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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Talking Turkey About Working Here

| Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

(I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

Superbowled Them Over With Realisation

| Sparta, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am working as a cook at a pizza place. it’s Superbowl Sunday, the phone has been ringing constantly, and we’re working non-stop. My manager asks me to answer the phone in back and take orders.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like an order for delivery.”

(I take his order.)

Me: “Okay, that comes to [total] and the delivery estimate comes to about three hours.”

Customer: “THREE HOURS?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Sir, are you watching the Superbowl tonight?”

Customer: “Well… yeah.”

Me: “And I assume you have a small gathering at your house?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Would you safely assume you’re the only person in town doing this?”

Customer: “…umm, no.”

Me: “So if everyone else in town is doing the same as you, there is going to be a bit of a wait. Do you still want your order?”

Customer: “Oh. Yeah, we can wait.”

When Pinot Means No

| Sonoma, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Sometimes, the wineries in the Valley join up for a tasting event. People can buy a ticket, get a special wine glass and get to travel to different wineries and get free tastings of specific wines.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Winery]. May I pour you a sample?”

Guest: “What do you have?”

Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

Guest: “Can I have a Pinot Noir?”

Me: “I have Merlot and Chardonnay.”

Guest: “You don’t have a Pinot.”

Me: “No, I do not.”

Guest: “Do you have a Pinot?”

Me: “Yes, we do, although, the Pinot is not being offered for this specific tasting. However, if you’d like to taste the Pinot, you are more than welcome to visit the tasting room upstairs and try it out. Unfortunately, it won’t be complementary.”

Guest: “Oh, never mind… What do you have again?”

Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot, and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

Guest: “I’d like to taste the Cabernet.”