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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Hearty Breakfast

| Stuart, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Ms. [Name], I need to take your vital signs. Your heart monitor is alarming.”

Patient: “Do you ALWAYS interrupt people when they are eating their breakfast?!”

Me: “Yes. This is a hospital, not a hotel. The vitals are more important right now than your breakfast.”

Bartenders Are Good Listeners, But Not That Good

| England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I’m at the pub where my little brother works. A man wanders in and just stares at my brother behind the bar.)

Brother: “Can I help you?”

Man: *continues to stare*

Brother: “Hello? What can I get you?”

Man: “How much will that be?”

Brother: “You haven’t actually ordered yet. What would you like?”

Man: *stares more intently*

Brother: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not psychic.”

Man: “Really? Oh, I’ll have a rum and coke then, please.”

Putting A Bump On Their Hump Day

, | Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(We currently have a promotion for nine pieces of chicken for $9.95. This is only available on Tuesdays. This story occurs on a Wednesday afternoon. A car pulls up to drive thru window.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. Can I have the Tuesday special for $9.95?”

Me: “Erm… Today is Wednesday.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t sell you the $9.95 deal today.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s a special only for Tuesdays. Today is Wednesday.”

Customer: “But why can’t you do it for me?”

Me: “Because we can only do it on Tuesdays. That’s why it’s called the Tuesday special. We have another deal with ten pieces and two chips, that’s $19.95 though.”

Customer: “No, that’s too expensive. I don’t get why I can’t get a Tuesday special on a Wednesday!” *drives off*

It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

, | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Tourists/Travel

(I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

(By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

(The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

Me: “I’m a fast learner.”

Related:
It’s All Dutch To Me

The Answer To Their Own Question

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, Food & Drink, Top

(Today all my customers have been placing the exact same order, so I decide to have fun with the next one who comes in.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! Can I have—”

Me: “A pound of [Brand] oven roasted turkey? Sliced thin?”

Customer: “Um, yes…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.”

(I slice the turkey for her and hand it to her.)

Me: “Would you like anything else today?”

Customer: “Can I also have—”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. One pound of [Brand] white American cheese, coming up.”

(Her eyes go wide but she doesn’t say anything. I look through the cold case but don’t find an open package of the cheese.)

Me: “Oh, looks like I need to open a new package. One moment, please.”

(I step out from behind the counter and open up the door on the front of the case to get a new package of cheese.)

Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know—”

Me: “That’s okay. Most people don’t know the doors open from the front.”

(Her eyes get even wider. I try not to snicker as I slice her cheese.)

Me: “Aaaaand there you go. Will that be all for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “What number am I—”

Me: “42.”

(She snatches the cheese and runs out the front door at full speed.)

Coworker: “How did you know what number she was thinking?”

Me: “Douglas Adams, dude. 42 is always the answer.”

Coworker: “You’re sick, man.”

Me: “I knew you’d say that.”

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