Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!



| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Food & Drink

(I work as a waitress at a low-end diner. Recently, we switched from selling Pepsi to Coke products. I have had some trouble explaining this to dedicated patrons in the past, but this one incident takes the cake.)

Me: “Hi! I’m [My Name], and I will be your waitress this evening. Can I get you started off with something to drink; maybe some lemonade, iced tea, or a Cok—”

Customer: “I’ll take a Pepsi, diet.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we have Coke products. Perhaps you’d like a Dr. Pepper or Root—”

Customer:” Oh, I guess Mountain Dew is fine, then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Mountain Dew is a Pepsi product. We have Co—”

Customer: *louder than before* “I’ll take a SIERRA MIST.”

Me: *desperately* “Is Sprite okay?”

Customer: *practically shouting* “No, I don’t LIKE Sprite! Jesus Christ, what do you guys sell here?!”

Me: “We sell Coke products, ma’am…”

(I then recite a comprehensive list of all Coke products we have.)

Customer: *thinking* “You know what? I’ll just have a water. I shouldn’t be drinking soda anyway.”

Me: “I’ll get that for you right away…”

(She was cheerful for the rest of the meal but left no tip. My manager told me that she does this every week and every week she complains to corporate.)


Not Mushroom For Anything Else

| USA | Food & Drink

(I’m taking a gentleman’s order over the phone for delivery.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large pizza, half sausage and mushroom and the other half mushroom. That’s all.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a large pizza, all of it with mushrooms and half with sausage as well?”

Customer: “NO! I want a large pizza with HALF sausage and mushroom and HALF mushroom.”

Me: “So basically the exact same thing I just said? Great your total will be $[price] with tax and delivery we’ll see you soon.”  *hang up*


Standing Orders

| BC, Canada | Food & Drink

(I’m a host at a patio that has an inside room for large parties. On this particular night we have an appetizer party of 100 people inside. A woman wanders out with her glass of wine and stands in the patio entrance.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m sorry but I have to ask you to return inside, as it violates our liquor license to have customers stand outside with open alcohol.”

Customer: *gesturing at the patio guests* “Then what are all these people doing?”

Me: “Sitting, ma’am.”


Also Not Eating Toes So Hold The Tomatoes

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “I WANT the breakfast burrito but I’m watching my sodium intake.”

Me: “Well, you can leave off the sausage and bacon and just do the eggs, a low-salt cheese like the low sodium mozzarella, and the fixings — salsa, jalapenos, lettuce, tomatoes.”

Customer: “No, I’m watching my sodium intake, so no salsa. And it’s no good without the salsa.”

Me: “Our salsa IS low-sodium. See?” *I hold up the container*

Customer: “That’s not possible; it’s salsa. It’s, like, mostly salt.”

Me: “Well, this isn’t? This is mostly just the tomatoes and spices and peppers.”

Customer: “No, salsa without salt isn’t possible. That’s why it’s called SALTsa.”

(I laugh, thinking she’s joking but she stares at me.)

Customer: “No, really, that’s why they named it that.”

Me: “Oh… oh, honey, no. It’s not called SALTsa. It’s SALSA. See?” *I show her the label again*

Customer: “Oh, that must be the Spanish version. They don’t have a ‘t’ in their language.”

Me: “I’m going to go slice tomatoes now…”


Wants To Reconsider Everything

| Navarre, FL, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a sub shop which is pretty pricey. I’m working cash and this gentleman comes in.)

Me: “Hey, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a medium white sandwich with everything.”

Me: “Okay! What meat would you like?”

Customer: “Everything.”

Me: “Um, sure. Just to let you know, there’s an upcharge so—”

Customer: *cutting in* “Did I stutter? Do you even speak English? Everything!”

(This is where this customer begins to piss me off. I begin ringing him up for a sandwich with everything. Note that he can see what I’m ringing up as well as the price tally.)

Me: “All right, that sandwich comes to $21.37.”

Customer: “Twenty one dollars for a damn sandwich?!”

Me: *looking him straight in the eyes* “Everything.”

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