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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Kind Of Customer We Want

, | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

(We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

I’ll Take A Groot Beer

| Cambridge, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(Sometimes we get customers in costumes who are in good humour if we name them instead of asking their name. We have a group come in who give themselves some DC-ent and MARVEL-ous names. I’m on the bar, making the drinks.)

Me: *with the Batman cup* “Good luck with the night shifts, Dark Knight.”

Batman: “Cheers!”

Me: *Superman* “Who’s the Man of Steel?”

Superman: “That would be me!”

Me: “Sorry, dude. I don’t have chocolate; is Kryptonite okay?”

Superman: “Go for it. It’s my day off.”

Me: *Rocket cup, looking at the last in the group* “Are you Rocket?”

Rocket: “I am Groot.”

Comment On Scents Makes No Sense

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a server in a restaurant with an open kitchen. A customer approaches me while I am walking towards the dish pit.)

Customer: “Hello, ma’am. I loved the food but I have a complaint.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It smells a lot.”

Me: “What does it smell like, sir?”

Customer: “Food.”

(At this point I have no idea what to say.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. Did you say it smells like food?”

Customer: “Yes. My lady friends are complaining that their hair is going to smell like food. They just washed it.”

Me: “Sir, you do know, it is an open kitchen restaurant…”

Customer: “What do you mean, open kitchen? God, you’re so stupid. Of course it’s an open kitchen. You’re serving food! The people they hire these days…”