Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!


In For A Penny…

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’ve been working as a pizza delivery driver for about two months, and I take pride in finding customers’ homes quickly and calling them if I don’t. This night, after going up and down a very dimly lit street looking for the house number for about ten minutes, after two trips past where the house should have been, I call the customer from my cell phone and get no answer. Finally, someone picks up.)

Customer: “Who the h*** is this and why the h*** do you keep calling me?!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. I’m from [Pizza Place] looking for [Customer]. Is this the right number?”

Customer: “Yeah. Where the f*** is my pizza?”

Me: “I’m having a little difficulty locating your house. I’m at the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2]. Can you point me in the right direction?”

Customer: “It’s two blocks down. Can’t you f****** read?”

Me: “The street two blocks down is completely dark. Can you turn your light on for me?”

Customer: “Fine. Hurry the h*** up.”

(Five minutes later, I’m two blocks down, and still no lights. So I call again. Apparently seeing my number again, the customer comes outside.)

Me: “Here’s your pizza. The total is $24.99.”

Customer: *hands over $25* “So f****** expensive. You can keep the change as your tip.”

(Normally, I don’t have coin change on me. That night, I happened to have a penny in my pocket from where I’d picked it up off the floorboard of my car earlier. Before he could turn away, I dug in my pocket and slapped it on top of the pizza box.)

Me: “No, sir, you can keep it; you obviously need it more than I do.”

(Before he can answer, I turn away and get in my car. When I get back to the store, my manager calls me into the back.)

Manager: “I just got a phone call about you. Apparently you were rude and abusive to a customer?”

Me: *explains situation from beginning* “So, I told him he could keep the penny.”

Manager: *dies laughing* “Good for you! I’m putting him on the ‘do not deliver’ list. If he wants pizza he can come get it himself.”


Your Demand Is Not Kosher

| Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Me: “Hello, [Pizza Place].”

Caller: “You guys delivered the wrong order to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Can I get some details from you?”

(I get the caller’s name and address and look them up in the system.)

Me: “So you ordered a vegetarian special? What did you receive?”

Caller: “We got sausage with the vegetables! We are Jewish! How dare you insult us by putting pork products on our pizza!”

Me: “I assure you, we did not intend to offend you in anyway. I see here that you’re in an area we deliver a lot to, meaning our delivery drivers tend to have more than one pizza on their runs at a given time. It’s possible they accidentally mixed up your order with someone else’s.”

Caller: “I still think I deserve to be compensated!”

Me: “Certainly, just bring the pizza back and we’ll make you a fresh one with no pork, free of charge.”

Caller: “What? That doesn’t do me any good!

Me: “Uh, and why’s that?”

Caller: “Well, we were starving so we ate the whole thing already. Giving us another pizza is pointless because we aren’t hungry anymore!”


Oh You’re Asking For It All Right

| NY, USA | Food & Drink

(The customer walks up to me, and seems completely uninterested and distracted, barely making eye contact.)

Customer: “I want the all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “We do have a large popcorn offer that comes with one free refill. We unfortunately do not offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn option.”

Customer: *barely paying attention* “So you’re trying to tell me the large gets refills, right?”

Me: “The large gets one free refill.”

Customer: “Okay, so I’ll take one of those, you know, the large, all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “All right, that’s one large popcorn… but just to be clear, it only comes with one refill, okay?”

Customer: *still not even looking at me* “That’s fine.”

(I give her the popcorn and ring her out. About half an hour later, she gets her refill. 20 minutes later, she comes back out again.)

Customer: *not even looking in my direction while thrusting her bag towards me* “Refill.”

Me: “All right, but just so you know, I’ll have to charge you since the larges only come with one free refill.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(I get her refill.)

Me: “That will be [price].”

Customer: *turning towards me suddenly, angry* “But this is an all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “We don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Customer: “But you told me this was an all-you-can-eat popcorn!”

Me: “Actually, I told you repeatedly that our large popcorns only come with one refill.”

Customer: “But I asked for an all-you-can-eat popcorn!”

Me: “Ma’am, we really don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn and I made sure to explain that.”

Customer: “BUT I ASKED FOR ONE!”

Me: “I understand; however, we don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn option.”


(Knowing where this is going, I just give up.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll give you this one last refill for free, but you’ll have to pay for any other refills. I really shouldn’t make exceptions like this, but I’ll let it slide if there was some confusion earlier.”

Customer: *storming away* “This is terrible customer service! You’re supposed to give the customer what they ask for!”

(Considering earlier this same day a 40-something man and his wife had made fun of me for being fat to my face and I got screamed at by at least a half-dozen people over prices I have no control over, it took every ounce of patience not to flip my lid.)


Wants A K… K… K… Kilo

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Holidays

(It’s two days before Christmas. Whole piglets are normally only available by special order, but because of the season, we’ve ordered in a few extra.)

Customer: “How much is a piglet?”

Coworker: “It’s $100. I think we have a couple left. Do you want me to go see?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(My coworker goes into the back, and returns with a piglet on a trolley.)

Coworker: “You’re in luck!”

Customer: “Great! Can I have a kilo?”

Coworker: “…a kilo? Of a piglet?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “No.”


Will Have To Gingerly Decline

, | UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(My friend and I have a Christmas tradition of a zoo day together. We always have a coffee half way round as it’s the best in the area. For Christmas, the cafe has limited edition flavours including chocolate orange and gingerbread. We get to the till and this happens.)

Friend: “Ooh, the gingerbread latté is back!”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have amaretto, hazelnut, or mint available at the moment.”

Me: “Oh, okay, no problem. I’ll have an orange hot chocolate—”

Friend: “—and a gingerbread latté.”

Cashier: *raises hands laughing*

Me: “Oh, god… I’m one of those people today!”

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