes! It was so weird! I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Well, I think that was our delivery driver. He uses his cell phone to call people, so it won’t show up as being this same number. I think you should probably go down to the lobby, since it sounds like he’s waiting for you with your pizza.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It’s so confusing.”

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