Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Food For Reading Your Thought

| San Bernardino, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My brother and I work at the same store and always order the same lunch at the fast food place in the parking lot. There is another guy that also orders the same lunch every day. The three of us get in line one after the other.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(Customer #1 pays, gets number.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(Brother pays, and gets number.)

Cashier: “$4.79”

(I pay, and get my number.)

Cashier: *to next person in line* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

(Customer #2 stares at the cashier intently.)

Cashier: “Sir? May I take your order?”

(Customer #2 stares harder and cocks his head to the side.)

Cashier: “Sir?”

Customer #2: “You don’t know yet?”

Cashier: “What?”

Customer #2: “I mean, you’re psychic, right?”

Cashier: “Oh! No, they just always have the same thing.”

Customer #2: “Good! I wouldn’t want people reading my mind! Um, I’ll have the number three combo.”

A Close Shave With Stupidity

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

Me: *repeats order*

Customer: “Thi-CK.”

Me: “Yes. thick.”

Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

(There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)

Like Their Coffee (Burnt) Black

| Franklin Park, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(The property owner has come in to report that there is smoke coming from the roof of the shopping center, though not directly above our store. A few customers overhear.)

Customer #1: “So, uh, what should we do?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, can we still order drinks?”

Me: “Um… well, I guess so, since we haven’t gotten an official order to evacuate.”

(Despite the commotion, no one in the café has budged. I am in the middle of making the last customer’s drinks when the store manager comes in.)

Manager: “Ladies, gentlemen, there is a fire in one of the electrical units on top of the building so we are evacuating. Anyone parked directly in front of the building will need to move their cars.”

(Most people get up to leave, but a few just look around, confused.)

Customer #3: “Can we leave our things here?”

Manager: “No. Take all of your things. The store is closing and I have no idea when we will be able to reopen.”

Customer #2: “Well what should I do?!”

Manager: “You have to leave. We’ve been given official orders to get everyone out.”

Customer #2: “But I’ve already paid for those! I don’t have my drinks yet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I will finish making these drinks, but I am leaving directly after and you will need to do the same.”

(Even as fire trucks begin to arrive and people file out, a few people wander in.)

Customer #4: “Are you still open?”

Me: “No! We are evacuating the building, there is an electrical fire on the roof!”

(They leave, obviously displeased. I hand off the drinks I was working on and run out. Amazingly, many of the people who were in our cafe are standing around, a few asking if we think we’ll reopen soon. Luckily, the fire was quickly put out, no one was hurt, and the damage was mostly cosmetic. The next day, the same woman who wouldn’t leave without her drinks comes in.)

Customer #2: “I was here when we had to evacuate yesterday! Was everyone all right?”

Me: “Yes, everyone is fine. They got the fire put out pretty quickly and none of the stores have major damage.”

Customer #2: “Well I’m just glad to hear no one was hurt. You guys are more important than coffee.” *walks away*

(A coworker, who hadn’t been working during the evacuation, looks touched.)

Coworker: “That was so nice! What a sweet thing to say.”

Me: “Yeah… just wish she had felt that way yesterday when she wouldn’t let me leave until her lattes were finished.”

Coworker: “…oh.”

Bring (From) Home The Bacon

| MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I’m chatting with a customer as her husband tries on some jeans.)

Me: “Oh, wow, what is that amazing smell?”

Customer: “I just baked a bunch of bacon cookies before we came here.”

Me: “Those sound so good. Oh, look, here he comes. Do they fit okay?”

(Her husband was really picky about the jeans, but after about an hour I found a few pairs they both liked.)

Customer: “How long are you working today?”

Me: “My shift’s up, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

(The next day…)

Customer: “Hi, remember me?”

Me: “Sure do. Was everything okay with the jeans?”

Customer: “They’re awesome. I just wanted to give you these.”

(She hands me a gallon zip lock bag crammed full of bacon cookies. I’m speechless.)

Customer: “Thank you so much for all your help yesterday.”

(They were the best cookies ever. Thank you, wherever you are!)

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Drawing A Blanc

| UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are one of only two supermarkets in our small town, so we get lots of regular customers. Although we have to ID everyone under 25 every time they buy alcohol or cigarettes, we often make exceptions for people who forget to bring their ID, because we have seen it previously. We try to be relaxed about the rules as much as we can, to keep the locals happy. I am alone on the checkout when an old lady regular comes up with milk and wine.)

Me: “And how are you this evening?”

Customer: “Oh, very well! I’m just in to buy this wine because my granddaughter is cooking dinner for us. She can’t buy any because she’s under 18, and, well, she’s making this lovely kind of pavlova!”

Me: “That sounds lovely, but you do realise that you REALLY shouldn’t have told you’re buying alcohol on behalf of someone who is underage? I can’t sell this to you if that’s what you’re doing.”

Customer: “WHAT? But that’s why I’M buying it, for my dinner! I can buy wine if I want!”

Me: *thinking hopefully I misheard her rambling* “Well if you ARE buying it just for your dinner, then maybe I can let you off with it, but you do need to understand that you can’t buy with intent to supply to alcohol to underage people.”

Customer: “I can buy alcohol for my granddaughter if I want to. It’s for cooking. She won’t be drinking it!”

Me: “I know what you are trying to say, but I need you to understand that you can’t TELL ME you’re buying it for a teenager. You can have it this time, under the circumstances, but I need you to tell me you understand you shouldn’t do it in future.”

Customer: “This is unbelievable! If you’re going to be like that, you can take it back! I should be able to buy whatever I want! I’ll just go to [Other Supermarket] and buy it there!”

(She storms off dramatically and the only other customer comes up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “She didn’t seem like the brightest spark, did she?”

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