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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

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About To Be Very Cheesed Off

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(This happens when the couple I just served are paying.)

Me: “Was everything okay?”

Customer: “Well, almost. I found that the cheese was very dry, tough and flavorless.”

Me: “All right, what did you order?”

Customer: “It was [dish].”

Me: “Hm. That shouldn’t come with cheese.”

Customer: “Well, there still was some. It was under the bread.”

Me: “That… would be a yellow napkin.”

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Talking Udder Nonsense

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(A frosty customer comes in, and asks for the dairy-free brochure. I oblige and talk her through some of our more popular dairy-free dishes, sorted by meat. It’s late in the day and I’m not feeling my best; needless to say, I let myself slip a bit.)

Me: “This [beef dish] here is dairy free.”

Customer: “How can it be?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t contain any dairy products.”

Customer: “But beef is cows and cows are dairy? So how can you possibly claim that?!”

Me: “Well, as it’s beef, it is indeed cows, but it doesn’t have any milk products”

Customer: “But all cows are dairy!”

Me: *accidentally saying with a sarcastic tone* “Only the female ones, madam.”

(At this point I think that the lady is going to have a go at me; her face is creased and her brows are furrowed. I realise instantly that I’ve said something without thinking. Suddenly her face brightens.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay, then; I just didn’t want any dairy.”

(She grabbed the meal and rushed to the till. Phew! I escaped that one!)

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Made A Sweet Chocolate Covenant

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(While waiting for my order at the window of a local coffee place, I overhear this conversation:)

Employee: “One large chocolate chip chocolate Frappuccino with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate sauce.”

Woman: “That’s me.”

(I eye her drink with slight judgment.)

Woman: “It’s not for me; it’s for my grown-*ss man child who would rather play Halo all day than get food.”

(The entire store heard this and was laughing for ten minutes. The manager gave her a $10 gift certificate for the comment.)

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The Sad State Of Cat Food

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(A woman flags me down for some help finding cat food.)

Customer: “I want something that’s made in the U.S. Nothing from China. And it has to be high protein, high fat. No chicken. He won’t eat that s***.”

Me: “That’s great, because plenty of our cat food are made in the U.S.!” *gestures to one brand* “This one sounds perfect, and it has non-chicken proteins like salmon.”

Customer: “He told me he doesn’t like seafood.”

Me: *thinking how her cat told her this* “Well, it also comes in quail, turkey, venison, and lamb as well. Lots of different meats that don’t go anywhere near the ocean!”

Customer: “What state specifically is it made in?”

Me: “I’m not sure…” *inspecting packaging*

Customer: “Because I don’t buy from redneck states.”

Me: “This one’s made in California.”

Customer: *pause* “Well, I guess made by Mexicans is better than from a redneck state!” *slides an armful of cans into her cart and walks away*

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Having A Corn Squabble

| CA, USA | Food & Drink

(At my work we have a combo option, which is one side and a drink, and a platter option, which comes with two sides and a drink. On this day, we are severely short-staffed, so my manager has to cook. I’m packing orders when I notice an order says platter, but only has one side listed and an extra side charged. My coworker says he must have pressed the wrong button ringing it up, so I call over the customer to work it out.)

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, it seems my coworker accidentally rang you up for a platter, which comes with two sides, and I noticed you already paid for another side, so if you want I can give you one extra side for no extra charge.”

Customer: “I already have everything I want.”

Me: “I understand that, sir, but I’m saying you paid for another side by accident, so I’m asking what you want.”

Customer: “I told you I already have everything I want. I don’t want anything else.”

Me: “In that case, I have to call over my manager to refund the extra side you were charged for. Are you sure? Because you essentially have a free side coming at you.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want another side.”

(I call over my manager, who takes a couple minutes as she is in the middle of dropping chicken in the fryer, and return to packing orders. As my manager refunds the customer for the extra side, I hear him ask her this:)

Customer: “Did I get corn with that?”

(Manager turns to me; I shake my head no. By this point his refund has been completed.)

Manager: “No, sir, you didn’t.”

Customer: “Can I add a corn, then, please?”

Me: *internally screams*

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