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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Accentuating The Problem

, | Paris, France | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(My family is on vacation in Europe with a large tour group, consisting of about 40 people from Canada and the US. My sister and I are trying to order at a Parisian McDonald’s, while a middle-aged Texan woman from the same tour is waiting in the next queue over.)

Me: *in bad French* “Uh, could I have a… McChicken?”

Employee: *in French* “Sorry, what did you want?”

Me: *in French, more clearly* “Um, McChicken.”

Employee: *in French* “Ah! Of course. That’ll be [amount].”

Sister: *to me* “I think you were trying too hard to get the accent right. You sounded ridiculous.”

Me: “I didn’t think it sounded that bad… At least I tried.”

(While waiting for our food, we can’t help but overhear what’s going on in the next queue…)

Texan Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a combo number four–”

Employee: *in French* “Sorry, what?”

(The woman gives the flustered employee a death stare, then speaks loudly and slowly.)

Texan Customer: “COMBO. COOOOOMBO.”

(We left then, so I don’t know if the customer ever got her food. To this day, no one in my family ever says the word ‘combo’ without putting on an exaggerated drawl!)

A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

Deeply Fried And Deeply Mistaken

| Onley, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a department store. I am helping stock shelves in the grocery department.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Could you help me find Sugar-Free Oreos?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I’m not too familiar with the grocery department and it takes us a while to find them.)

Me: “Oh! Here they are!”

Customer: “Oh! Thank you! I’m so happy you found them!”

Me: “No problem. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Well, my daughter bought them here last week. I’ve been looking for them ever since.”

Me: “I’m glad I could help—”

Customer: “You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind.”

Thinks He’s So Grape

, | Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a wine waiter in a business hotel, where we often have repeat guests. One such guest, who always has a problem with something, is tasting a bottle of wine I’ve just opened.)

Guest: “This wine is bad. It’s corked, or oxidised, or something.”

Me: “May I test it?”

(I take the glass and smell the wine, knowing straight away that there’s no problem.)

Me: “I don’t notice anything wrong here. If you insist, I can open a fresh bottle.”

Guest: “Well, you obviously don’t know anything about wine or service. Of COURSE I want a fresh bottle.”

Me: “Very well, sir.”

(I take the bottle away, re-cork it, and wait a few seconds before returning to the table with a new glass. I open the bottle again as I arrive and I pour a little for him to taste.)

Guest: “MUCH better. Can’t believe you thought there was nothing wrong with the last bottle. You obviously don’t deserve to be in charge of wine here.”

There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a cafe and bar that is attached to a movie theater. On this evening, we are somewhat slammed due to a highly anticipated movie release. While I am working the bar I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: “I need to return these fries.”

Coworker #1: “Of course. What was wrong with them, ma’am?

Customer #1: “There’s too much sugar!”

(Both of my co-workers just stare blankly for a few seconds.)

Coworker #2: “Did you mean, there’s too much salt?”

Customer #1: “No! Sugar! There’s too much sugar on these fries! I want salt!”

Coworker #1: “Let me replace your order for you, ma’am…”

(At this point, many of the customers at the bar and I are struggling to not laugh out loud. While my coworker tries to explain to the cooks exactly what’s going on, the customer moves out of the way for the person next-in-line.)

Customer #2: *sarcastically* “I want an order of your fries, and, for the love of all that is good: No. Sugar. Please. No. Sugar!”

(Many of the customers lose it at this point. All of a sudden, we hear a cook scream out to our waitresses.)

Cook: “We don’t even have sugar in the kitchen! Why would we have sugar?! Nothing we make has sugar! On top of that, WHO PUTS SUGAR ON FRIES?!”

(I couldn’t get my fist in my mouth in time to stop my laughter. The best part was, the customer in question never even noticed any of this happening!)

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