Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!


Monstrous Pronunciation

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “And can I have a pound of the monster cheese?”

Me: “Excuse me? What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “The monster cheese. This one.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the muenster.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, but, well, you know, I don’t know how to pronounce that. It’s too hard. Is it ‘manster’? ‘Minster’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t know how to pronounce it. Is it ‘mo-an-ster’? ‘Moon-ster’?”

Me: “Ma’am, I just told you how to pronounce it. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s too hard to pronounce! Is it ‘mon-aster’? Is it ‘minister’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Well, however you say it, I want a pound.”


We’re Not Buds

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Gah! Why am I drinking this? Why did I order Bud Light? I hate Bud Light! Will you get rid of this and get me a Busch Light instead?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take her half full bottle of Bud Light and dump it out and get her a Busch Light.)


Me: “You asked me to get you a Busch Light.”

Customer: “No! You dumped out the Bud Light!”

Me: “You said you didn’t want it.”

Customer: “But you didn’t have to dump it out!”

Me: “What else am I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “But that’s wasting it!”

Me: “BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! What else was I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “Well, YOU could’ve drank it! Why didn’t YOU drink it?”

Me: “I think you need to leave.”


Your Request Will Not Bear Fruit

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at local pizza place. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “What kind of pizzas do you have?”

Me: “Well, let’s see! I have pepperoni, cheese, [Specialty], which has sausage, mushrooms…”

Caller: “No, no, what kind of toppings do you have?”

Me: “Oh! I have pretty much anything you’d expect! For meats, I’ve got pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham, chicken…”

Caller: “I don’t like vegetables.”

Me: “Okay, I have several pizzas with meats only…”

Caller: “Well, I don’t like meat.”

Me: “Do you want a cheese pizza?”

Caller: “Oh, no, I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Can I make a suggestion?”

Me: “Sure!”

Caller: “You guys need to have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah. So, can you make sure your manager knows?”

Me: “Um… okay, sure. I’ll tell somebody.”

Caller: “Okay, well, I’m going to call back tomorrow to make sure you have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “Well, I won’t be able to tell the owner by tomorrow. I’m sorry…”

Caller: “Oh, what’s your owner’s name?”

Me: “[Name].”

Caller: “Oh, okay, he’s the owner of [Pizza Place]?”

Me: “Yes, he is.”

Caller: “Is he the owner of ALL the [Pizza Place]s?”

Me: “Uh, no…”

Caller: “Oh, okay, well, can you tell him right now that you need to make dragonfruit pizza?”

Me: “He’s not here right now. Would you like to speak to the manager on duty?”

Caller: “Oh, no. I’ll call back in a month to make sure you have dragonfruit pizza. Okay? So make sure you make dragonfruit pizza by then.”

Me: “Um, okay, I’ll let somebody know for you.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. I love you. Bye.” *click*

(What just happened?)


Un-Beer-lievable Behavior

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(At around 11:45 pm, just before we close, a group of guys from the 21st function upstairs come downstairs. They’ve been incessantly rude and destructive, in addition to being very drunk. My manager tells us not to serve them. I have scrubbed the beer trays down and it’s clear we’re closed. I’ve worked a 12-hour shift and want a beer for myself and my bed.)

Customer: “Two beers, please.”

Me: “No, mate, I’m not serving you any more.”

Customer: “Nah, nah, you know you want to. Two beers.”

Me: “I said no. We’re closing and you’re too drunk for me to serve.”

Customer: *leans over the bar and pulls the beer tap*

Me: “F*** off and get out of my bar!”

(He smirks and walks out.)

Manager: “Did you just tell him to f*** off?”

(Expecting to be reprimanded I apologise for my short fuse.)

Manager: “No, don’t apologise. If you didn’t, I would have.”


It Doesn’t Matter As Long As It Matters

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(Our chocolate and vanilla cupcakes have a lot of variation in decoration from icing color to type of sprinkle. Some version of this conversation happens several times a day.)

Me: “Do you have a decoration preference?”

Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter.” *as I reach for the nearest cupcake* “Oh, no, I wanted the blue one!”

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