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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Dual Personality

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hello! How are you? What can I get you?”

Customer: “Hey! Can I get a margarita?”

Me: “Sure, would you like that dressed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Awesome! Would you like salt or sugar?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Umm. Which one?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…I got that. But with what?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Right… So, I don’t think you’re listening to me… Salt. Or sugar. Or even maybe both. Which option?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I go get the salt and sugar shakers.)

Me: “Okay. Salt-” *I wave the salt shaker* “-or sugar?” *I wave the sugar shaker* “Or perhaps both?” *I wave them both*

Customer: “Yes! Yes!”

Me: “Yes to what?!”

Customer: “I said yes already! Yes!”

Me: “Right… That’ll be $7.”

(I did both. She never came back to complain, to my knowledge, so I suppose I guessed correctly?)

Very Black Comedy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(My friend and I arranged a double date to introduce my girlfriend and me to his girlfriend, who is blind and uses a guide dog. We went to a fairly fancy restaurant that keeps the lights low. Her guide dog is a black lab, so there are a few close calls from passing servers. Shortly after having the appetizers delivered to us we’re approached by one of the servers.)

Server: “Hello. I’m so sorry to inconvenience your party this evening, but we noticed that your guide dog is quite dark and hard to see in the aisle. If it’s not too much of trouble would you mind if we relocated you a part of the restaurant with less traffic?”

(The server motions towards one of the unoccupied booths at the back corner of the restaurant. We’re pretty much right in the path from the kitchen to the rest of the restaurant.)

Me: “What, because he’s black you’re going to toss us at the back of the restaurant?!”

(The server stands there for a few seconds wide eyed and stammering, obviously not knowing what to say. My friend and I lose our poker face and break down into laughter.)

Friend: “Don’t worry about it, man. We’re just f****** with you. If you didn’t ask us, we were going to ask you if we could move anyway.”

A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

| Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”