Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 10

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(I work for a well known supermarket delivering groceries to customers at home. As delivery drivers we are given a fairly wide range of power when it comes to refunding customers. We can more or less give away stock at the door providing its worth no more than about £5. That means if I deliver some milk and you aren’t happy with the sell-by date printed on it, I may just give it to you for free. Some customers however seem to think I can push this to insane limits. Customers have asked me to refund and allow them to keep £20 worth of meat produce. But perhaps the most memorable one for me was a customer had ordered a large and expensive bottle of scotch — probably £70 shelf price. The customer found fault with the fact that the cardboard box it came in had been squashed slightly.)

Customer: “This really is unacceptable, I mean this was supposed to be a gift, and look at it.”

Me: “I understand completely; this is very disappointing. I’m sure. I can obviously refund this for you.”

(The customer gets a triumphant look in his eye.)

Me: “I just need to scan the item to issues the refund.”

(The customer hands the bottle over and I scan it and return it to my trays.)

Customer: “Oh, no! I want to keep it!”

Me: “Oh, okay. then let me just cancel that refund.”

Customer: “But I want my refund, too!”

Me: “I am very sorry, but I can’t do that for you. The cost of this item is far too high for me to give it to you for free.”


Me: “Yes, for low value items we have some leeway, but I simply can’t allow you to not pay for an item that costs over £60.”

Customer: “Oh! I can’t just keep anything I want and not pay?”

Me: “No, you can’t. That would be theft.”

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7

The License Plate Is TARD15

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work for a very well-known retailer delivering groceries to customers at home. Some customers don’t quite understand the process that follows to get their shopping to them and seem to think my van is bigger on the inside… This happened to me today.)

Me: “Good morning. It’s bad news today. I’m afraid five of the items you ordered were not available. You haven’t been charged for them.”

(One of the missing items is apples, which the customer appears to value above all else.)

Customer: “You’re telling me that you haven’t got any apples on that van to give me?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know it’s very odd that the store would have no apples at all, but I’m afraid I can only give you what I have.”

Customer: “No… I mean you must have some apples on the van, right?”

Me: “Uh, well it’s possible there are some in another order but I can’t just give you those. They belong to someone else.”

Customer: “Nope, that’s not how it works. It’s first come first served. That’s why I pick the early delivery slot.”

(I’m still not quite sure what the customer is getting at here and assume he thinks the early slot means his shopping was picked earlier.)

Me: “Ah, not always I’m afraid. The pick team picks the shopping somewhat randomly.”

Customer: “Look, you must be an idiot. You have apples on your van, right?”

Me: “Uh, perhaps, but they are—”

Customer: “SO GIVE THEM TO ME!”

Me: “I can’t; that would be theft. Those items are allocated to other customers.”

Customer: *getting quite angry now* “No, that’s not how it works. You come to my house, pick out my shopping, and give it to me. If it’s on the van, it’s mine! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”

(I suddenly realise what he is getting at.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have been misinformed. We do not carry around all the items stocked by [Company] and pick them upon arrival at the customer house. Your shopping is picked on the morning of your delivery date in store at [Location]. I couldn’t carry around the whole range that [Company] stocks, since we have over 10,000 items. It would never fit on the van.”

(The customer seems to suddenly realise the logistical impossibility of this… goes very quiet, and his face turns bright red.)

Customer: “Well, I shall be complaining to customer service about this. It’s unacceptable.”

(He proceeds to rapidly take his shopping indoors, signs for his order, and slams the door in my face.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day!

A Hot Slice Of Justice, Part 4

| La Pine, OR, USA | Food & Drink

(I work from home selling crafty items that I make. My business phone number is available for custom requests and linked to a cell phone. I get a phone call from a private number. This is always suspicious to me but I answer anyway.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. [My Name] speaking!”

(There’s an incoherent screech reminiscent of a three-year-old who has learned how high-pitched they can make their voice and a thumping that sounds like stomping feet. I assume that a very young child is playing with the phone and hang up. The phone rings again.)

Customer: “How dare you hang up on me! I ordered a pizza and it hasn’t arrived yet!”

Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number, ma’am.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! This is [number not even remotely like mine] and I ordered a pizza from you!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I don’t make food items.” *she tries to interrupt me, but I keep going* “Thank you and goodbye.” *click*

(The phone rings again and when I answer she is screaming incoherently again. I hang up. She calls again, and I pick it up and immediately hang it up as the first note of her voice comes over the receiver. The next time I pick up the phone and just hold it in the air, letting her vent full volume into space. I get bored and watch the clock. It eventually goes quiet after about five minutes of screaming and ranting with no response whatsoever from me. Eventually she catches on that something isn’t right.)

Customer: “Hello…?”

Me: “Good. Afternoon. You. Have. Called. [Business]. We do NOT serve pizzas!”

Customer: “…” *click*

A Hot Slice Of Justice, Part 3
A Hot Slice Of Justice, Part 2
A Hot Slice Of Justice

Fading Hope For Humanity

| Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(The store I work at has greenhouse, giftware, and women’s clothing departments. I started working in the clothing department a month ago and while I can answer most questions customers have about our department, I’m sometimes uncertain about the answers for other departments.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the fresh farm garden produce.”

Me: “Oh, we actually only have the farm produce on Saturdays.”

Customer: “No, the sign outside says every day.”

Me: *knowing full well that’s not what the sign says* “I’m pretty sure the sign beside the front door says we only have produce on Saturdays. If that’s changed, I wasn’t aware.”

Customer: “No! The sign says every day! Where’s the produce?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m quite sure we don’t have any. When we do have it, it’s out on the front lawn.”

Customer: “The sign says every day! Where’s the produce?”

Me: “You know, maybe it changed and I just wasn’t aware. That actually isn’t my department. Let me run and find one of my coworkers to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, just forget it. I’ll find it myself!”

(Later, I went up to the registers to place something on hold for another customer, and that same customer was standing in line to pay.)

Customer: *seeing me* “Oh, you know what? You were right. The ‘Satur’ part of Saturday was just faded.”

(Nice as it was that she acknowledged being wrong, my coworker later told me that she actually had to walk outside to look at the sign with the customer to convince her we only had produce on Saturdays. Also, the letters on the sign are all vibrantly black – no fading.)

Red Alert!

| São Paulo, Brazil | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Geography

(Someone call us requesting us to go to their house get their computer so we can repair in our shop.)

Caller: “Hello! Can you come here get my computer to fix it?”

Boss: “Sure! What is your address?”

Caller: “It’s [Street], [house number]. It’s right in the intersection. It’s a two-floor yellow house.”

Boss: “[My Name], go and get the computer; it’s easy to find.”

(I go there and find the house number, but it’s red, and all houses have two floors. I ring the bell nonetheless but no answer the door, so I call my boss.)

Me: “[Boss], I’m here at the number, but no one is coming and the house is red.”

Boss: “Okay, give me a minute. I’ll call them.” *calls Customer* “Hey, [Customer], my employee is at the number but I think it’s the wrong place. Can you explain again how to get there?”

Customer: “Sure! It’s [Same Street and number], a two floor yellow house.”

Boss: “There’s just a red house at that street, and no one answered the door.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. It’s yellow, but we painted it red last month.”

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