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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Pizza Topping Flopping

| Scotland, UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a very small family run pizza shop, I am the only person who takes orders and I take them both on the phone and from the counter. A young woman comes in and orders three pizzas with three unusual topping combinations. As she orders I realize that we already have an identical order that has been phoned in waiting for collection under that name Smith.)

Me: “We already have an order for what you’re asking for, to be collected for Smith. Did someone perhaps phone in the order for you to collect?”

Customer: “Well, that’s my surname but no one has phoned the order in ahead of time. So, it can’t be for me.”

Me: “Sorry, are you sure? Things is, it’s a very unusual order. I can’t imagine one person phoning it in and then another person coming in and ordering the same thing. The phone number they left was [home phone number]. Are you sure no one else could have phoned it in earlier?”

Customer: “No that’s definitely not me. Don’t give me those. Make me mine fresh.”

(The customer leaves with her fresh pizzas and no one has come to collect the order for Smith, so I phone the number left with the order to see why no one has been to collect it. An older woman answers the phone and I explain that no one has been to collect the order.)

Customer #2: “Well, I don’t know how that can be because we are eating it right now!”

Me: “Was it you that collected the order?”

Customer #2: “No, it was my daughter.”

Me: “We did have a young woman in ask for an identical order to your phone order but she assured me, when I told her the name and phone number, that it was not her collection and insisted that we make hers fresh and a separate order.”

Customer #2: “How is that my problem?”

Me: “Well, you see, we have now made two orders for you and you have only paid for one of them. Now we have an order here going to waste and we are out of pocket. I would just advise in future that if someone else is collecting an order maybe you should make sure they not re-order when they arrive to avoid this. It is really not a big deal. It is just policy that I phone and check on uncollected orders. I thought you should be aware of what happened.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I see. So, you choose to phone me and interrupt my dinner to tell me that YOU’RE incompetent and are unable to perform the simple task of taking orders.”

Me: “Sorry, I—” *customer hangs up*

Food For Reading Your Thought

| San Bernardino, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My brother and I work at the same store and always order the same lunch at the fast food place in the parking lot. There is another guy that also orders the same lunch every day. The three of us get in line one after the other.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(Customer #1 pays, gets number.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(Brother pays, and gets number.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(I pay, and get my number.)

Cashier: *to next person in line* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

(Customer #2 stares at the cashier intently.)

Cashier: “Sir? May I take your order?”

(Customer #2 stares harder and cocks his head to the side.)

Cashier: “Sir?”

Customer #2: “You don’t know yet?”

Cashier: “What?”

Customer #2: “I mean, you’re psychic, right?”

Cashier: “Oh! No, they just always have the same thing.”

Customer #2: “Good! I wouldn’t want people reading my mind! Um, I’ll have the number three combo.”

A Close Shave With Stupidity

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

Me: *repeats order*

Customer: “Thi-CK.”

Me: “Yes. thick.”

Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

(There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)