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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Date Updated

| Reading, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I get home from work to find my wife (who gets home before me) has unpacked the shopping which has been delivered.)

Me: “What do you want for tea?”

Wife: “We were going to have macaroni but we’ll have to have the chicken biryani instead because it goes out of date today. There were six things which go out today, which is outrageous.”

Me: “I thought they were supposed to inform you when they gave you things with today’s use-by date?”

Wife: “So did I. So I rang them up to complain. Such a nice lady, she apologised and gave us a refund on each of these articles.”

Me: “Nice of her.” *goes to fridge* “What, this chicken Biryani? Doesn’t go out of date until Saturday.”

(Today is Thursday.)

Wife: “What! But it distinctly says: use by the 12th.”

Me: “Yes, and today’s the 10th.”

Wife: “Oops.”

(She rang the supermarket back and was really apologetic about it. The woman at the other end was so happy to receive an apologetic phone call she let us keep the refund.)

Don’t Hand It To Racism

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I used to work at a cookie shop at the mall. At this point the customer’s cookie is wrapped and put on the counter in front of me so I can handle her money.)

Customer: “Where is my cookie?”

Me: *points* “It’s right there.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you hand it to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

(I pick up the cookie and hand it to her.)

Customer: “What, do you not touch black people or nothing?!”

(I have no idea how to react to this as she stomps off.)

Go Easy On The Brain

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

(Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.'”

(The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

(The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

Me: “Leaving.”

Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”