Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Lettuce Tell You What You’re Doing Wrong

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh… I think I want a burrito.”

Me: “Okay. What kind of rice and beans in there?”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian? I can’t eat meat.”

(This didn’t seem too strange to me, because some people do make beans with a bit of meat in them. I tell her that the only things on the line that aren’t vegetarian friendly are the meats.)

Customer: “Ok… is the chicken vegetarian?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Is that, what is it, steak? Vegetarian?”

Me: “Again, none of our meats are vegetarian. But I can put some grilled vegetables in if you like.”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then proceeds to ask about every single thing on the line. I kept trying to reiterate that everything else on the line is, indeed, vegetarian. She kept asking anyway. Thinking she might be trying to mess with me, I decide to see if she’s calling my bluff or not.)

Customer: “Is the lettuce vegetarian?”

Me: “No.”

(It actually is, since it was literally just chopped lettuce. But the customer doesn’t miss a beat.)

Customer: “Okay, then I don’t want any of that. Is the cheese vegetarian?”

(That may have been the longest order I had to fill. She was a nice girl, though. I guess she just had no idea what vegetarianism was.)

Beware The Milks!

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I worked for our phone line for nearly two years before the stress got to me and I had to be moved to another section. One phone call from a guest still plagues my mind, however, and I will never *ever* forget it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; can I help you find something?”

Caller: *with the heaviest accent I have ever heard in my lifetime* “I has many milks.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “No, you see… I has many many milks. I am allergic to the milks and have a car that was going to do the breaking down. I buy many organic milks because the cows they eat the grass and I can drink the milks. So get many milks because cannot drive to store cause car going to break down. But after car break down, cannot drink milks! Still allergic! You need call the farm because the cows are not drinking the grass and come get many milks. They will go bad!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask a question. Are you lactose intolerant?”

Caller: “Very much so!”

Me: “I am, too, and if I may make a recommendation, [Brand of milk that is lactose free] will be safe to digest at a lower price than organic. Organic milk still contains lactose.”

Caller: “No! The cows; they are not eating the grass! I cannot drink the milk! Call the farm!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I cannot contact the supplier. If you search the brand on the Internet you may find their customer service number.”

Caller: “Fine, now come get the milks.”

Me: “We do not do home item retrieval, ma’am. You would have to bring the items to our store to return them.”

Caller: “No! The car, she is broken! I cannot drive it! You come get the milks!”

Me: “Perhaps you can borrow a friend or family member’s car or bum a ride from them?”

Caller: “No! You come get them!”

Me: “I cannot, ma’am.”

Caller: “FINE! Get manager!”

Me: “Right away. Please hold.” *goes to transfer line but she hangs up the moment I pull the phone away* “I can’t believe that just happened…”

Coworker: “Please, for the love of all that is beautiful, transfer that call to me next time.”

(She never called back.)

Def-Eat-ed

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A teenage girl who was seen earlier in my emergency department shift for vomiting has returned. When she was discharged earlier she was given prescriptions and told to only eat clear liquids for 24 hours. Her mother is with her.)

Patient: “I stopped vomiting while I was here but it started again when I was at home.”

Me: “Did you take the medicine you were prescribed?”

Mother: “The doctor said she should only eat clear liquids. That medicine is a pill. She can’t take it because it is not a clear liquid.”

Me: “Well, she should only eat clear liquids except for the medicine. The medicine will help control the vomiting.”

Mother: *starting to get louder and agitated* “I know what the doctor told her! I was sitting right here! You are not even the doctor! You don’t know! She can’t take that medicine because she can ONLY have clear liquids!”

(At this point then girl vomits again and I can clearly see undigested hamburger meat in the emesis bag.)

Me: “Did you eat a hamburger after you left the hospital earlier?”

Mother: “Well, she was hungry! She had to eat something!”

Meat-Freedom Isn’t Free

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A well-known fast food chain has been doing free giveaways of their new steak wrap. Their stall has been set up in a busy city square, across the road from a major train station. My girlfriend and I are third and fourth in line for the wraps.)

Employee #1: “There’s your wrap. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Thanks.” *starts eating his wrap* Oh, my God, this has meat in it! Ew!”

(The man turns back to face the employee.)

Customer: “I’m a vegetarian! I can’t eat meat! Why didn’t you warn me!”

Employee #1: “First of all, there are giant signs all over the square saying that we are giving away STEAK wraps. Secondly, you never said anything about being a vegetarian until after you had started eating that.”

Customer: “So? I want a new wrap. One with no meat in it!”

Employee #1: “Sir, we’re only giving away steak wraps here. If you want a vegetarian wrap, you’ll have to go to our restaurant up the street and buy one.”

Customer: “Oh, for f***’s sake!”

(He throws his wrap into the ground, making a rather large mess, then storms off towards the train station. My girlfriend and I start discussing what just happened, as another employee cleans up the remains of the wrap.)

Girlfriend: “Honestly. How the f*** do you see a sign saying ‘Free steak wraps’ and think ‘vegetarian.'”

Employee #2: *overhearing us* “If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be working here.”

Should Just Drive Straight-Thru That Morning

, | Tempe, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a fast-service chain restaurant.)

Me: *taking an order in the drive-thru* “Good morning, welcome to [Company]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Give me two sausage burritos and a large iced mocha.”

Me: “We only have original and vanilla iced coffee.”

Customer: *huge sigh* “SERIOUSLY? Fine, vanilla.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

Customer: “HOW much?!”

Me: “Uh… [amount].”

Customer: “Ugh…” *drives up to window*

Me: *take his payment, hand him his coffee* “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “THAT’S your LARGE size?”

Me: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: *rolls his eyes and looks away from me in disgust, spotting [Other Chain Restaurant] next door to us* “Oh, my god… I’m not at [Other Chain Restaurant]…”

(He was quiet while I finished the rest of his transaction. I figured that since he hadn’t had that coffee yet and it was only 6:00 in the morning, I could be understanding of his plight and not say anything about it either.)

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