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Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Wish You Could Just Hide In A Wardrobe

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I’m a hostess at a restaurant. I am getting a customer’s information for a reservation later that night.)

Me: “Can I get your last name?”

Customer: “Aslan.”

Me: “Oh! Like the lion from Narnia!”

Customer: “Yes!” *laughs hysterically”

(Later that night the customer comes for her reservation. I have already left for the day and there is a new hostess on for night shift.)

Customer: *approaches host stand and ROARS at the hostess*

Hostess: “Uhm… excuse me?”

Customer: “Like the lion!?”

Hostess: “… Right.”

Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

(As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

Me: “So does my dog.”

(The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

Has Beef With You

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I own and operate a small ranch in Virginia. We sell all natural grass fed beef, all natural pork, and free range chickens. We also sell cheeses, eggs, and also have a few goats for milk and cheese, etc. A customer calls up wanting information about our operation.)

Me: “Hello, [Company Name]. This is [My Name], What can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes, are your cows vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they are. We only feed them grass and hay. Hay is a type of grass so, yes, they eat no meat products at all. We use no antibiotics or hormones—”

Caller: “NO, NO, NO! Are your cows vegetarian!?”

Me: “Ma’am, I do not understand what you are asking me.”

Caller: “You farm people are all dumb! My daughter and her friends do not eat meat! They are vegan and we want to have steak for dinner! So now I’m going to ask you: are you cows vegetarian?”

Me: “Are you asking me if my steaks are not made from meat?”

Caller: “No, I know steak is made from meat! I want to know if your cows are vegetarian?!”

Me: “Ma’am, all cows are meat. Everything we take off them during butchering is meat. I am not sure, are you asking me for meat that isn’t meat?”

Caller: “Well, your advertising on your website says you are all natural. That is false advertising!”

Me: “I am not sure how. We keep our cows free from additives and—”

Caller: “Look, I’m not stupid. Before you turn cows into beef, what are they?”

Me: “Cows.”

Caller: “Exactly. So why can’t I get all natural cow instead of beef?”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a live cow. I think you need to find another place to get your meat.”

Caller: “I will not be talked to like this! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “You are talking to the owner. I am sorry you think that an animal is not meat until after it dies, but I will not sell you a live cow to eat! I am also sorry you are too stupid to understand that this is a cattle ranch and we sell our own beef. Beef is meat, meat is not vegan. Please call another company that specializes in vegan food!”

(I hang up on her. Two weeks go by and she calls me back.)

Caller: “I talked to you a couple weeks ago and I just want to let you know that we bought steak from the farmer’s market at (location). We had a wonderful dinner!”

Me: “Oh, you were at the farmer’s market at [location]?”

Caller: “Yes, and the woman there sold us vegetarian cow! You know, cow for vegans! My daughter said she and her friends always eat steak from the woman that sells cow there.”

Me: “So your daughter is vegan, huh?”

Caller: “Well, yeah. She won’t eat chicken!”

(I gave up and I told her I would look into selling vegetarian ‘COW.’ I did not have the heart to tell her that she bought my meat. I am the only one allowed to sell at that particular market and my neighbor’s daughter works for me selling at that location. I also didn’t bother to go into her daughter not being vegan!)

Related:
He Has Beef With You

Behavior Past The Tipping Point

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished cleaning the entire lobby before our next session goes in. I’m now back at the counter serving, with a large group of patrons waiting in line.)

Me: “Is that everything?”

Customer: “Yeah, but my drink is too full.”

Me: “Oh, I’ll empty some out if you like.”

Customer: “No, I’ll do it.” *tips half of her soda all over my clean bench and walks off*

Allow Me To (Mind)Read You The Menu

| Solon, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s a very busy night, and I am currently waiting on five tables. My current customer is an older male.)

Me: “Sir, what can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Oh, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, you know what I want.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

(The customer looks at his son for help.)

Son: “Dad, you have to tell her what you want to eat.”

Customer: “She KNOWS what I want.”

Son: “Just order some food Dad. She isn’t a mind reader.”

Customer: “Steak.”

Me: “What kind, sir? We have sirloin, filet, t-bone—”

Customer: “Oh, you know.”

(This proceeds for about five minutes, selecting his steak, the temperature, and sides. Finally I get to the son, who has been deciphering the conversation.)

Me: “And for you, sir?”

Son: “… I forgot.”

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