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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Comment On Scents Makes No Sense

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a server in a restaurant with an open kitchen. A customer approaches me while I am walking towards the dish pit.)

Customer: “Hello, ma’am. I loved the food but I have a complaint.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It smells a lot.”

Me: “What does it smell like, sir?”

Customer: “Food.”

(At this point I have no idea what to say.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. Did you say it smells like food?”

Customer: “Yes. My lady friends are complaining that their hair is going to smell like food. They just washed it.”

Me: “Sir, you do know, it is an open kitchen restaurant…”

Customer: “What do you mean, open kitchen? God, you’re so stupid. Of course it’s an open kitchen. You’re serving food! The people they hire these days…”

Don’t Be Tardy With The Tardis Drink

, | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a large chocolate shake, and can I still get burgers this late?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “Great! I want the grilled onion cheddar burger, but no cheese.”

Me: “So just the onions on the burger?”

Customer: “Yeah, sorry to be so complicated.”

Me: “It’s no problem, and honestly it’s not that bad. You’d be surprised at the kind of requests I get through here. Can I get anything else for you today?”

Customer: *joking* “I’d like a large coke in a small cup to go.”

Me: “Aw, I wish I could, but unfortunately our cups don’t have Time Lord technology, so they aren’t bigger on the inside.”

The Right Wine Or The White Wine

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the wine department of a small grocery store. We will sometimes get customers with very little wine knowledge.)

Customer: *holding up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a red wine* “Is this a white wine?”

Me: “That’s a red wine, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, that is a red wine.”

Customer:” So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, ma’am, all Cabernet Sauvignon wines are RED wines.”

(Customer turned and headed to our registers, with the bottle of Cabernet. I hope she did not need a white wine.)