Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Has Beef With Your Simple Explanation

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a convenience store that also has a kitchen and is famous for pizza. We sell pizza by the slice in a food warmer on pizza cards marked with what kind of pizza it is. My coworker has just put fresh pizza in the warmer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what does ‘beef’ stand for?”

Coworker: “Um… hamburger?”

Customer: “Why are you trying to make me look stupid, you little c***?! I’m sure I’m much smarter than you; at least I’m not stuck working in this s***ty town at a gas station! I’m sure you had your first kid when you were 14! I want to speak to your manager!”

(I am the manager on duty and have been listening the whole time. My coworker looks at me and I walk over.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Your good for nothing employee is trying to make me look stupid!”

Me: “She has only said one word since you walked up to her and started verbally abusing her. And you don’t need help looking stupid. You’re doing a fantastic job doing that on your own.”

Customer: “You’re not going to punish her?”

Me: “For what? Answering your original question?”

Customer: “Well, I demand free food!”

Me: “Not with the way you’re treating my employees. You can pay for your pizza up there.”

(The customer then stormed off to the register and continued on about how we were trying to make her look stupid while the cashier struggled to keep a straight face.)

An Expiration Date Worth One’s Salt

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer comes up to me with a can of table salt.)

Customer: “There’s no expiration date on this.”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “But how will I know when it goes bad?”

Me: “Um, it’s salt. It doesn’t go bad.”

Customer: “Nonsense! All food goes bad!”

Me: “Sir, salt does not go bad. It’s a mineral.”

Customer: “It’s food! It goes bad!”

Me: “Sir, it’s a rock. Rocks do not go bad.”

Customer: “But it’s food!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “So when is the expiration date?”

(I give up and take the can from him, pretending to look for an expiration date.)

Me: “Ah, here it is.”

(I point to the UPC code.)

Me: “That’s the expiration date. As you can see, you’ve got a good twenty million years or so before that happens, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(He walked off with his can of salt, muttering about how it was going to go bad before he could use it.)

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4

| CT, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(A woman approaches my counter one evening, clearly unwashed and very angry.)

Customer: “Yeah, how much is a large coffee?”

Me: “$2.25.”

Customer: “And a small?”

Me: “$1.75”

Customer: “Okay, well, I have one of those coupons for a free one.”

Me: “Is it the customer redemption or the buy-six-get-the-seventh?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Is it the long red one that says ‘sorry,’ or was it part of your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh, the receipt kind.”

(I fill her order for a large coffee as a line starts to form.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be $2.25.”

Customer: “I thought it was free. I can’t afford that.”

Me: “It’s free with your coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t have it on me.”

Me: “Then I can’t redeem it. I have to have a coupon to put in my register. If it’s not there when they count it, I’ll be short and I could lose my job.”

Customer: *very irate* “I’m [Coworker]’s friend. I know [Coworker’s Other Friend]. I come here all the time. Just give me my drink.”

(I assume my coworker has done this for her in the past, but I’m not about to put my job on the line for anyone, especially a stranger.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I have to have it in my register. I can’t redeem a coupon unless it’s physically here. Without it, the store will think I’m stealing.”

(She huffs off, and I work through the line, thinking it’s over. I’m midway through, taking another order, when she comes back. She shouts from the far end of the counter, rudely interrupting another customer.)

Customer: “How much for a shot of espresso?”

Me: “$1.75, same as a small coffee.”

(Again, she leaves, and once again I think it’s over. There’s a lull after the line, and she’s back, again, angrier than ever.)

Customer: “Give me two shots.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $2.10.”

Customer: “You said $1.75!”

Me: “That’s for one shot, not two.”

Customer: “Can’t you just give it to me? This is a bunch of bull-s***.”

Me: “I could get fired for that. I’m not losing my job over a shot of espresso. Now, would you like one shot, or two?”

Customer: “Just give me two.”

(She then throws a huge handful of coins onto my counter and storms off to the other end of the bar. I go to cash her out, and she’s short, by about fifty cents. I quietly take the rest out of my tip cup because I just want her gone.)

Customer: “I’m telling [Coworker] how f****** rude you are. I don’t see why you couldn’t just give me my f****** coffee. I lost the d*** coupon. I had to dig around in my car for the f****** change.”

Me: “If $1.75 is outside of your budget, maybe you shouldn’t shop here.”

(I asked my coworker about her the next time I saw him. Apparently, he knew her, but hadn’t talked to her in years; since she was in prison.)

Coworker: “’I come here all the time,’ my a**!”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

Tapas On Tap

, | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We’re a tapas bar, so lots of small portions. We usually recommend two-three per person. Tonight, we’ve got a lot of bookings but can sometimes fit people in for limited slots of time. Two customers come in without a reservation, and it’s around 6:30 pm.)

Me: “Well, I can fit you in now, but I’m afraid we’ll need the table back by 7:30.”

Customer #1: “That’s loooads of time. We’re only getting something light.”

Me: “Okay, here you go!” *hands over tapas menu*

(A few minutes later, I approach for drinks.)

Customer #1: “A bottle of [Wine], please.”

Me: “A bottle… Okay!”

(A few more minutes later.)

Me: “And can I take a food order?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, so I’m like really hungry so I’m going to have like everything.” *laughs maniacally and lists almost everything, about seven items*

Customer #1: “Oh, he is hungry! Okay I’ll just have [five more items].”

Me: “…no problem.”

(Their “something light” turned into me having to squeeze extra chairs onto a tiny table for an actual booking because, of course, these two hadn’t left in time.)

Confusing With A Side Of Confusion

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m manning the phones, taking room service orders. It’s after midnight and, as usual, many of our guests have over-indulged. I take a call from a lady who orders a toasted bagel with cream cheese. It’s a $4 item.)

Me: “That’s one toasted bagel. Would you like anything else?”

Guest: “Yes, I’d like a second bagel with that order.”

Me: “Okay, so two bagels. Will that be all for you?”

Guest: “Well, I want a second bagel, but I don’t want it to be a double order. Just put an extra bagel with the first bagel.”

Me: “Okay, then we would charge you for two bagels.”

Guest: “No, I’m not ordering two bagels. I’m ordering a toasted bagel with cream cheese. I don’t want a double order of bagels. Just put another plain bagel alongside my toasted bagel.”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

(I submit the order to the kitchen as a toasted bagel for $4, and a second bagel with no cream cheese for $2. The kitchen advises that each bagel is $4 and the cream cheese is included at no charge, so that’s how the order is delivered. We never hear back from the guest, so she apparently accepts the order. When I relate this request to my associates, they are quite amused and expand the concept to their own liking:)

Coworker #1: “Please give me a beer, and a beer on the side. But I’m only ordering one beer.”

Coworker #2: “Yes, I’d like a hamburger, with a side of hamburger.”

(We’re still puzzled what the lady’s thought process might have been, but it was clearly alcohol induced.)

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